Relationship Guide: Values and Vision Matter

Love and attraction will never be enough to save any relationship. It’s not enough for a long-term, committed partnership to evolve from it. You’ve been taught your whole life that love is all you need, but unhealed trauma has you approach relationships from fear, love’s opposition.

If you are with someone and your core values are not aligned that relationship will never evolve into what you’re hoping it will. The vision and lifestyles have to align. And when they don’t it means you have two people attracted to each other on the surface, but there is no depth.

I was listening to a conversation the other day. He said that a relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in both of them, but they aren’t getting you anywhere. When you learn that your values don’t align it causes pain, resentment, mistrust, and eventually splitting up.

It causes one or both parties to have to constantly set aside their own values to please the other person. They are afraid if they don’t abandon themselves and their values the other person will abandon them. And the other person is holding on so tight to what they value it leaves no room for growth and evolution to happen.

Your personal values, beliefs, and opinions are usually inherited. And unless you take a journey of self-awareness they remain fixed, even as we know they should evolve. So many people don’t even know what they value because they’ve been fed what everyone else values from them all their life.

Chemistry is the physical attraction, which is important. It’s where we all start. We like what we see. We sense a vibe. Our physical sensations are all on board. So we become intimate on a physical level, and we say that was nice, let’s do that again, and again.

But eventually something happens and we start to learn each other mentally and emotionally. Here we are having the best time. The sexual attraction is high. The shared, surface level interests are there. The fun, joy, and passion of what is called, “The honeymoon phase”.

At some point you have to get intimate emotionally and mentally. You have to create a vision for yourself and the relationship. And if you do not share common core values that vision cannot come to fruition.

We all know this deep down, but we are so hungry for love and connection that we settle for crumbs that rarely fall at our feet. We keep putting off uncomfortable conversations. We settle for the physical attraction that will fade with time. It will fade because you won’t be emotionally safe or mentally compatible in the end.

Maybe it doesn’t make either person wrong or bad. Maybe there is no one to blame or we can blame both sides. But all that’s left is pain and frustration when you try to force misaligned values into a common vision. You have pain, you have let down. You have unmet expectations that you never communicated from the start.

And no amount of physical chemistry can outlast a moral or ethical mismatch. It cannot make up for the lack of real intimacy beyond the surface and skin. In fact, that lack will only increase and grow until you’re no longer even attracted to the other person physically.

I’ve been thinking about connection a lot since the election. As I’ve watched people gaslight me into thinking I’m awful if I don’t want people who voted for Trump in my life. Why would I want that? Women are dying all over the country thanks to Trump. I am a woman.

If your values lead you to vote for Trump we are definitely not aligned. Because my values could never align with hatred and division. Our starting place is very different. See, I’m coming from love, and you’re coming from love’s opposition, fear.

There are times when a relationship can survive this. I’m currently talking with someone who at one point was going to vote for Trump. Instead of hounding him with my values, beliefs, and opinions, I simply had a conversation and met him where he was at.

He admitted he hadn’t researched like I had. That he was in an echo chamber where Trump was all he heard. We had an uncomfortable conversation, which led us to realize our values actually are aligned. He does not agree with taking away anyone’s rights.

In the end, he didn’t vote for Kamala, but he voted against Trump. And he voted for the amendment in his state that would protect women. Unfortunately it didn’t pass, but he did his part to protect me, his daughters, and our sisters all over the country.

Talking about values can be so uncomfortable, but it can also lead to a beautiful deepening of connection. I knew his character wasn’t anything like Trump’s, and I trusted that the conversation would go well. If it didn’t I was prepared to stop talking to him in the way we had been talking.

Because I know from experience there is zero chance of a relationship working if the values aren’t aligned. And if I had poured myself into him, educated him, spent time working to understand him, and he still voted for Trump that would have been a clear sign for me.

I’m not of the mind that even when you align at the core things will be perfect. Because both he and I value the life of women and minorities. Both of us value love, nurturing, and kindness. I’ve never met a man so in touch with his own emotions and divine feminine side.

The fact that he said he was voting for Trump was so misaligned with his character from the start. If I had cut him off from the start due to that alone I wouldn’t be where I am today. I understand that beneath the surface lies explanation, and I decided to dig a bit.

He may have been misinformed on how to love and protect women and minorities, but he values protecting and nurturing everyone. So don’t immediately cut someone off if you have the conversation and they say something that doesn’t align with you at first.

If you express yourself and are clear about what you value, and they don’t respect that, or can’t align, it’s okay. It’s not other people you have to trust, but yourself. You’re going to be okay no matter what the other person does. And you deserve a connection that respects you and cherishes you.

I just watched a video where this man told his wife to get all dressed up. He was going to take her out. She got so excited and looked beautiful. He blindfolded her, making it seem so romantic, and took her to the backyard. That’s when he dumped water over her head and laughed.

Ladies, no. If a man ever makes jokes at your expense leave him. He does not respect you. Not only does he disrespect you, but I highly doubt he would ever put someone else in their place for doing the same thing. You will never feel safe enough to truly let him in anyway. So let him go.

As Venus is preparing to enter Capricorn and square the Nodes this energy is alive and well. Venus in Capricorn is demanding a deeper commitment. She is wanting us to let go of the idea that a surface level connection with people pleasing is the way to go.

And instead, to embrace our own values, dreams, and beliefs. To remain open-minded and committed to what makes us feel alive. Some of us give way too much energy and focus to other people. And often those people are not even aligned with where we are going.

If they aren’t making your life better they are making it worse. We are so fucking conditioned as women to prioritize commitment from a man. How about we just remain committed to our values, our goals, and our lifestyle? And trust that if a man is meant to be a part of that he will be.

Stop chasing what makes you miserable. Stop investing into people who only offer you diminished returns. You allow yourself to be baited with the possibility of commitment, or a love of his potential, only to realize you have no power to get either from him in the end.

Stop meeting their needs today for the promise that someday they will meet yours. Understand the divine feminine is rising in solidarity with her sisters all over the globe. They just took away the right of women in Afghanistan to speak. They must remain silent.

Weak, unstable, fearful men are the only men afraid of women. Nick Fuentes shouting “Your body, my choice”, as if he knows what to do with a female body. As if he’s ever gotten a woman off in his pathetic life.

If that is what you voted for. If that is what you value. We have no reason to stay connected. I care that people are dying. I care that hate crimes are going to rise again. I care about people losing their rights. And if you don’t I’m sorry you’re insecure. You should heal that.

I am not anti-social. I am now vibrationally selective. Does it matter to me if what I value is right or wrong? Yes, it does. So I spend a lot of time educating myself and researching, aware of my bias. I vet myself all the time, and have been known to evolve and change my values and beliefs.

But if I am currently holding something in high value, and you can’t respect me or match that level, I have to let you go. It’s not personal. We’re just not aligned, and that’s okay to learn. We can’t learn what is aligned until we weed out what doesn’t any longer.

Men need to take this moment seriously. Because the sacred masculine has a chance to rise up and meet the feminine in all her glory. Women are being systematically murdered, and without women you can’t create life. They are running humanity into its own demise and for what?

A false sense of power and control. Thank you, Pluto in Capricorn, for showing us that truth. And as Pluto enters Aquarius again on November 19th it remains there for two decades. Exposing society and the ways in which we have weaved ourselves together.

It’s going to expose more and more authoritarian agendas. The same people who voted for Trump will lose their rights, too. Trump hasn’t been quiet on what he plans to do. He even threatened to suspend our constitution. The Supreme Court gave him immunity no matter what.

The shadow of Aquarius is cruel. I know because I am one. Social norms and ideologies have to be radically transformed. That can’t happen with peace. The South Node in Libra has shown us peace was never an option.

Mars is in Leo now and going to station Rx December 6th. He will move back into his fall in Cancer, and spend a lot of time there. We are driven to nurture, protect, and care for what is ours, but have to change the strategy and way we’ve been doing that.

It has to come from authentic love and not fear of being stung. And our goal should never be to sting others. But there is a way to respect yourself and them in the walking away. I know because I’ve done it.

It didn’t matter how unsafe I felt in the end of my last relationship. The first two years he made it the safest I’ve ever had. The confusion and chaos inside of me was so real. But I didn’t react to that.

The way he turned out to be is the way he was with all the women before me. And so it says very little about me and my worth. I know what I deserve, and I hope he can heal, and recognize what he deserves, so that he doesn’t sabotage his next connection. But I’m not responsible for him.

If I share my needs and they are not met it is not then my job to keep redefining my needs until they are something that make sense to you. Because I’m pretty good at meeting other people’s needs. I go out of my way to discover what they need. And bring that energy or be gone.

I’m hoping to write a blog about what the astrology is saying and the possibilities for America going forward. So please stay tuned for that in the coming days. I’m going to dive super deep.

There is a chance that Trump won’t be sitting president again. A chance that something comes out that shocks and surprises us. Right now I’m doing what Brene Brown said and microdosing hope.