The Present Moment

My life is having massive shifts I never would have predicted. Everything I desired came faster than I thought it would. Everyday I was so intentional. I spent time in conversation with the Universe, raising my vibration, and foregoing hustling more for knowing the answer is in surrender and trust.

Give your energy wisely. When I first moved here I was overwhelmed with the cost of things. I have a good job, but felt I would need a second one in order to survive. But here I am with several readings booked. Time about to free up a bit in the coming weeks.

All because I know I do not want a 2nd job, and I know the Universe can provide in miraculous ways. I have trusted and surrendered everything so completely that the present moment is all I see now. There are short bursts of anxiety or questions, but one of my best friends taught me to listen to my spleen, and it has not failed me yet.

I am so excited for my future again. It’s been a long time since I could say that. I worked hard on setting the intention to find gratitude where I was at, even though I didn’t want to be there anymore. And I was able to find genuine gratitude in those moments. I had to integrate past growth.

When I left my marriage I had nothing. Part of his abuse was financial, and everything was his. I spent five years in between him and John. Building my credit, buying myself new things, filling our home with stuff. Only to come to a point where the Universe pushed me to give it all away.

To stop trying to hide the trauma behind pretty pictures on the wall, and mirrors we never believed. Every ounce of my healing has been hard won, and I will not feel bad that my confidence irritates someone’s soul. Heal. Because I know my intentions are never to hurt anyone by being who I am.

I left everything I built up those five years in that house with John. See, rebuilding is not on me; it’s in me. Which means I will rebuild even better because that’s what I do. It’s who I am intentionally. You can take everything I have, but you cannot take my hope, my faith, my surrender and trust. My ability to find peace and patience.

So even in my leaving there is growth. I look back at how much I used to crave outside validation and laugh. Because validation isn’t needed if you already know. Believe in your own greatness, so you will believe it when others see it in you. Everyone in my life sees it, recognizes it, and wants to help bring it to life. Set your life up like that.

Make time to play today. As we see Venus wanting to dive deep and transform our relationships, opposing Uranus, who is shaking up the comfort zones and showing us they were never comfortable. Let go of the familiar material world around you. Play in the ethereal a bit.

The imagination is the most powerful tool you have to build the life of your dreams. And the present moment is the most important because what you do in this moment creates an effect that arrives in the next moment. You don’t have to feel like making the higher choice, but man will you feel better afterward if you do.

Build integrity within you. It’s trial and error. It’s falling down and getting back up. It’s taking a lot of accountability. It’s worth all of that. Because if you become a person of integrity no one has anything to try and use against you. What will they say? You hold yourself to standards of honesty?

You are not bound to the past. Your growth and evolution is valid. Take accountability for the past, forgive yourself for doing only what you knew at the time, and be willing to open your heart and mind to new things. Let things play out differently than you expect.

I sit here today with the biggest smile on my face. Since making the choice I knew the Universe was pushing me to make things have not been perfect, but that’s just it, they never will be. What they are is peaceful. It’s like no matter what happens I just trust and surrender.

I had a moment yesterday where I was sobbing in the car because it’s not wanting to start. I thought I was going to have no choice but to have John come jump me, and I just didn’t want to see him. I never want to feel like I owe him anything after everything that went down.

But a good friend came and did it for me. I’m exchanging ideas and conversation with someone who excites me for the future. The energy between myself and the people around me is supercharged right now. I can’t wait to see what is next for us.

Even though this is true I’m not rushing as I would have in the past. At least not materially. I’m soaking it all in. I’m staying present and flowing with it. I am not worried where it’s headed, or where we will end up. Because the truth is I love me now. And even if someone claims to love me now and changes their mind in the future I will still have my love for me.

If this feeling is what I want to create more of in the future my energy is better off enjoying it while it’s here. Enjoying what is happening right now will vibrate out an undeniable energy, and attract more of this feeling to my life. I’m open to it coming from anyone at any time.

My daughter was hired as an art teacher for two different companies. Not only did she get accepted to a job she was manifesting, but she now has two options to choose from. Watch out world, here she comes.

I’m a whole vibe. I know I am because I sit in that vibration all day everyday. If I am pulled out of it I crave it so much it isn’t long before you find me back in it. I am responsible for my mood. I am not giving that power over to anyone else. Do what you do. I’m going to find peace.

I will calmly work through conflict without a problem. I have learned that avoiding it only builds a longer fuse to an even bigger bomb. However, I am not going to stand around and argue with anyone. You will not disrespect me in one breath, and then tell me you love me in the next.

Don’t let people who can’t create emotional safety claim they got you. Because I assure you they do not. They don’t even got control of their own emotions. How are they going to make it safe for you when they haven’t made it safe for themselves?

Face it today. Look at the shadow and recognize the wounded inner child that lives in us all. And then remember, you’re not everyone’s mother. Your love and worth are valid, even if they don’t seem enough to pull out the potential in people you’ve given your all to.

I know one thing. My Capricorn Venus in the 6th house will never again love and stay out of obligation or duty. I’m sure some people will say I left John because of the weight of his illness, but I did not. I left him because it was no longer emotionally, mentally, or physically safe for me to stay.

If anything, his illness made me stay longer because I felt the weight of expectation and duty with that trine Venus makes to my Saturn Moon conjunction in the Virgo 2nd house. But that trine tells us a secret…

My Venus needs a lover who can make the mundane exciting. Someone who will never stop pursuing me even after he gets me. Someone who won’t weaponize their incompetence in order to lay all the burdens at my feet, as if I have all the answers and don’t need any help.

I don’t want someone to simply thank me for all I shoulder on a daily basis. I want someone to carry some of that weight with me. Someone who will say they got me and mean it. Because goodness knows I bring a lot to the fucking table. But I am not afraid to eat alone.

I want an equal partnership, where the burden of daily life doesn’t always fall to me to figure out. Someone who knows how to do basic life skills without asking me for lists and how-to’s. Google is your friend and I am not your mother. The biggest turnoff ever is a grown man who is incompetent, even if most of them are playing the role to get something from you.

So I’ve decided to build my own legacy regardless. I manifested an entire life that I just left behind. Never be afraid to start over. If the energy never lies than I’m just gonna vibe with it. I enjoy this today, in this moment, and I like this feeling so much I want to bask in it now, so that I can keep attracting more of this feeling well into the future.

It doesn’t matter if this feeling comes from one person or another. Right now I know where it’s coming from, but I don’t have to complicate that. I don’t have to control that. I get to just enjoy it and trust that if this person is the one meant to love me it will never stop. And if they aren’t there may come a period of grief, but I’m going to be alright regardless.

Don’t make people promise you forever. Enjoy them while they’re around. They aren’t yours to own and control. Release and let go. Surrender. Trust your purpose and destiny. Don’t settle. Not for anything or anyone that doesn’t feel aligned with your higher self interest.

That isn’t selfish. It’s selfish that someone would ask you to. ❤