With a Heavy Heart: Pick a Pile Reading

Collective Message: Please read regardless of the piles you’ve chosen

“I do whatever it takes to grow closer to consciousness.”

I love this because it is a reminder that we can choose to grow and evolve. That a higher perspective is available to us when we are struggling in the lower realms. Repeat this as needed until you understand and believe it.

Right now is not a time to do nothing, but neither is it a time to rush and busy yourselves to avoid your inner world. It’s time to take a measured approach and tackle a bit of your life at a time. Do what you can with what you have from wherever you are. That is always enough.

The hibernation is within. We must learn to rest with who we are and understand that person. To not allow guilt, shame, or negative self-image to hinder our growth and evolution. Each of us has something to contribute to the whole, and if you’re unsure what that is, or questioning what you think it may be this reading is for you.

What is your purpose? Your past does not define you unless you choose that, but it can give you an idea as to what you’re meant to do in this life. That which you have overcome doesn’t have to be viewed from a victim mindset of defeat. You can use it to propel you into your purpose and heart’s desire.

The number I want you all to pay attention to is seven. It represents wholeness and completion. While we are not perfect we can learn to be whole as we work to complete what we came here to do. Seven is a spiritual number associated with intuition, mysticism, inner wisdom, and deep knowing.

Seeing this number repeating in your life is a sign that you should have faith and remember we create our reality. Things are flowing freely to you at this time. Take advantage of that. The answers you need are within.

Pile One: Teaching and Learning

Your reading is a very spiritually connected reading. Your purpose and destiny is definitely to teach others through your own learning and experience. You struggle because you feel your purpose has a destination, like you’re going to suddenly arrive one day.

Never will you arrive at a place where you’re are perfect and untouchable. I feel the largest lesson for you is to stop feeding your ego. Stop allowing what others may think, say, or do to cloud your decision making. You know the road you must take, and it’s time to allow the journey to be what it is.

Both the front and end of your top row ends with The Hierophant. You are definitely meant to be a spiritual guide and teacher. You are your own guru and have a unique insight that can help others become their own guru. Your experiences have taught you that dogma is harmful and unnecessary. The real way to the heavens lives within, and we each hold our own key.

You are constantly searching for a deeper meaning to life and how that connects you to others. During this time you’re being blessed with bravery and passion to tackle what lies ahead. Go ahead and pursue an adventure. Don’t allow your energy to become unfocused or go around promoting a cocky, arrogant aura about you. Be self-aware and humble.

Now more than ever it’s a good time to speak with wisdom and clarity. Make sure that you’re going within for answers. It’s a good time not to be emotional when you speak, but instead to use words wisely. You have a way of getting people to pay attention without being over emotional or rude; use that.

You are struggling with self-doubt a bit. I would encourage you to journal and meditate on this. Continue working toward self-realization and awakening. You have learned that the only opinion that matters is your own, so stop wasting time worrying if others are going to judge you.

Figure out how you can be used as an influence for the highest good and follow that path. You are here to inspire and teach others how to live their best lives regardless of what is happening in the world around us. To bring an inner peace and calm to the masses.

There are definitely still fears and anxiety blocking you. That’s why this row begins and ends with The Hierophant. You must go within and meditate, ask for your guides to help you relieve fear, anxiety, and doubt from your heart and mind. You are so sure one minute and so absolutely terrified the next.

Some days your desire to know your purpose and truth are stronger than any other desire, but they can seem so far away. Allowing your attention to be on what brings extreme worry & anxiety is getting in the way of your inner peace. Stop focusing on the things you can’t change. Get out of your own way.

Do not allow these obstacles we are currently facing collectively to slow you down or stop you. Use them to your advantage. You’re someone who can be hard on yourself when you stumble or make mistakes. It’s time to recognize you are meant to stumble and make mistakes because it’s how you are going to fulfill your purpose and teach others. There is no sin or shame here.

What are you suppose to teach? Love. Unconditional love and what that means. How to set healthy boundaries in love. You’re here to heal hearts and form minds. The correct conclusion for you is that you are a healer of hearts and minds, and nothing else will ever bring you fulfillment.

When the anxiety starts to rise imagine yourself as a fearless warrior, here to inspire your family and friends that they, too, are enough. Be wise and take your health seriously; physical, mental, and spiritual. Allow your wings to spread and scatter peace wherever you fly.


Pile Two: Rebirth

Whatever you thought your purpose was that isn’t it. If you chose this pile it’s time for a rebirth. You may be stubborn and fixed in your ideas. In fact, you may joke about how stubborn you are. Now is time to tell a different story about yourself. To become flexible and allow things to look and be different.

In regards to all things in life, but especially love, jealousy and spying does not serve you. Your energy feels a bit restless. You are curious and intelligent. Spend some time learning and expanding your consciousness. Be open to new ideas that you may not have considered previously.

There is a deep part of you in need of healing. It seems you’ve lost faith and your hope has diminished. If you continue sitting in the despair and making no effort to see the light at the end of the tunnel you are going to miss opportunities that are meant for you. They don’t look like what you envisioned, but they are a thousand percent better.

Big changes are available to you and a turning point is on the horizon. You know that you’re an extremely sensitive and intuition person, but you’ve suppressed it for a long time now due to insecurity. It’s time to practice confidence boosting exercises. Don’t be melodramatic and don’t allow others to manipulate your emotions. You have that control.

You tend to over-analyze everything because you’re blocking your inner knowing. Your judgement right now is clouded and is preventing your new beginnings from sprouting. I don’t know if you’re taking too much and not giving back, or if you’re the one giving and not receiving. Either way the time has come to bring balance back into your relationships.

You are not the helpless victim you keep portraying yourself to be. Please don’t beat yourself up or feel bad for being caught up in the victim mindset. We all go through that. You may have been a genuine victim of wrongdoing, hurt, or pain, but you’ve chosen to make that your identity and prison. Using those experiences to remain shackled and avoid so many opportunities.

There are endless opportunities you haven’t even considered, and they would all bring you absolute joy and bliss. Put you on the right path to fulfill your purpose. Which is to help others through rebirths of their own. To help them find hope when they are surrounded by people who don’t even try to understand them. To get them on the right path.

The path where we summon our manifestation and bring it to reality. You started and ended this reading with the death (rebirth) card. There is no way out of this. If you avoid seeing what is right before you the only thing you will gain is more victim status and pain. We create our reality.

Give yourself some grace. Spend some time purposely seeking what is beautiful in life. Listen to good music that makes you whole. That fills your heart with unconditional love for self and others. What we take in is so important to our overall wellness.

A huge focus for you right now is to set aside a small amount of time each day to work on confidence, courage, and happiness. No one else can ever make you happy. It’s an inside job. Others may be spoon feeding you their opinions and ideas for your path, but those won’t make you happy.

Following other people’s visions for your life will lock your heart. It will never allow you to rise up in hope and find inner peace. Allow yourself to blossom slowly, but blossom. You’re a beautiful bud of abundance waiting to unfold.


Pile Three: Self-Love

Many people do not like getting self-love in a reading. They either find it hard to love themselves, or feel they’ve already mastered it. However, I’m here to tell you that unless you practice self-love it’s impossible to correctly love others, and you’ll never accept the real love you desire and deserve.

What we tell ourselves matters more than what anyone else will ever tell us. You are struggling a bit with that right now and that’s okay. I still catch myself struggling from time-to-time, too. We never fully arrive, but with practice we do grow and it gets easier and easier.

You get too focused on petty upsets sometimes. With all the larger disappointments lately you’re feeling the weight of all the smaller ones as well. Too much time now for you to wallow in despair. The truth is you could choose instead to focus on the sun and joy in your life. Our thoughts are seeds that grow into our reality.

You lack a strategy right now, but this is a sign for you to begin a strategy going forward. One with self-care and self-love as a priority. You will later be able to use what you learn through this process to help others love themselves and find their own journey. Learn to stop falling for a false sense of security. Deep down you know they never bring real stability and peace.

The fact that you got the knight of swords reversed twice in a row lets me know that you’re truly seeking a sense of security, but in so doing you’re falling for the illusions. You are scattered, unfocused, impatient, and unpredictable. You need grounding and balance deeply.

You have been having some sleepless nights or bad dreams lately. It’s time to confront your fears and see them for the illusions they are. You may be feeling depressed and anxious. The way you talk to yourself matters, and I don’t feel you’ve been talking very kindly to you. Maybe not to others either.

It’s not a time to feed into the paranoia of the world. It’s a great sign that you can take this time to actively heal and grow. Your heart holds deep wisdom and love, but you lack the confidence to express it. You’re being encouraged to study emotional intelligence and practice techniques that will help you build that going forward. You don’t always have to be so guarded.

You can be very defensive and not handle even constructive criticism well. My suggestion is to pause when you’re confronted with something that makes you hostile or anxious. Take time to meditate on it. The meditation will quiet your mind and ego, so that you can see without interference what is true.

Ask yourself if it’s true and if it is the good news is you can change it. If it isn’t it means nothing is as personal as it feels and someone has projected their own insecurities and lack onto you. So, then you can set some healthy boundaries and move forward with your life without anger and resentment.

You must teach others that no one is perfect, but that we can still spread the love and understanding. It’s time to accept apologies you may never get, and to ask forgiveness from those you’ve hurt. Denying your true traits due to defensiveness doesn’t fool the loved one who brought the traits up. It just severs the connections further.

Seek to embody the traits of a warrior, who stands up to fight another day, no matter how many times he is knocked down. Practice daily rituals that will bring you grounding and balance. This will take time as you learn, practice, and grow, so be patient and kind to yourself and others.

Every time you start to feel anxious or upset imagine you are a part of a fearless family of warriors. Spirit is showing me that while you don’t feel it in this moment you have a soul that endures, persists, and is in it for the long haul. The key to peace for you is to sip from life’s sweetness often, and remember that the rain and storms are nourishment for growing gardens.


Pile Four: Creativity and self-expression

Now is a great time for you to be creative and take calculated risks being yourself. Make sure you remain humble above all else and never allow yourself to remain vain or foolish. Your ego is not your authenticity, and you’re being called to authenticity now.

You’re afraid to be yourself because you feel like you will be publicly humiliated or judged by others. Now is also a good time to consider your circle. If those around you don’t accept your authenticity they aren’t accepting you. They will always smile to your face and talk behind your back no matter what you do, so perhaps it’s time to do you.

Regardless your gender I suggest you tap into divine feminine energy right now, and listen to your intuition. Take this time to be creative in expressing your body, mind, and spirit connection. Your energy is fertile right now for positive outcomes if you’re willing to be creative and let go of rigidity.

It doesn’t matter what other people think of you. They could tell you every hour for a full minute of that hour that you’re worthless and no good, but there are 59 minutes left in each of those hours. Minutes you can tell yourself something different and ultimately build your confidence and self-worth.

You’re facing a choice or will be soon regarding love and expression. Keep in mind that unless you’re willing to be vulnerable and be yourself it won’t matter which choice you make. Neither will be loving the real you. It’s perfectly acceptable to set healthy boundaries going forward.

Keep your heart open to loving unions and expand them, but never settle. Understand that other people can only love you at the level of healing they’ve allowed themselves. Sometimes you have to walk away. You are full of skills and natural talents that you’re not using or allowing the world to see.

You absolutely have the power to manifest your reality. You are very resourceful and have all the tools you need within. Activate the magic flowing through your veins by putting your focus into your own energy, willpower, actions, and desires. Find your spark and your why, and never let the why be to impress other people or gain their approval.

There are definitely some painful endings that need to take place for you to move onto the path of your purpose. Every day is an opportunity for you to heal from that. You’re being confronted with blinding truth, and if you chose this pile you know exactly what truths I’m speaking about or will soon.

Whatever path you were on before this started came to an abrupt end, and it’s not likely you’re going back. It’s time to chart a new path. If you’ve been going through a sort of dark knight of the soul energy know that this ends with a new dawn. Allow your wounds to teach you lessons and heal.

For most of you I feel this choice isn’t between two lovers, so much as it is between two career or financial paths. I feel like the path you were on previously isn’t meant for you, and that your path is one where you creatively express yourself in ways that benefit others. Greater success is possible.

Right now your sacral chakra is blocked. This means your intimacy and creativity isn’t as forthcoming as it could be. I would suggest doing sacral chakra meditations and listening to sacral chakra frequencies when you sleep. It is time to be open to more risk and new ideas. Stop living in fear.

Risk is all throughout this reading. A reminder that sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and do what others tell you is forbidden. Sometimes you’re provided with a familiar scenario as a test. The universe wants you to prove to yourself that you’ve learned the lessons of your past.

Stop worrying about how things will work out if you jump and just jump. Even if you do fail it’s a learning experience at worst. Never allow your risks to be motivated by boredom alone, but go within, seek the answers there, and do what your soul sings for you to do. Now is the time.

If this does have to do with people or a lover understand that sometimes rejection is for your own protection. Always be respectful, even when letting others go, but stand sure in your convictions and stand up for yourself. Don’t let others bully you into living the life they’ve mapped out for you. This is your life and you get to create your own map.

You’ve only been using half of your true potential. Know thyself and that will enhance all the work that you do. Do not avoid your darkness and shadow side. Embrace it and allow the light to expose the illusions you’ve allowed yourself to believe for so long. Forgive yourself and others.

You have to believe and trust that you are enough exactly as you are. Love is forever because you are love. Dream bigger dreams than the ones you’ve settled for in the past. You’re meant for much more than this.

Your guides are with you. They want you to know there are no secrets and games being played with you. You’re just hanging on tight to all the wrong ideas and people. Let the immature ones go and stop seeing in them what they continue showing you isn’t there. It’s time for you to blossom.


Pile Five: Adventure Time

You don’t handle surprise and unexpected events well, but Spirit wants you to know that you can change that. Now is a good time to pursue an adventure in learning something new. Something has ignited your curiosity and you’re being given the go ahead to explore that now.

Take all the loneliness and boredom you’ve been feeling and channel it into something new. In the past abandonment issues have held you back. You may be experiencing health or financial difficulties like so many right now. Even if you’re not there is a worry about your stability and your future.

The key to solving that stress lives within you. Go on an inner adventure and explore the resources and vastness within. Be devoted to your connectedness to the universe and the good people in your life. Don’t push good people away by blaming them for things old people did. Your insecurities are your responsibility to heal, and once you do your soul tribe shows up in spades.

For a long time life has felt stale to you, and you’ve been craving an adventure and newness. However, that fear of abandonment has held you back. It’s time to understand that no one ever left you or hurt you because you deserved it, and not everyone will leave you and hurt you.

Sometimes people leave because they were only meant to teach us something or to learn something from us. Let the leaving be part of the story and understand it’s okay. Some for a reason and some for a season. The ones truly meant to be part of your tribe will never go away.

Forgiveness is nothing more than consistently reminding yourself when the wounds come up that you are choosing not to take the pain personal and to let it go. It’s choosing to stop living in denial and face the facts. You’ve let so many new beginnings slip through your fingers already. Enough of that.

Stop assuming you already have the answer and that the answer is you will never achieve your goals. Get ready for an adventure down your soul path to discover what your purpose is. Journal, meditate, practice automatic writing, pay attention to your thoughts while doing mundane chores; record them.

There is something inside of you that is meant to be spoken. Your ability to communicate and do so effectively is strong. I don’t know if that’s verbal or written expression, but it’s your path to communicate what you learn on your adventure with others. True communication includes how you speak to yourself, so speak to you the way you would a best friend.

This adventure coming in for you is one of spiritual evolution. You may not have seen it coming. What you are going through right now is a part of your soul’s contract and evolution. Be sure to check in with yourself several times a day and make sure you’re aligned with your higher self.

Clarity is coming for you. The answers you thought would never come are on their way. You just have to be willing to go within and seek them. This period of time will be looked at later in your life as a major shifting point. Be sure to really think before you act going forward. You do not want to overthink everything, but some careful consideration is warranted.

Allow your life to unfold differently than expected. Sometimes what we wish for isn’t what is best for our higher purpose and happiness. The universe says no because it knows better than we do. Don’t get caught up in wishful thinking. Instead get caught up in your intuition and the whisper of adventure and creativity being stirred up inside of you.

Make a sacred commitment to yourself going forward. You must learn to be whole on your own before true love can come in and last. I know the road can be lonely because I’m on that same road now. My north node requires I become completely self-sufficient before I join resources with another. However, Spirit will always help see you through the hardest times.

Regardless your gender it’s time to recognize that all of us are made up of male and female aspects. Tap into the divine feminine. Don’t allow yourself to be aggressive or overly assertive right now. Tap into your nurturing, loving side. You have given so much of yourself and not allowed yourself to receive. That must change going forward.

Do not waste time hoping you’re protected. What is beautiful is you can have faith that you are protected forever. The weight you’ve carried is heavy. You’re constantly waiting for the next shoe to drop. It’s time to believe that the Spirit of the deer lives in you. Harmony, happiness, peace, and longevity are yours.

Stop holding on to the past. It’s past time to let it go. Take a vacation with your imagination and create an entirely new life as your most authentic self. You’ve given loyalty to all the wrong people expecting it in return. Learn the lessons and move forward in self-respect with healthy boundaries. Once you do this loyalty finds its way to you in spades.


Pile Six: Physical Activity and Infinite Potential

Everything is uncertain and the universe wants you to thrive in uncertainty. You’re going to go through a spiritual awakening at this time. Try to allow that to happen through physical activity as well as meditation. We don’t always have to be still for Spirit to speak to us.

Dance, clean your space, play with children, do something physical that gets your blood flowing every day. It doesn’t have to be physical exercise if that is painful or too much. Just do something to make sure your body is moving. You can inspire others to do the same. Take up yoga.

You are a very strong, stable, and loving person. People know they can trust you and that you’re a giver. Just make sure that while one of your hands is extended in giving the other is ready to receive. It’s okay to expect an equal exchange in your relationships.

You got the emperor twice in your top row. You are definitely not afraid to speak your mind, but sometimes you could do so in a kinder, more loving way. While people do sense your love your communication can be harsher than it needs to be at times. Now is a time of great advancement for you.

You are a classic romantic who wears their emotions on their sleeve. In love with the idea of love itself. Turn that inward. Have a bubble bath and glass of champagne. It would be a great idea for you to learn some slow dances. Search YouTube and do it alone in your room if you must. It will strengthen your intuition and help you stay in touch with your emotions.

You’re being asked to take on a new task. To use this time to pursue what your soul wants and plant those seeds. Whatever you do going forward understand your intentions because those are the seeds. Plant with focus and faith. It’s a time of freshly rooted new beginnings you.

You are blocked by fear, self-doubt, and allowing the lizard side of your brain to rule. There is a great need for self-control and the physical activity will help ground you and bring that in. Be self-aware of your self-destructive tendencies and catch them before they wreak havoc.

Do not be aggressive, but do be authoritative of your own time and resources. You’re a natural leader and it’s time for some structure in your life. A great affirmation for you is “I lead the circumstances in my world with confidence, harmony, and generosity”. You are full of untapped ambition.

There is a loving warning here that you’re not living a balanced life. Something is out of proportion. It could be something as simple as a lack of self-care. When you keep putting yourself last you grow more and more resentful and need to take a step back and recharge. The universe gives us back what we put out. That’s all it knows how to do.

There may be a friend or guide in your life with feminine energy. This person is there to help guide you in the new direction your life is taking. To help you learn how to represent this side of you that is ready to unfold and blossom. This person could already be in your life or is on their way in.

You’re being encouraged to be silly and playful more. Spend some time laughing and letting loose. You have spent a lifetime seeking your belonging outside of the self, and it’s time to recognize that the only real home is our authenticity within. No one can take that from you.

Understand that just because some people don’t have the ability to recognize you fully it doesn’t mean you’re not worth recognition. Sometimes they are just caught up in their own lives and stories. Now is a time to remain in the shadows and build up a solid foundation within.

Don’t make things more difficult than they have to be. It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing. Hone in on your own talents, which may be connected to physical activity, and develop those. Stop comparing yourself to others. What you have to offer matters as much as what anyone else offers. Decide what you really want and make sure those intentions (seeds) are clear.

Surrender to the universe and be a vessel for the highest good. When you do this your highest good is automatically taken care of. Make an altar and pick up a daily spiritual ritual. Do so with respect and humility, but understanding that you can’t get it wrong. The universe reads intentions.

Offer yourself grace and see yourself as the brave, fearless warrior you are. Dream bigger dreams. Your inner peace and capability to believe is found when you don’t take life so seriously. This is a dress up rehearsal. Every life we live is another role we play.

Music will have important insight for you going forward. The universe will be giving you messages through songs. The advice to be playful is throughout this entire reading. So lighten your heart. Play with a child if there are some around you. Get in touch with your own inner child for healing.


Pile Seven: Intuitive Awakening

You struggle at times to believe you’re worth the desires of your heart, but we all are. The way to ensure you’re on the path your soul mapped out is to be in tune with your intuition. Envy, internal struggle, and guilt have plagued you in the past and likely do now, too.

In order to persevere you’re being asked to be patient, make prudent decisions, seek balance, compassion, and tranquility. Avoid making rushed decisions. Instead, when faced with a choice go within or journal to seek your answers. Make sure to consider the feelings of others.

It’s time to limit your losses and let go of people and circumstances that you know are not serving you. There is no need to continue fighting because the war has long been over. You get to cultivate your environment with intention going forward and ensure it works for you. Listen to the nudging of your soul because that is your intuition guiding you.

We all struggle at times with vices, unhealthy habits and mindsets, and becoming prisoners of our experiences. There is much healing that can be found in that darkness if we choose to let the light illuminate our reasons and expose the shadow for the illusion that it is.

Now is a time of transition. You’ve been walking through life without using your intuition. However, it’s a rite of passage for you to leave the darkness behind and step into the light. This is a time of personal evolution and you will be granted help from outside sources, so pay attention to them. It’s a period of realignment and you’ll later be able to help others through theirs.

You’ve been surrounded by conflict lately. A lot of in group fighting and arguments are going on. People are being overly aggressive or competitive. You dislike and tend to avoid the conflict if you can, but now is not the time for that. It’s time to get it out of your life and set boundaries.

Sometimes we have difficulty working with others. If you’re experiencing this seek the answer and resolution within. Don’t be selfish and don’t allow selfish people to swallow your energy. Don’t hoard resources or energy, but don’t dish it out and give it to just anyone right now. There is a need to be more charitable, but helping those who won’t help themselves is a lost cause.

This passage forward is being blocked by attachments. With the devil card coming out twice in this spread there is a strong message that it’s time to walk away from the negativity and stuck, stale energy. We often create our own chains and then claim we don’t have a choice. It’s time to release the fear and be honest with yourself. It may hurt, but it will never hurt as badly as this stagnant, stale, uneven exchange does.

It’s time to set aside emotional responses and use your logic going forward. We tend to be all head or all heart, and what we need is a balance of the two. When you’re caught up in your emotions you’re not thinking clearly. Creativity and new beginnings are available if you would slow down and see them.

You’re wound up very tight and this has made you rigid. Maybe some of the war has been your own doing. It’s time to forgive, to understand, to realize it’s not personal, and to become flexible. Other people’s way of coping has so little to do with you. It’s mostly projection.

Just let complicated things be complicated. The first step is acknowledging truth, and the truth is sometimes things are hard. There may not be an immediate answer to your questions, but time will have it all making sense. Remember energy goes where your attention flows, so be sure you’re focusing and directing your energy where you know it’s needed most.

It’s a time of new growth. This means you won’t see the harvest right away and will be required to water, pull weeds, and wait. Let this awakening happen. Spirit is going to increase the signs and synchronicity in your life, so pay attention to what stands out. Use that as faith to keep pushing forward.

All that you wish for will come to fruition if you have patience, put in the work, and trust your intuition. You will gain prosperity in all areas of life that matter to you most. The time will come and you will receive your reward. Just know that the harvest isn’t immediate and stop expecting immediate gratification. The world we live in makes that hard, but not impossible.

Keep the fearless, brave warrior spirit alive. Hope and trust in your dreams. The key to unlocking your full potential is to count your blessing among the burdens. Be playful and lighten up. Use your imagination to take frequent vacations. Be sharp and mentally clear, combing through the details.

Life is a cycle of death and rebirth. Just as the leaves turn colors and fall off the tree only to grow green again in Spring, so do you turn and change, die and become reborn. It’s the cycle of life.




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Adjust Your Sails

Adjust Your Sails

You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors. ― Andrew Boyd