Today I’d like to discuss power dynamics and how they play out in our lives. I am highly aware that collectively we have powers that be who are running the show, and that right now many groups are demanding change. However, for the purposes of this piece I’d like to stick with the individual and their immediate, external relationships.
The first place I start when I consider power dynamics is myself. There is this internal struggle between my head and heart that plays out. I believe this is true for almost everyone. There are times you feel powerful and times you feel powerless. How do you navigate that space? How do you integrate that duality that exists and achieve some kind of balance?
The truth is until you do that no external relationship you enter will be healthy and balanced. Instead, they will challenge you to the core. They will bring up resentment you will project onto the other person. You cannot force the other person to change. The reason they don’t change has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them and what they’ve been through.
Start with understanding that nothing anyone else says or does to you is personal. That often it is a mirror or reflection to how they speak to themselves, or how they feel about themselves. This allows you to not tie your self-worth up in what other people say or do. Start owning the fact that your worth is inherent, and not dependent on anyone’s validation but yours.
When you refuse to do this you’re demanding other people be loyal and committed to something you don’t believe you even have. If you don’t believe you’re worthy it will never matter how committed and loyal another person is. You will constantly be looking for ways they are abandoning you. The truth is you have abandoned yourself in these situations.
The next time someone says something to you that stings I want you to pause and reflect. Is what they said true? If so that’s a good thing. Even if what they said isn’t something you enjoy admitting it’s in your hands, and you can work on changing it. You can offer a sincere apology, work through any shame that comes up, and evolve in that area of life.
However, if it’s not true, this lets you know they are projecting a judgment onto you that they have about themselves. In this situation you do not need to…