The Mirror
Some days even I want to give up. The discomfort of facing truths about myself is never easy at first. I swear this is the feeling most of us have when we know we have to be accountable, but really don’t fucking want to. I wish I had two weeks alone in a retreat to breathe and think.
I’m handling all of the things we are going through so much better than the version of me would have ten years ago. There is a reason it took me twenty years to be brave enough to love this man. And my heart breaks when people joke like screaming and disrespect is the norm.
It doesn’t have to be.
You want to know where real peace lives? Beyond that shame you keep projecting and swallowing, rather than working through. It’s past the discomfort you’re being asked to sit with. I know from experience how brutally hard this work is because I’ve done it and I do it everyday.
It still stings just as fresh when someone says something about me that isn’t favorable, but I have to sit with that. If what they said is true then its good feedback for me to sit with and learn from. If what they said isn’t true they are projecting a past experiences onto our current situation.
Both of these possibilities are good. If it’s something that is true I just need to acknowledge it, make any necessary amends, and change my behavior. My actions must follow up in alignment with my words in order to be taken seriously, and be seen as a woman of integrity.
If they are projecting I can try having a vulnerable conversation by creating a safe space. If they refuse I can set a boundary. If they don’t respect the boundary I can cut them off in love and walk away. That’s how it has to be.
It’s a powerful year to step into your power. To know your worth logically, so that when your feelings aren’t in alignment you can reel them back in. I promise that begging someone else to love you will never be the way to lasting peace and happiness.
And as much as you say you want peace does it still feel like a threat? Because I know it took me a long time to be able to be still and truly alone with myself. I wanted to run everything by everyone else, but it’s my own spleen I’m meant to trust. That still takes very intentional work.
We have recently left Pisces season. Most of us are aware of where we were lacking either empathy or boundaries. In Aquarius season we have some emotionally intelligence conversations and alter the course. We connect on bigger causes. We’re not weighed down by obligation and duty to one.
Every person you’ve ever met was a mirror to you in some way, and you for them. There as something in their character you need to learn, and something in yours they needed to learn. If you just keep reacting to reflections with triggers you’re just going to see the same old reflections, even when they have new names and faces.
The past couple days I feel like I’ve been wading through a haze. Bits and pieces come through, but the rest is a blur of busy. I just want to run away, but then I’d feel guilty for running away and come back. Because the truth is most people who hurt you are simply running away.
At some point you have to let them go.
People, jobs, gigs, projects, whatever it is. Let. It. Go. Because you can’t afford to keep wasting time. There is a purpose calling you. And I’m sorry, but you cannot bring everyone and everything with you. This is your journey to travel, your book to write. You are the main character.
Stop settling for supporting roles that don’t add value to your life.
