Showing up for yourself

Where to begin is something I struggle with when talking about manifestation. I’m not on board with the toxic positivity that most law of attraction people espouse. I’m more someone who believes you first have to dive into the darkness to expose and transmute it before you can truly know what you want to manifest, let alone actually manifest it.

I liken your inner world to a garden. Before you can plant seeds and grow a harvest you must till the land and prepare it. Dig up old roots and weeds. Prepare your soil, if you will. No one else has access to your inner garden, so you’ll have to figure out how to do that alone. Once you’re ready you start planting seeds of manifestation and watering them.

I don’t think of specific things I want to manifest. With every New Moon I do write intentions and I also light candles with intentions. However, I do this in a broad way. Rather than manifest something specific I write down a general idea of what I’m manifesting. This leaves outcomes open and it can come to me dressed in a way I might otherwise not recognize.

“I am with the partner of my dreams. He loves me openly and honestly. We talk for hours about fascinating subjects. We laugh so much.” Whatever I want from a relationship that’s how I write it. I never put a name to it, even though there is someone in particular I believe I am supposed to be with. I never want to violate someone’s free will and prefer they come of their own volition.

I always write my intentions as if the manifestation is already happening. It’s not my partner is coming. It’s my partner is here and this is how we are together. It’s not when my business opens. It’s my business is up and running and it’s wildly successful already.

My business is so successful. It’s allowing me to help so many people, and the money is just flowing in. I’ve never been able to give and do as much as I can now. It feels amazing to be of service.” So, I don’t put specifics on what kind of business it is because I’m still learning exactly what I want to do. I know I want to own my own business helping other people, so that’s what I say.

If you’re going through something difficult like a break up I suggest allowing the feelings to come. Cry, write, get angry at the universe if you want to. Once you’re feeling better sit above the feelings. Detach from them slightly and release the attachment. If you truly love someone you want them to be happy, and if they believe being without you makes them happy let them go.

If it’s someone you’re sure is spiritually meant for you and they’re just afraid of the connection the separation is an illusion anyway. Simply close your eyes and beckon their energy to you. You will feel exactly like you do when they’re laying next to you just from being enveloped in their energy. Practice this.

I light black candles with the intention to repel negativity and toxicity from within me and around me. I light white ones to help me purify my thoughts and what I allow into my body, mind, and spirit. I light green ones to increase my wealth and health. I light yellow ones for mental clarity and the power of persuasion. I light pink for self-love, self-worth, and healthy boundaries.

I light orange for intimacy and creativity. I light red for romantic love. I light purple for increased intuition. I light blue for inner peace and calm. You can look up various colors and figure out what works for you.

Everyday the focus is how do I show up for myself today? When I want to feel happy I meditate on the feeling of happiness. I think of someone or something that makes me happy and I embody the vibration of happiness. If I want to feel abundant I close my eyes and imagine things that make me feel abundant. I purposely tap into the vibration I’m wanting to attract to me.

There are days I feel blocked, too. On the third of this month there was an ocean of emotion that I simply didn’t want to deal with, so I went to sleep for hours. When I woke up I was rested and able to sift through those emotions in a healthy way. So, don’t listen to people who tell you that you have to transcend the human experience to manifest something into it.

The truth is, if you ignore how you’re feeling those emotions aren’t going anywhere, and they are in the way of achieving your desires. They become the blockage only if they aren’t felt and dealt with properly. We aren’t here to transcend the shame of being human. We’re here to transmute it. In order to receive the light you must first embrace the darkness. It’s all one.

There are days that the best way you can show up for yourself is to practice self-care and put off the deeper work for tomorrow. Do not beat yourself up for that. This is about knowing yourself, getting comfortable with listening to your body, your needs, and not apologizing for that. The inner work of healing is some of the most difficult, draining work there is. It’s okay to take a break.

However, you do have to do the inner work if you want a better life, better relationships, better career, anything else really. You can’t keep making other people responsible for your triggers. You have to figure out what your triggers are, remind yourself whoever caused them didn’t do so as a personal slight to you, and choose to forgive. Sometimes over and over until it sticks.

In order to truly manifest anything into your life you must first find yourself worthy of it. If you’re not dealing with feelings of unworthiness or toxicity those feelings are preventing your rewards. I also don’t think people realize that you can’t just write what you want and put no effort into it.

For me, I firmly believe that everything is vibration and energy. I can feel it and I have predicted so much over the past year that I can never see it differently. I had two dreams come true in August. One of them was that a woman I had blocked posted something about me on her social media and a bunch of the words were in all capital letters.

My son checked later that day when I mentioned it. He made me prove I had her blocked because she did post about me, and random words were in all capital letters. Not that he thought I was lying, but it blew his mind. If I had unblocked her that day Facebook would have made me wait 48 hours to re-block her, and I showed him she was blocked. I was telling the truth.

These are specific messages I receive prior to events happening, either in dreams or during meditation. If there isn’t a vibration I’m tapped into, some frequency I’m on then how did I know that information? I believe if you’re tapped into that you can get information that helps you know where to apply your effort for best results. Rather than just assuming and running with it.

I love to meditate. If I’m feeling stressed or down in any way it instantly calms me. When I first started I used guided meditations, but I quite quickly realized that when I meditate there are lines of people wanting to speak to me. I would get quick downloads, and the voice of the person in the meditation was more distracting than helpful. Now I use frequencies instead.

You do not have to watch more videos on law of attraction. No one else is going to be able to tell you how to align with your higher self. Your higher self is within you. The guidance you need is simple. Get to know yourself through cultivating self-awareness, through understanding your triggers, and through meditation. Do shadow work exercises, taking breaks from it as needed.

Over time your guides, higher self, the universe, God, whatever you want to call it will let you know how you best align yourself. What to watch, listen to, feed your body. It’s different for different people. I know Veganism is huge for many in the manifestation and spiritual community, but for me I choose not to go Vegan. My body depletes itself when I do even with supplements.

Some people use marijuana or other drugs. I used to love my edibles. However, my guides led me to give up marijuana, which was the only drug I ever really did. I am not sitting over here in judgment of those who prefer to still use them. It’s not my business what you choose to do with your life or spiritual journey.

So, again, please stop listening to external sources. True manifestation is when you learn to want what is for your highest good and the highest good of all rather than you simply wanting to massage your ego. If you’re not tapped into your higher self you have no clue what is for your highest good. This is not a journey of instant gratification.

Currently, I’m being led to take the rest of this year, while Mars is retrograde in my 9th house in particular, to go over what I’ve already learned. To figure out what beliefs I’ve compiled are worthy of taking with me into the coming year. I’m taking courses on astrology and other things, too. Yes, I want to start a business, but first I want to be sure and grounded in the foundation.

The foundation is the most important part and it has to come from within me. That way regardless of what falls apart around me I am good. I’m taking the time and cultivating the patience I need to ensure that whatever I build will stand the test of time. The harvest will be greater and the longevity assured.

I spent a good portion of my life as a Virgo Moon chasing external validation. Feeling like I needed constant reassurance and fortification. Like maybe if I saved enough people I could somehow earn my own redemption. Let me tell you that isn’t possible. We each must choose to save ourselves.

If you would have told me ten years ago I’d love myself the way I do today, that I would have more confidence and self-worth at 41 than I did at 16, that I would be capable of setting healthy boundaries I never would have believed you. My motivation in learning is my children. Amazing what a mother’s love for her children can persuade her to learn, be, and do.

Today, I can self-soothe. I can be alone for a long period of time and not feel lonely. In fact, if you want to interrupt my alone time you better bring something to the table that makes me feel it’s worth it. Even if I feel it’s worth it there are boundaries and if you don’t want to step up you can step out.

I encourage anyone who is finding themselves watching hours of videos on the law of attraction or hours of tarot readings on YouTube to stop. Take some of the time and meditate, get to know yourself. Develop your own intuition. We are all bits of the same universe experiencing itself in different forms. You have as much a right to access the vortex as anyone else does.

Ask for signs and downloads. Write them all down. Let every intuitive hit that comes true be all the validation you need. If I hadn’t been doing that the day that dream came true would have made me question everything again. It definitely sparked a trigger, but I have tools in place because I know them now. You can get there, too.

Here is where I wrote more about that dream:


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