The Threshold of Vulnerability

There is a part of me that just wants solutions. That doesn’t care about connecting with others, as much as I care about solving all their problems. Part of this is because I am constantly trying to earn my keep. Steadily contemplating what I can do to make sure I’m loved and there is peace.

Part of me desires connection, too. We are dual-natured beings and that’s why it’s normal to not know what our own needs are. We’re so busy trying to meet everyone else’s. The problem with this is you’re guessing everyone else’s, and growing resentment that they don’t care about yours; even if you don’t know what yours are and haven’t communicated them sufficiently.

The Pluto in Libra generation is here to expose the lies of the fifties and sixties, which tried to portray this nuclear family and the idea that there was a good old days energy to tap into. Pluto in Scorpio came to teach us that sex and gender norms are illusions. We all feel things.

When our action-oriented side gets anxious we may want to solve all the problems. If our softer, more nurturing side is feeling anxious we may need external validation to soothe our fears. But in both cases a part of us is feeling anxious. How we handle it depends on many factors.

Some of us avoid emotions at all costs. Others are constantly emotional and want everyone around them to be responsible except for themselves. Someone has to be self-aware, and as unfair or shitty as it may be, the more self-aware one has to take the lead.

You have to start with the feelings because I promise you they don’t care about the facts. I love the facts. I would rather deal in facts than feelings almost every single time. But until we deal with the feeling our bodies still do not ever feel safe. And if an anxious person doesn’t feel safe they won’t stop feeling anxious. In fact, the anxiety increases.

This is why it’s so important to learn how to tolerate greater and greater levels of discomfort. The only way you’re ever going to truly be able to sit with another person’s pain is to confront your own first. Once you get used to sitting with shame, guilt, imposter syndrome, grief, and sadness it increases your ability to truly make others feel seen, heard, and understood. I wish I could say I’ve mastered this, but I have not.

Here we are in Cancer Season. That’s my 12th house and I can tell you that there are definitely shadows rising up that I am to confront. Since 2020 the astrology has been shifting us into learning some very important lessons. We want so badly with this Mars Uranus conjunction to make moves, but I am telling you please think shit through all the way to the end.

Right now it’s a time to play with ideas and not commit to big things. Understand that if something doesn’t work you don’t have to be trapped into it for very long. And so much of the energy is about how we are individuating and changing the way we connect.

In March of 2020 Covid suddenly became a huge thing. We were forced to lock down and stay home. Forced to confront the things that work and being out and about allowed us to ignore about our homes, our families, the things we were doing out of habit and not pure joy and love.

In April we saw Saturn, Pluto, and Jupiter all come together in Capricorn. Legacies and structures we’d become dependent on suddenly were taken away. We were forced to reckon with the fact that for the past two decades shit hasn’t resonated for us, and it was time to release it all. It was heavy.

It is often that we don’t make any changes if things aren’t shaken up. So Covid did the trick for many of us. We had the Nodes in Taurus and Scorpio. We were chasing physical safety, security, and stability, but realizing we were stuck in cycles and patterns of trauma and delusion.

We saw a rise in things like gentle parenting and healing modalities. Because while so much of us is resonating with a better version of life, we struggled to let go of the old. Releasing our victim mindset runs deep, and it’s a job that is absolutely never done.

In 2023 we saw Mercury go Rx in Capricorn, which offered us a different perspective. We started to view legacy and structure differently. We now understand that a less committed approach may be necessary moving forward in our lives. We began changing the way we relate to each other.

In March 2023 as Pluto entered Aquarius and Saturn moved into Pisces we felt confident and ready for transformation. As the eclipses began happening in Aries and Libra the idea of relating was brought to the forefront. You have to be your own solid foundation, and those around you determine how solid the walls are.

If there is part of your structure that isn’t solid it’s your responsibility to fix that. To remove the rotted part and rebuild. Crying and playing victim only keeps you stuck. Forgiveness is not something that comes easy. It’s something you actively choose every time the anger comes up.

The South Node in Libra made peacekeeping exceptionally draining. The North Node in Aries with Chiron was healing wounds related to playing it small. We had to acknowledge the part we play in our victimhood sometimes when we stay in situations we don’t belong in.

It didn’t help when Venus went Rx in Leo in July 2023. Because the fact that she is Rx there means we need to relearn something about Leo energy. What it means to shine, to be confident, to be a warm leader full of integrity. To know our needs are worthy of being met.

Mercury will soon Rx back into Leo, and Mars’ next Rx is also in Leo. So this is a long process of us redefining what leadership looks like. We had a lot happen in July 2023 that was forcing us to honor how we felt, even if we understood that how we felt was just an unevolved perspective.

If you’re honest you’ll admit that you’ve changed a lot since 2020. In April of this year we had the Jupiter Uranus conjunction in Taurus. An unexpected lucky break. I know mine was my current job. I hadn’t even applied for it. It was a gift the universe put in my lap. My life is so different now than in 2020. And I’m going to take some time to stop and explore that more.

Now we are in this long whole sign square of Jupiter in his detriment square Saturn in Pisces. Saturn in Pisces has been about forcing us to be responsible for our own emotions, and our own boundaries. It’s been about the inner discipline to build the outer expression.

Jupiter in Gemini can lose faith easily. Especially if they get too focused on what everyone else is saying or doing. My advice is make sure you’re having the right conversations by surrounding yourself with the right people. Those who can bring you back when you start to lose your footing.

This entire story is something Liz and I have spoken about on the Grand Rising Podcast. I think she and I are both ready to do an overhaul of the show. I’m very excited to see what we come up with. Don’t rush this time. Use this time to keep working on aligning with the flow, and releasing the hustle. Seek to attract rather than to chase.

Don’t be married to one idea or one way of doing things. If one way isn’t working maybe it’s just not the way you’re going to see success. There are other ways if you just open yourself to the answer falling into your lap. You have to let go of this idea that the journey is linear. It’s cyclical.

In 2025 we have The North Node entering Pisces, South Node Virgo. The NN will conjunct Neptune immediately, as the SN opposes it. And then we see Jupiter enter exaltation in Cancer, which is all about learning to trust ourselves again or for the first time. We are deep into a healed state of being at this time, and consistently show up for ourselves and others.

Right now you’re meant to learn that people pleasing is a dead end. The only kind of people that entertain that energy is people whose self-worth is just as low as yours. And it becomes a game of cat and mouse. The North Node in Aries is showing us clearly that confidence is sexy.

Confident doesn’t mean you do not struggle. It means that you’re able to tolerate the moments of struggle without caving to victimhood. That you’re able to feel safe in your triggered state. You aren’t concerned with regulating faster. You focus on learning to coexist with the feeling, so that it’s not having you project it outward.

Until the SN leaves Libra we should be working on our tendency to people please. For others, maybe you force everyone else to please you. This can go either way. But the idea here is to create more equilibrium in your life. To carry more weight if its fair, or delegate to others if it’s already a lot.

On September 17th we have Lunar eclipse at 25 degrees Pisces. October 2nd we have a Solar eclipse ten degrees Libra. It’s okay to care deeply about another person, and still release them and wish them well. But before that, in August, it feels like we’ve taken off the training wheels.

We’re still scared to death. But we’re aligning with our purpose anyway. We know that others may not like new versions of us, but it has very little to do with us. It is that our energy no longer aligns with the idea of enmeshment.

I remember a time deep back in my unhealed days, where I thought I wanted a man to be obsessed with me. I wanted him to think of me night and day, and think I was the best thing in the world. And you think you want a man who says he can’t live without you, until your abuser threatens to kill himself every time you say you’re going to leave.

I never wanted that. What I wanted was to be convinced I was worthy of the love they claim to have for me. The only one who could ever convince me of that is myself. I am very baseline calm. I could come home to an empty house every day and find so much peace in that. There is no way I should ever be smothered. It feels so icky to me now.

Tomorrow is a New Moon in my Cancer 12th house. Seeds being planted in my subconscious about home, family, and the unknown. I can’t always know what’s going to happen if I speak up for my needs, but I deserve to be nurtured, too. And if I’m not it’s either because I haven’t spoken up, or I have and the other person just doesn’t care to put the energy in.

This New Moon is at 14 degrees. This speaks to the number five and freedom. It’s in a loose conjunction with Venus. We are cutting ties with codependency. It’s in a sextile to my Saturn and Moon, as well as my NN. I’m so ready to figure out this next level.

It’s okay to try things. You don’t have to sit and wait for the perfect time. If something doesn’t work maybe the next thing will. This New Moon offers a chance to finally express our own needs. To refine our definition of nurturing and our relationship to our inner child. Home is within.

Liz and I did an entire episode on the NN in Aries and SN in Libra. It’s the me versus we axis. This New Moon is square the Nodes. Our past is still impacting our present, and we are noticing our emotional response. We become further aware of our triggers and defense mechanism.

She is also sextile Mars and trine Saturn. Overall her aspects are so lovely. Our next move is rooted in emotional intelligence, and belief in self. We have to learn to become our safe space. So that no matter where we are, or what situation we find ourselves in, we are able to process emotions fully.

Everyone is worthy of having their needs met, as long as those needs are not harmful to others. But a lot of us convince ourselves we’re not. And we waste entire lifetimes chasing a different answer, but being unwilling to speak something different into existence.

The South Node in Scorpio was all about us no longer hanging our heads in shame. In Libra it’s about no longer caring what other people think to the point we lose peace trying to keep theirs. When it moves into Virgo it’s about releasing perfectionism. Releasing the need for all the answers.

A New Moon with Mars sextile Saturn. It’s as if the planet of war is forging ahead through all obstacles. Some sort of blockage is released. We are feeling more open minded. Allowing ourselves to question everything without judgment, and letting others question things, too.

Now is the time to put yourself out there. To release the nerves, the fear, the imposter syndrome, whatever it is that’s held you back. There is so much support waiting in the shadows for you. You have to free yourself from karmic contracts that are not producing fruit.

You can’t fly if you’re weighed down by the expectations or your imaginary obligations to others. It is time to level up. In what areas of life? All of them, but especially any areas that are being transited right now in your chart. There are some duties and obligations that have befallen you, and even in the midst of all of that you can choose softness. You can choose ease.

Even in the smallest thing. I had today off, but I don’t celebrate the fourth of July because I don’t care about being part of a country that just tries to say it’s better, but never walks the talk. The Supreme Court just ruled that Donald Trump gets immunity, which sets a dangerous precedent.

So I stayed home and cleaned my house. I’ve let it go for a few days as I was busy with work and other things. A huge part of me still judges myself that I haven’t come up with a better solution to John’s medical supplies in our dining room, and I had it in my mind to tackle that today, but I did not.

I have chosen to give myself the evening off. I’m going to take a long, hot bath. I’m going to just do whatever feels intuitive tonight. The only thing I obligated myself to is taking my kids over to my parents. They’re going to all walk downtown together. Their cousin is there, too. They’re wanting to watch the fireworks. I’ll pick them all up later.

John will be on his machine for a while, as we just got him hooked up. Once he’s off we will probably hit the clean sheets I washed and get some sleep. Pay attention to your dreams right now. Don’t overly commit yourself to anything. Just go with the flow. Act intuitively, rest intuitively.

Namaste ❤

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