Scorpio Season Blues

Scorpio is dual ruled. Mars is the traditional ruler of the sign.

I tell people to sit in uncomfortable emotions all the time. When I tell you that I have built a tolerance for it I do not lie, but neither do I lie when I tell you I am so human. And right now, in this moment, it’s 329 am and I am feeling so vulnerable and full of uncomfortable emotions. It’s hard to sleep.

This morning I opened up to someone because I felt it was safe to do so. I guess I hadn’t thought of how it would come across over text, nor the fact that this person doesn’t realize yet how honest I am. I live my life like an open book. If something has made me uncomfortable I bring it up because it’s better than the sweeping of shit under rugs.

For days now I have been flooded with secrets, things being exposed, so much Scorpio energy. We just had Venus and Mercury both conjunct the South Node. Venus is squaring Saturn and MY natal Mars. That means Saturn is also sitting on top of my Mars. It’s feeling a bit heavy, friends.

If you can spare a few deep breaths in my honor, maybe light a candle, just spare me a thought or two to the Universe I would be so grateful. This year has been so many things I could never name. I’ve been forced to live in my duality and learn to flow through my emotions.

The same month something tragic happens something beautiful happens. And as I reach new levels and do new things I have to fight back imposter syndrome. Just because I have built a tolerance to uncomfortable things. Just because I bring those things up so they don’t fester. It doesn’t mean that it’s easy for me. My stomach always feels full of bricks.

Scorpio is my 4th house and the upcoming eclipse is in my tenth house. It’s a very public house. I am being forced to deal with deep family and relationship stuff, all while trying to build my following and chase my path. Mars is Rx in my 11th house, slowing everything down.

I think today I will sleep in. I will take a down day. I will nurture myself in healthy ways. I will find solace in John’s arms like always. Where I found it last night when it became too much to self-soothe. Imposter syndrome is crazy to me. I am who I say I am. I practice what I preach. There is evidence of it, but I also have nothing to prove.