Good morning, fellow wanderers. I’m here today with some updates and some thoughts on over-sharing. Maybe this is Mercury Rx purge. Yesterday I saw a post that spoke to over-sharing, and it struck a cord. I write to you all the time, and I openly share my life with you.
However, that isn’t the same as the type of over-sharing I am speaking to today. One type of over-sharing stems from a space of fear and lack. The other from love and gratitude. And it doesn’t matter if we fluctuate between the two as we learn and grow. That’s called duality and it exists in all.
I’ve written a blog in the past about attachment styles. It goes hand-in-hand with whichever trauma response we have. Mine is fawn. Growing up I was made to feel responsible for everyone else’s moods. The emotional dumping and over-sharing can fall under this trauma response.
You feel like you’re always caring for others, but no one ever cares for you. So you complain about it, emotionally dump, over-explain and excuse, anything but choose different people to be in your life. Anything but set boundaries and dare to chance losing people who constantly hurt you.
I was neglected and abandoned at a young age, and this led me to believe that if I didn’t get things just right others would abandon me, too. This leads to very toxic cycles of people pleasing and resentment that will inevitably explode all over the place. It’s what fed my anxious attachment style.
What is the fawn response? It’s an instinctual response that pushes you to avoid conflict and trauma by appeasing those around you. This is where I once people pleased, avoided conflict, had a hard time saying no and disappointing others, there were no boundaries. I was very afraid of abandonment and jumped through all the hoops others set up for me.
When your trauma response is fawn you live in constant anticipation of upsetting others. You likely grew up in a very chaotic environment that seldom felt safe. And so your safety mechanism becomes anticipating danger and warding it off by making everyone around you happy. And when it didn’t work you felt something was wrong with you.
I cannot speak for others, but I am going to speak for me here. Sometimes I over-shared or emotionally dumped because I…