Self-Awareness & Self-Sabotage

Today I want to talk about self-awareness and do a reading that could perhaps help us become aware of something we need to release or embrace going forward. We often become attached to people, jobs, situations, and outcomes. This can hinder us being able to fully enjoy a present moment, connection, experience, or person. Self-awareness can help us greatly.

Do you tend to self-sabotage? I know I have in the past and I’ve dealt with many others who have, too. The problem with the term “self” sabotage is it is never just ourselves affected. We affect anyone around us who wanted the same thing we did because we refuse to believe they wanted it.

Especially if what they said they wanted was us, our wisdom, our experience, our love, time, or anything else we find unworthy in ourselves.

This is also true in relationships. For example, if you know you’re in a toxic relationship, but you’re worried about leaving because of hurting the other person you’re sabotaging both. You’re preventing yourself from healing and happiness, and them, too. It’s obvious you two aren’t making each other happy, so you cycle through toxicity and trauma never achieving success.

If there are children involved you’re sabotaging them, too. When people stay together “for the children” they aren’t doing the children any favors whatsoever quite honestly. It’s doing far more harm than good. It is teaching the children to settle for less than they want or deserve.

They will learn what they live and I know because I stayed in an abusive, traumatic situation for years. I am beyond grateful I left and that today I have healthy, loving connections with my children, but I’d be lying if I told you that what they went through and watched me go through didn’t sabotage them in some way. Everything they experience shapes them for better or worse.

Today I am showing them something different. I have taught them how to overcome shame, how to take control of your future regardless of your past, and how to love and accept yourself. It is never too late.

If I can help even one person understand this it is worth putting out there. Your children are watching you. They are not paying attention to your words, especially if they don’t match your actions. If you want your child to have self-worth you must model self-worth. If you want your child to know how to set healthy boundaries you have to set them first. And so it goes.

I know that can feel overwhelming. I remember when I first learned this just sobbing. How do I love myself? How do I model self-worth when I don’t feel worthy? I felt doomed to be honest. But I kept searching information and applying techniques to my life and slowly, but surely I built confidence, self-love, self-worth, and left my situation. You can, too.

Self-awareness is the best tool we have. Once you become aware of your own triggers then when someone else presses that button you are notified ahead of time. You have that split second to make a decision. Will you allow this person to control you like a puppet master, or will you understand that it’s not personal, but most likely projection, and respond appropriately instead?

This goes for pretty much anything. If you’re used to thinking negatively about yourself or your direction in life you can choose to be aware of this, too. Then, when the negative thoughts and feelings come up you can use this awareness above them to understand them, process them, and transmute them into a more positive, uplifting experience.

I’m going to go ahead and do a collective meditation and reading regarding self-awareness and let whatever comes up come up. I trust it will help who it is meant to help. I hope you all go forward having taken something from it.

Collective Vision:

They are showing me a slinky. This is how most of us live emotionally. We bounce back and forth between emotions consistently. We become stretched out and worn thin over time. We allow other people to pull at us until we have nothing more to give and lose our vibrancy.

It’s time to take control of your life. Your power isn’t something someone else can take from you. It’s also not something that comes from you, but through you, so you should be treating it like the precious gift that it is. Stand in it fully without apology. Do not consent to feeling inferior or less than anyone.

Today, this moment, right now you can choose to be different, to act different, to show up in your own life. Do not worry about the judgment of the people in the stands and what they will say about your change. The people inspired by your change are the ones who will matter. Let the others fall away.

Build a soul comes to mind here. That’s what this is about. About discovering who you really are and slowly, but surely building yourself into that authentic vision at your core and not caring what others think of it. If you keep wearing the mask it will never be you they love anyway, so you’ll still feel unloved. You’ll still be begging for something that you refuse to let in.

Side Note:

There is a large portion of the spiritual community who is into manifestation and I think that’s great. I do believe when we set intentions and align with them we can manifest whatever life we desire. I worry greatly about the twin flame community because it is often said to women that there is something they lack, they haven’t seen, they have to do in order to get their man.

Where we part ways is when they start telling me I have to constantly be positive and vibrate high, avoiding and refusing my negative feelings or I will sabotage myself and any chance at happiness, be it with a relationship or otherwise. This is incredibly damaging advice.

This is ass backwards. When you avoid and ignore how you feel that is what blocks your manifestations. Why? Because you haven’t transmuted the feeling or thought and thus it is stuck inside of you as is. It’s incredibly important to understand that your feelings are not hindering anything by recognizing them. In fact, it’s the complete opposite.

Recently I went through something that made me extremely angry with the universe. I felt like it was playing a joke on me. Dangling something I’ve always wanted in front of my face and then removing it. It felt utterly cruel. I let the universe know I felt that way. I sat in my bed and cried and poured my heart out to the universe. Once I released all of that I felt better.

I was then able to meditate and reflect on why it was taken away. To understand that as much as I’ve learned there is still so much more for me to learn, and that tests are not only beneficial for the universe to see how far I’ve come, but for me to see how far I’ve come. So, I transmuted that pain, the sadness, the anger into understanding and growth.

We are not here to ignore or transcend any part of the human experience, especially the shadow. We are here to integrate our experience into the whole. We cannot transmute and integrate what we refuse to acknowledge. It simply becomes a blockage to everything from manifestation of love to abundance.

And, for the record you should not be seeking to transmute your emotions and thoughts simply for the sake of a relationship with another person. Yes, the goal in the end is to have a healthier relationship with self, and thus healthier external relationships, but that goal should be set for you. Not with a certain person or people in mind.


There are some of you who are angry right now and it’s coming through here. There is a need for you to transmute that in a healthy and constructive way, or you will end up sorry. It’s time for us all to get back to the basics. To take the unsettled feeling of the times we are in and make a plan.

Spend some time with a trusted and close friend today if you can. There is a period of prosperity and abundance up ahead, but we have to pave the road before we can travel down it. We have to process the past and transmute the energy that still lives within us. It’s time to heal.

Self-care is the most important activity right now for us all. Put everything on hold that you can reasonably put on hold. It’s time to nurture and care for your soul for a bit. If you do join with other souls make sure they are connected to a divine spark of creativity. Creative self-expression would be highly beneficial for anyone reading this.

Now is not the time to dry up and lie down for dead. It’s a time for you to become resilient and lead by example. At the very least, stand up and be the leader of your own life. Are you even in the driver’s seat? You’ve been training for this for lifetimes. It’s time to stop outrunning your triggers.

Instead, invite them into the seat beside you. Study them, figure out where they come from, set boundaries on those who constantly push your buttons and seem to have no respect for you. There is no more time for half-ass people in your life. You can love them from a distance.

Set out on a mission to discover your soul. I know it is going to be painful to move on to smoother waters, and to leave people and situations behind, but that is what is being called for. It’s time to really get in touch with what you feel right now and what you want to feel going forward. Study up on emotional intelligence and start practicing. It builds with time.

You are far more resourceful than you give yourself credit for. Stop seeking the answers outside of yourself. This New Moon coming up in Leo is a great day to plan a ritual to open your heart and expand your mind. To focus on self-love and what brings you passion and joy. Going forward many of us will be making our living based on those passions.

If you keep worrying about everyone else and what they want you have no time to discover what you want. I don’t promote cutting everyone out of your life and being selfish. That isn’t what this is about. It’s about cutting out the selfish people in your life, putting your highest good first, and trusting this is what will fill you up and ensure you have something to offer others.

Many of you have been receiving intuitive downloads, dreams, and visions about letting the inevitable endings happen. Before you can be given the green light to move forward and achieve victory there are things you must release. You can’t carry the past into your future. Just the lessons that you can transmute and integrate are allowed.

For a lot of you this could cause great anxiety and sleepless nights. You’re worried about how fast everything will move, how to communicate with certain people that it’s over. Speaking your truth terrifies you, but it’s well past time to do exactly that and you know this. You have known it.

You have the power to transform your own life. To transmute the sadness you feel, the anxiety, the fear and use them as tools to manifest an entirely different future than you ever imagined. There is no better time. Stop focusing on what you can’t change individually and collectively. Focus on what you do have the power to change.

What so many of us want is to belong, to feel understood and loved, and to celebrate life. What is being called for right now is learning how to belong to ourselves deeply, how to understand ourselves, and how to love ourselves. Until we do this we cannot properly belong to anyone else or any other group.

If you have not cultivated self-love, self-worth, inner-peace, a sense of belonging within you will continue to attract and put up with people who also haven’t cultivated those things. You will spin through cycles of toxicity begging each other for what neither has to give.

There is great abundance and love available to us all, but first we have to believe we’re worthy of it. We have to understand what we do want and what we do not want. Most of that information lies under layers of what we’ve been told we should want, we should put up with, or we should pursue. It’s time to peel back all of those layers and focus on a foundation within that will be strong enough to maintain what you build going forward.

Find what lights you on fire. Make it intentional and brilliant moments of clarity will come in for you. The deeper you dig the more honest and authentic you will become. Then when someone else does love you it will resonate and you feel it with certainty.

You do not have to take a sword with you ready for battle everywhere you go. Just understand that most people do and don’t take it personal when they unleash their sword on you. Simply stand in your own power and truth, set a boundary and move on. It’s time to stop remembering the past as better than it was quite honestly. The future awaits and promises greater fulfillment.

Divine intervention is here and it’s time to end the old and learn something new. You are only responsible for saving yourself. Lay down the burden of saving the world. You can’t save other people and it’s certainly not how you “earn” your own redemption. You simply choose your redemption over and over again until you feel it there always.

Trust in divine timing and let go of the need to control everything. Don’t let your choices and options overwhelm you. This is how we get in our own way and become our own worst enemies. Be aware of your own toxic behaviors and traits, and you can start changing those, too. I know it feels heavy, but I promise all this heavy lifting makes for smooth sailing later.

Stop holding back. Stop deceiving yourself. It’s time for a new beginning. One where you are free from the past toxicity you or others have endured or caused. A time of dealing with your shame, forgiving yourself, forgiving others, and embracing your dual nature. We all have one.

Become unbothered in the sense that even when something bothers you there is the ability to face it head on, knowing you’ve overcome before and will again. Ground yourself in the knowing of who you are. Meditate and create your own inner peace regardless what is going on around you.

Self-awareness is a superpower and it can help you change your entire life, but it’s not a fix all. You will still make mistakes. You will just wallow in shame over them less, choosing instead to grow and learn from them. When you fall out of alignment you will get back into alignment quicker.

You want an effortless partnership? The magic is within you. It starts with putting effort into the relationship you have with yourself. Do not change who you are to appease another person. You transform over time into who you truly are and attract the right person.

Most of our struggle is within and often what we need is to stop begging other people to love us correctly and love ourselves enough to move on from those people. Create your own sunshine.

Learn to balance yourself within and let the external world take shape as it will. You must be the solid foundation. You must learn how to build a strong inner sense of self to stand on it always.


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Adjust Your Sails

You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors. ― Andrew Boyd