Venus in the 6th house: Obligation is not Love
I have a sixth house Venus in Capricorn. The place I am meant to leave a legacy is the house of drudgery in my chart. The house of work and routine. Health and wellness. What we sacrifice ourselves for. And apparently for me, that is love and money.
I have such a natural caretaker that lives deep within me. I’m sure that my Moon conjunct Saturn in the 2nd house plays into that a lot. It is almost like my duty to set aside how I feel in order to be of service to others. Saturn rules my sixth house and is in trine to my Venus. He also rules my 7th.
So my relationships have been work. I have labored hard to be loved. Even in the healthiest relationship of my life I have fallen into this habit. Making everyone else’s lives easier, while mine becomes heavier and fuller. Venus ruling my Libra third speaks to peacekeeping being a habit of mine.
That being said, this can also speak to my relationship being the legacy I leave behind. The sort of relationship, in all its imperfection, that John and I are cultivating together. We inspire each other in such amazing ways.
When we wait to speak up until the resentment is full throttle we can only blame ourselves. Being vulnerable is not easy. We want people to love us without having to teach them how, but that’s the coward’s way out. And sometimes you could spell it out for people and they can’t read. But in both scenarios you’re teaching people how to treat you.
I like Venus in the Capricorn sixth house for collaborating with women. Venus ruling the 3rd and 10th suggests I do this through writing or speaking to the public. The trine to Saturn in the 2nd suggests my personal resources are benefitted when I collaborate with others. Saturn does rule the houses of work and collaboration.
This can speak to the situation I am currently in. John and I are engaged, and we are joining resources with others in order to increase our personal resources. And it has brought challenges with imposter syndrome, and other things I keep having to work through.
It’s been so hard learning that obligation isn’t love. It never feels that way and we lie to ourselves that it does. We stay stuck in situations we have no business being in because we are terrified we are worthy. We know deep down that we are, but when we lack emotional intelligence we beg for it, rather than walk around owning it.
If you decided right now, in this moment, “I am worthy” who could refute that? Even if they tried you have the power to know your worth and walk away from people like that. Your worth is always there, waiting for you to recognize it within yourself first.
For better or worse doesn’t apply to situations where you’re the only one making an effort of real value. Sometimes the other person tries, but they can’t keep up with you. We outgrow each other.
Obligation begins when you keep showing up, but are so full of resentment, anger, guilt, shame, hurt, and pain that you don’t want to. It’s becoming unaware of other possibilities that you could conjure up. It’s remaining willingly in a prison like feeling, always tired, always exhausted.
When you stay in situations as if you don’t have a choice you’re making a choice. That choice is to play small because you’re afraid of the shoes you are here to fill. You let the past, other people, your triggers drown out the sound of your own soul.
Obligation lacks the integrity you feel it possesses. It lacks integrity because it lacks an honest conversation. And I keep telling you all that the Leo energy is not playing. A lack of integrity was never an option in creating the life of your dreams. Stop wasting time.
Instead, make sure that there is reciprocal commitment in all that you do. That healthy boundaries are involved. That it is growing together. That the embers that burn beneath the initial spark stay strong. That both people can say “I see you” and “I hear you”, and then back it up with action.
Look at your life right now. What feels like an obligation that is not providing you excitement when you show up? Who feels like dead weight in your life that is holding you back from your own potential? Because it’s not your job to realize theirs.
There are times when we can commit to something we feel obligated to, understanding there is reward in that. But with Saturn currently being in Pisces we are being asked to dig so much deeper than ever before. To own our inner alignment, and stop projecting responsibility for our feelings onto the people around us.
As I was writing that last bit a message came in. It’s got me feeling like I am not good enough, but that isn’t because the person who sent the message said that. It’s because I wrap my worth up in being of service. In doing. In caring for and controlling everything for everyone else.
And this is a lesson in the humility we have to have on our journey. Because for as flawed as we are we are still worthy of love and care. Relationships require balance. And when the equilibrium is off it’s time to have a honest and vulnerable conversation.
Duty and obligation without a loving commitment are not enough. The other person you’re obligated to must provide something safe, tangible, and real for you to feel is reciprocation. There are times we all have to sacrifice for love and relationships, but we shouldn’t sacrifice our integrity.
And while Jupiter isn’t in the best shape he is receiving a sextile from the Sun in Leo. Put your faith in yourself. In your ability to feel hard things and process them without projecting it onto others. In your efforts to grow and achieve the next level of our lives.
You will keep your faith easier if you go within and stay true to what you find there. If you choose to take on an obligation you have to communicate if it starts to cause resentment and ill feelings. Give the other person a chance to hear you and understand you. The right partner WILL.
I could tell you the incidents in my relationship where things were not going well. But more than that I can tell you the times John has sat with me, genuinely listening, and doing his best to understand. In so many cases I’ve been able to teach him something about dealing with feelings.
He is the right partner not because he is perfect, but because he seeks to create a safe space for me to land. Even in a moment recently where I had been deep in resentment he not only heard me, he changed his behavior to prove that he did. It means everything to me.
I am someone that is willing to give up hurtful behaviors for those I love. We don’t always view our behaviors as harmful, but we cannot be the judge of that. If something I do isn’t healthy for the relationship I am going to make a concentrated effort to stop doing it.
To have someone committed to the same thing makes it possible for a relationship to survive and thrive in difficult circumstances. Events that would normally tear couples apart can bring you closer together. The steady stream of validation you chase will never be found.
You have to convince yourself you’re going to be okay no matter what. Get to know your higher self. Make decisions aligned with that version of you. Build self-trust. Then you can work on trusting others because you will have a foundation of self-soothing and reassurance to fall back on.
Maybe you feel guilty leaving someone when you promised them forever, anyone wanting you to stay in that situation isn’t asking out of love. They are asking because your leaving feels like a validation of their abandonment and victimhood.
We often stay because there is so much history and familiarity. We stay because we’ve invested too much to give up now. But I say there is something to be said for knowing when to walk away. When to decide not to waste anymore of your years.
But if you have a good one keep them. If they are willing to listen, open up, be vulnerable, grow, and take accountability that’s everything. Don’t blow it by letting small shit cloud the long-term vision. Talk about the small shit while Mercury is Rx in Virgo, and hash out the details.
I’m so over fighting with myself. I long ago stopped fighting others. This battle for me is over the duty and obligation I feel to everything. I’ve never resonated more with a quote than this one by Andrew Boyd:
“Many of us have set out on the path of enlightenment. We long for a release of self-hood in some kind of mystical union with all things. But that moment of epiphany — when we finally see the whole pattern and sense our place in the cosmic web — can be a crushing experience from which we never fully recover. Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. You can not turn away.
Your destiny is bound to the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors.
To seek enlightenment is to seek annihilation, rebirth, and the taking up of burdens. You must come prepared to touch and be touched by each and every thing in heaven and hell.
I am One with the Universe and it hurts.”
This is an inner issue for me. Even now, in this moment, I am battling thoughts of not being good enough. My children have their dad in their lives now. John and I can’t provide the life for them we were hoping to when this whole thing started. But if I give up now we never will.
Other people may look at this situation and not think it’s a big deal, but it is for me. I had to work through a lot of resentment toward their father. Part of me is angry that he doesn’t have the history with them I do because it leaves smaller reasons to resent him.
And the whole time my kids are just excited to meet him and be building a relationship with him. It has nothing to do with me and my relationship to them. But part of me still fears their abandonment and leaving. And if the day ever comes where they choose to do that I have to somehow be okay.
I can’t live my life anymore as if my children are going to abandon me, and make choices misaligned with my vision for my life. It is in me living an authentic life that they will benefit some day. Even if they couldn’t see it today, which I know they can.
But do you see how the stories we tell ourselves matter? Catching ourselves in the throes of these stories is a gift. It means we can change the plot. It means everything can work out. It means that my children can love him and me at the same time. It means letting go of dead weight.
And sometimes the dead weight isn’t the relationship at all, but the stories you keep telling yourself from the past. When you’re tired of the predictable you will learn to experiment. When you’re sick of the same old shit you will tell a different story. Until then, you will beg for someone else to change it, and project your responsibility into the ethers.
I wrote all of that and had to go to the store. On my way home I was talking to my daughter. She said her dad doesn’t like my haircut. In fact, he said it was a bad call. And I just wrote how strange it is to have him here. I raised our children on my own all these years.
My preferred hair never stopped him from cheating, and it certainly didn’t stop him from leaving. I do not base my decisions on what other people think. But honestly, I get several compliments a week on my hair. I am not trying to impress a man who has two decades of abandonment to atone for.
My other daughter is getting married in just hours. Well, she is already married. They tied the knot a year ago at the courthouse. This is their wedding that will include family and friends. I made the cake. It’s not what we planned on, but still turned out great.
I am whipped. It’s almost 5 am and I just got done showering and giving myself a shave. I’m going to don this beautiful thrift store dress I got for half off, and my freshly cut hair. And I promise you I will walk around that wedding with my shoulders back and my head high.
Because my confidence will never depend on whether someone else finds me attractive. Beauty fades and is only skin deep. Anyone still focused on the surface at our age is failing. Here is a sneak peek at the cake. The rest will be done at the venue later.
They are doing a fairytale themed wedding in pinks and silvers. Once we get it to the venue the edges will be cleaned up and grass will be piped. We have the most beautiful topper I can’t wait to set on high.
Oh, and remember when I said above to be careful of the stories we tell ourselves? My daughter came down with my grandson and laid his napping self in my bed. She cut my hair. Then we laid together cuddling my grandbaby and conversing. Any stories I would have told myself would have been a lie, and I would have made others responsible for it.
Goodnight ❤
