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The Stories We Tell Ourselves
When the adult yells most children remain silent. It’s never noticed because the screaming adults are trapped in a trigger that took them back to when they were 6, 7, 15 years old. Neither the child, nor the parent, has any self-awareness to understand what is going on.
The child learns that speaking up for themselves is talking back. Talking back is a dangerous game to play, so begins the supression of one’s own emotions, values, and dreams. And if there are fawning adults around the yelling one it’s always encouraged to the child to apologize first.
See, that adult was also taught to suppress and do what they were told. They did that for the same reason most children do; to be loved, accepted, protected, and safe. In many instances, to simply survive the daily war around them. The fawning adult hasn’t learned any other way to be because you become who raised you in spite of your silent defiance.
Children are always expected to be “the bigger person” when the adults raising them wouldn’t know how to be what they actually are. And I spent years mad about this. Some children grow up and realize they are in control now, but they only feel that sense of order when they are allowed to control you, children, and others outside of themselves.
They lack complete self-control. Their yelling, anger, outbursts, doesn’t make…
