The Safe Space

We have to become our own safe space first. We have to stop trying to make home in human hearts when we haven’t learned to decorate our own. We have to pretend we deserve real, authentic love, even when it’s hard. Even when it takes everything in us to make the right decision. The one someone with self-worth and self-respect would make.

The pretending only lasts for a little bit. See, when you wait to feel like it that day never comes. So, you learn to act first, no matter how you feel. And over time you start to feel empowered. You begin to feel pride in yourself. Self-respect develops. You heal your own heart and relationship to self.

You realize it’s never about trusting anyone else. It’s about trusting yourself to not tolerate disrespect. To not take it personal, but to not sit and take it either. Light it all on fire in the pursuit of authenticity and vulnerability or you will never know real freedom. It’s a state of mind; of being.

Own every part of your story, for better or worse. Once you understand the worst was never you, but learned behavior, forgiveness for self and others can bring in deep healing. Yes, you’ll have to let some people go. Not everyone will be ready to be vulnerable at the same time as you. It’s okay to grieve that.

Those who stick around or come in next will get to know the new you. Maybe they’ll stick around forever, or just for this season. Once you accept that’s just how it is you no longer live in fear of it. We are going to be abandoned or feel that way at times, and we cannot react in desperation. It pushes what we want away from us. We have to stop abandoning ourselves.

Everyday I wander through every emotion in the book. I’m not proud of how I handled myself 100% today, but I can tell you I did the best I could for what I was dealing with. I even managed not to cancel my dr. appointment. It was a tough night last night, too. I have safe spaces outside of self, but today I just needed myself.

I needed to get in touch with my center, and no one else has access. It is starting to feel like I’m forgetting who I am, all while figuring out I’m no longer who I thought I was. It’s such a strange process. Sudden epiphanies are forming that I’ve been waiting so long for. It feels very surreal.