Member-only story
Take all the L’s and Laugh
What can anyone say about me that I haven’t already said about myself? And yet, there is that small part of me that still cares what people think. It’s not enough to control who I am, what I do, or smother me in shame anymore, but it’s there. It’s the small, frightened child, who was taught she needed to keep the peace or else.
I love her because she lives in me, and if I fail her, no one else can ever reach her. It was never my job to keep anyone’s peace but my own, and when you just own all the stupid shit, the trauma, the cycles, the culture, the things that led you to do or not do, it changes everything.
That version of me didn’t have a fully developed brain, and I absorbed abusive men and manipulative women all around me. We become the energy we allow in our space. If I start to feel bitter or resentful, as is my not-self in human design, I don’t manipulate others.
I use it as a sign that I need to check in with myself. I am not upholding boundaries at some point. It’s clear to me that I am worthy of respect because that’s what I offer. And if someone is disrespecting me it’s a choice to allow them in my space, to control my actions or words.
What a waste of energy. It became easy to self-soothe when I realized it was my inner child who needed soothing. That’s why my potential is only limited if I choose to give up…
