Own it all…
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I’ve written so many things for so many years. Some of it contradicts itself, but you will notice a line of succession. I would write something I believed until I learned something that changed or shifted that belief. Then I would write about my evolved beliefs. I’m constantly learning and growing.
Just because I used to do something doesn’t mean I cannot advocate against it now. If I have to own every ugly, dark thing I’ve ever said or done, then I can equally own every ounce of my beautiful growth and evolution. We are all both and your judgment of me speaks to your shame; not my worth.
I know this because when I catch myself judging others it’s usually for something I used to do, or sometimes still do. It’s a way we try to feel better about ourselves. Gossiping and judging is a reflection of your own self-respect and maturity level, and nothing more or less.
I still write regardless of what others think because I write for me. I write for those like me, who may be online searching the topics I write about. Maybe I’ll help them feel less alone and crazy. Maybe the tools I’ve used to get where I am can help even one other person.
Integrity is me saying, yes, I have changed my beliefs a lot. Yes, each time I would jump head first into it all excited, only to realize I did so based on fear and insecurity. If you’re perfect by all means judge away. But I’ve long ago learned perfection is not a thing. It’s all about my progress.
I still have the tendency to get excited and passionate. Someone once gently grabbed my face and told me to never lose it. I haven’t lost it. I love learning new things that help me grow. Insights into myself have been what has helped me understand others and stop taking them personal. I’m just learning that I need to flesh things out better and give them structure and form.
One of my favorite quotes by Anais Nin is “I don’t the tell truth anymore to those who can’t make use of it. I tell it mostly to myself because it always changes me.” And that’s where I am. When I share now it’s for me. It’s so I feel like I am not just sitting on this amazing knowledge that should be shared.
I keep feeling pressed to write about integrity because if you do not view yourself as a person of integrity life is more difficult. Understand that it…
