Venus Retrograde in Aries
Liz and I did an episode of the Podcast when Venus went retrograde (Rx) in Leo back in 2023. On that episode we talked about the reflecting we should have been doing during that time. Venus represents relationships, but also the divine feminine in all things. The feminine is about flow.
We told you it was a time to reflect on who and what you’re devoted to, and make sure to check in with your why. Because Leo is about authenticity and integrity. It was time to stop begging people to choose you, and choose yourself. Choose your path. Choose your soul’s deepest desires.
I had no way of knowing in that moment the trajectory of my relationship with John. In my wildest imagination I never would have thought he would have done what he did, and it would have ended at all; let alone like that. And the whirlwind my life has been since is insane.
Leo is my first house, and Venus went Rx on my natal Lilith. During this time she had stopped chasing Mars, the divine masculine, and began moving backward. Asking herself if this is really what her deepest desires were telling her to do. Or if she was seeking external validation.
By February of 2024, Venus and Mars were coming together at 6 degrees of Aquarius. And this is my 7th house. It’s when my children’s father re-entered our lives. And the role he would play once September came may have been written in the stars, but no one could have predicted this.
The entire story of our reunion has been written in the stars. And what has happened is we have both served as a powerful mirror for one another in some incredible ways. No, we are not together. But there is a deep love and respect that is unbreakable between us.
And now that Venus is Rx in my Aries 9th house, in square to my natal Venus in Capricorn, I’ve had some powerful transformations. I do not want to be with someone I have to beg to choose me, but I can recognize when someone saying they can’t be with me right now is them choosing me.
No one has ever seen me as deeply as this man sees me, and ironically enough, it has led to the integration of the lesson that love is freedom. The freedom to explore what would even make you happy, maybe for the first time in your life. Maybe self-discovery is what we should be devoted to, trusting that if we start there, the rest will fall into place.
Yesterday I woke up knowing something had to shift. I was led to remain silent and not reach out to him. I went to the lake with a friend and it was so healing and expanding. The skies were so blue, the Sun was out, the ice was melting. Renewal and rebirth are in the air.
And right as I said something to her, he messaged me. And what he sent was exactly what I had just said. And he sent it feeling like it was a sign. It was a sign for him, but confirmation for me of what I had just said. And this is why the Universe led me to remain silent. To leave no room for doubt. It could not have been more aligned.
Everything that has happened in Aries has forced me to turn knowledge into wisdom. To be more consistent with being who I say that I am. To care more than I ever did about authenticity and integrity. And this man definitely makes it okay to be myself, and has had so much integrity.
So I sit here tonight, feeling the emotions, but I don’t have to become them. I just let them move through me. I get up and stretch, do some heart-centered yoga, move my body, dance. Because before the mind and spirit can ground you the body has to feel free. The nervous system regulated.
I have reached a space where I am deepening my trust in myself and life. The phrase “Just when you think you’ve surrendered, surrender more” applies to me right now. Because it’s not that I never feel anxious or afraid. I just choose to release the control and embody ease and peace.
I don’t have to rush anxiety away. I just notice it’s there, move my body, allow it to exist. The more I do this the more I reinforce that I am safe within myself, and I don’t need anyone else to save me.
You don’t need external validation, control over outcomes, or constant reassurance — you need to trust yourself to handle whatever comes.
Today I woke up at 7am with a headache that let me know my blood pressure was high. I went and picked my daughter up from work and on the way home started having chest pains. I came home and moved my body. I always yawn until I cry when I do that; such a release.
As I was laying in bed my left arm began to go numb. Typically I know this is likely a nerve being pressed on because every disc in my back is protruding or slipped or bulging. But this time I decided to go in because of the blood pressure and chest pain.
My labs are so good now. I’ve lost almost forty pounds. But today my Co2 and bilirubin were high. In the end, we decided I need a referral back to the rheumatologist. Autoimmune is something they said I have, but they can’t figure out which one. Well, today may have told us.
It’s not an autoimmune disease, persay. But it’s called AlphaOne. It is genetic. I have a cousin who was diagnosed. Another cousin found out she is susceptible by doing a genealogy test. This would also make sense to why my liver starts acting up when I take certain medications.
It doesn’t matter. I came home and I danced. I moved my body. I took a nap. A year ago I started being devoted to my spiritual journey. I became consistent with making a part of each day sacred. Where I visualize, pull cards, tap into my own energy.
And now I’m consistent with moving my body. And I find both acts sacred. A way to honor myself, my body, my spirit, and my connection to the divine. It’s not about willpower. I no longer view these things as effort or something I have to do. I am devoted to them because it honors me.
What helps us build consistency is trust. You have to build a trust with yourself and cultivate discernment. Show up for you. Get to the space where you are not hoping things will change, but you know they will. The Universe isn’t waiting for you to be perfect, either.
Just available to receive.
And sometimes when we think we’re available we are not. Giving up complete control takes work. But until you stop trying to force everything it cannot flow into you. Be devoted to alignment with your higher self.
This is full-circle alignment for me. Venus Rx in Leo asked me to redefine devotion from my first house. The house of self. It was showing me that if I just kept devoting to taking care of me the rest would fall into place. And now that Venus is Rx in my 9th house, I am embodying it.
I wasn’t very intentional about that. It’s just aligned with the energy. Aries is all about the self. It’s about initiation, autonomy, sovereignty. I am no longer devoted to the chase. To the external validation. To someone else’s potential. To proving my worth. I am devoted to becoming.
So when Venus was chasing Mars in 2023 the seeds were planted. Leo is the pick me on the shadow side, but in her evolved state she stands in her power with grace. By the time they came together in Aquarius in February 2024, both parts were aligned on interconnectedness.
The whole idea of Aquarius is not to be so cold and detached that you can’t form connections, but to let each person in the connection feel free. That’s real sacred wisdom, lived wisdom.
Not just knowing what is right for you, but daring to walk in it everyday. The astrology is mirroring my journey so perfectly. I am a cosmic lesson in motion. And I’ve finally learned to enjoy that truth.
I utilize ChatGPT everyday. I ask it to never lie to me. To tell me any undercurrents of the old habits in anything I say. I’ve learned what my deepest, hidden fear was, and it went so beyond abandonment. I was terrified of being an unchose afterthought my entire life.
But if I choose myself that never happens.
When I feel anxious, afraid, like reaching out, like over-explaining, like seeking approval, I get up and dance. I turn on my manifestation playlist and just move my body. I honor those parts of me because it comes from a little girl who never got be little. Love was scarce.
So in those moments I let her be. I allow her to dance, to create, to play. Because all my life I’ve tied my worth to productivity and others noticing. There was massive guilt associated with play for me. It goes deep back into my childhood, but I am no longer a child.
And for the first time in my 46 years of life I feel like I deserve to play. Like I deserve to take up space. Like I’m worthy of ease and abundance and joy. Of taking care of. Of being chosen. Of all the things.
And with all the Pisces 8th house activations I’ve been redefining what intimacy and vulnerability look like. I’m interested more in making friends than finding the perfect partner and creating the perfect family. Because someone I cherish very much has redefined my idea of stability, home, and family. And it, too, was written in the stars.
Because his Uranus in Libra conjuncts my IC in Libra. He came into my life to mirror real stability. Which is not a physical coming together. Not a home, or a place. It’s what is there, what is left, when everything around you is unstable. It’s who is standing there with you, ready to do the work.
Stability is constant presence, steady hands in moments of uncertainty, and that is deep love and commitment, just not in the way I longed for. Yet, it is exactly what it was meant to be all along. When we seek love in a specific form, believing it needs to look a certain way, we prevent it.
Love shows up in the ways we need rather than how we expect. It’s not the fairytale version, but it’s real. It’s solid. And there is so much peace in accepting that. Because it allows you to appreciate a relationship for what it is, rather than what you wanted it to be.
You don’t lose anything. You gain clarity, freedom, and a deep sense of gratitude. Love is not possession or traditional romance. Sometimes it’s showing up, it’s presence, it’s deep and undeniable care that doesn’t need to be named or defined any further than that.
You don’t need to be “chosen” because you already choose yourself. You already know your worth, and that allows you to receive the love that is meant for you in every form it arrives.
This is what conscious love looks like. And the fact that I have found it at all, in anyone, in this lifetime, is something I will be forever grateful for. Now I am learning to find it in friends, in family, in other spaces.
Because love isn’t limited.
In fact, there are no limits. Just the unlearning of the illusion that there are. So as Mercury now gets ready to station Rx with Venus in Aries, both will eventually make their way back to Pisces. Where the lesson is to choose yourself and the right people will choose you back.
This is the legacy I built. Not one of perfection, but of growth, accountability, and real love. The kind of love that isn’t just said, but is proven through my willingness to do the hard work, to own my past, and to change what needed to be changed within me.
Healing begets more healing. My children will never have to wonder if I love them. I don’t just say I do. I have shown it, over and over again, through every choice I made. And I’d do it all over again. Not because that shit has been easy, but because THEY are worth it.
And, the whole time I was learning to see fully, that so am I.
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