The Mother Wound and Money

I am of the belief that those who have children do so in order to be triggered. That we literally signed up for this shit. My kids will never arrive at an age where I no longer resonate with it being my responsibility to show them by example how to choose a good life in every season.

It’s Cancer Season and today we’re going to discuss the mother wound, and how it relates back to the money wound. The goal with this blog is to bring you insight and awareness, so that you can confront what is holding you back. Hint: It’s almost always you.

Something Liz mentioned to me a while back has never left. She stated that because I was anxiously attached I didn’t care about money. All that mattered to me in the world was that my relationships were right. That someone needed me and wanted me around.

This is my mother wound. I have many standout moments with my mother throughout my life, but the one that cut the deepest was when I was fourteen and in my first Saturn opposition. I’m in my 2nd one now. I told her it was me or my stepdad and she chose him.

All that mattered to her was her relationship was okay. That a man needed her and wanted her around. And she learned that from my Nanny, who would sit at the bar sipping plain water just to meet a man. I don’t know how far back it goes because I haven’t learned enough beyond her.

Some say it started with her, but it doesn’t make sense. For Nanny to be so deeply wounded something happened. Both my Nanny and my mom were anxiously attached to men, at the expense of their children. And then I became what I had learned to become.

But at some point I would have faced the biggest mountain, swallowed all of my pride, done anything to ensure my children know they are loved. That there is not one question or doubt in their mind. And I began to recognize the power of choice. People don’t understand power at all.

So many women don’t really care about money or career. It brings up issues around safety and survival. There are triggers around wanting to be validated and seen, but not knowing how. Issues with receiving what we want because we haven’t been taught self-worth and self-understanding.

A woman’s place in our patriarchal society has been less than men for centuries. Our unworthiness is implied from the day we are born. Scarcity is in the very description. It’s ironic because as children we view our mothers as powerful, but often she was powerless.

Her entire life she was devalued before you came along. Some mothers can’t get past the triggers you bring up for them. They will project, never take accountability, and deny reality, and your lived experiences. It’s so hard, but I try to never do that to my children. I don’t want pity love.

Sometimes we are afraid to achieve success and outshine our mothers. We feel this unending sense of loyalty to her emotions. Others of us don’t even let ourselves dream it, let alone take steps toward it. Sometimes our mothers can get jealous of the lives we are building. The cycles we break.

As a mother I once projected the responsibility for my feelings onto my children because that’s what I had been taught to do. My children never had the power to make me feel anything. I misunderstood power. And when you misunderstand it you will misuse it.

We have the power to trigger the pain our mothers feel. Pain that was already in her since before we were born. This can make us feel like we are the source of her pain, but we are not. Many of us learned to keep ourselves small out of loyalty, or had to confront our mothers head on.

Your smallness doesn’t serve her either.

It is in the reparenting of the self that wealth exists. It’s in doing the inner work to believe you’re worthy of wealth. Understand, avoidantly attached people are the opposite. They will forgo relationships for the money. The goal is to find a balance. A man is no financial plan. He could be abusive or get sick and leave Earth early. Mama should have taught us that.

Any wound you have related to the pain, trauma, and wounding carried by your mother is a mother wound. A mother’s children, especially her daughters, inherit those wounds. They were subconsciously projected.

Our mothers did not have the same path we have. Each generation is actually meant to be born more evolved. They weren’t given a chance to truly address the traumas and wounds from their own lives. If we don’t do that work prior to children, we pass that onto our children.

We cannot simply reject our mother. Don’t get me wrong, there are times you will have to go no contact, or gray rock her. However, you can’t reject her within your soul. She is the portal that gave you life. She didn’t hurt you because she didn’t love you. No one will ever love you more.

She hurts you because hurt people hurt people. She is a human being. Healing the mother wound is healing the divine feminine in us all. From wounds related to abandonment, unworthiness, being too much, separation, survival, integrity, authenticity, and vulnerability they all stem from the greatest nurturer of all; mother.

You do not need your mother to take accountability to heal the wounds she created in you. You need to know that it was never personal. You need to understand that the fear of abandonment she gave you was a projection of what she had to give at that time. She, too, fears abandonment.

You can’t make her realize what she did. You can choose whether or not you’ll use her as an excuse to keep repeating shameful patterns. You also don’t want to flip to the opposite extreme of your mother. If your mother was never around you can’t then smother your children, and deprive them of the healthy level of independence they need to thrive.

It can feel like the right thing to do, jump and save their every day, but that’s not realistic long-term. Someday you won’t be here to do that; then what? You’ve taught them codependence either way.

In order to build great wealth you have to heal wounds that repel it. The woman who was supposed to make you feel the safest and most secure in the world may have failed you, but you don’t have to fail yourself.

Stop playing martyr. You’re not here to be the supporting role in everyone else’s lead drama. Stop playing the perfectionist. You’re chasing illusions. Let go of the victim stories. The stories you tell yourself are most important. Stop avoiding the messy work of vulnerability.

Quit being fanatically frugal. Live with the mindset that there is always enough. Quit living off the thrill of adrenaline rushes that never last. It’s okay to experience pleasure and abundance. Let go of the myths that have taught you otherwise. You safety and security was never in your mother, nor is it any other human being. It’s within YOU.

You have to stop waiting for other people to make you feel safe and secure. It’s time to convince yourself you’re going to be okay no matter what. Once you decide that the rest is history. You’re not who or where you come from. You’re who you decide to be no matter where you are.

I told you the power is in your choice. Make the right choice in spite of how you feel, and how you feel will change.

I just thought of this trend I’ve been seeing on TikTok, and how apt it is for Cancer Season. I’m sure many of you have heard it. It’s a song called Bass Boat and it goes something like this:

“I was raised by a woman that was hardly impressed, and I carry that shit real deep in my chest.” I have news for you…

If you are the one carrying it, you can choose to put it down.

Namaste. ❤