Open Letter to anyone who wants to read it. May you find something in it that can enlighten you, inspire you, or inform you. There is so much anxiety within me the past few days that I haven’t been productive at all. Part of that is the Moon and Venus in Cancer transiting my 12th house. I am incredibly intuitive normally, and this only increases that for me. I’m overwhelmed.

It probably doesn’t help that the man I love has his Moon and Venus in Cancer, and they also overlay that same house. I was already able to pick up on his anxiety, his frustration, his sadness, his joy, whatever he feels I can feel it, even if we haven’t spoken in forever.

Mercury is currently transiting my first house, too, which means I’m not only feeling his anxiety, but my own has increased in ways I haven’t felt in so long. It feels like we are more intuitively and telepathically connected now than we have ever been in the past.

I’ve decided that I want to write this and just put it out there. I don’t know if it will help me sort anything out, but it might help you. It’s probably going to be a bit long, but it’s going to explain what I believe is my journey to meeting my twin flame and some of the events and things that have taken place.

I was in an extremely karmic, toxic marriage for fifteen years. Everything I’ve learned about myself I was pushed to learn because my children were watching. I wanted desperately to fix our family. To keep it together and just have it be happy and wholesome. It was never going to happen.

I have a Leo Ascendant with Jupiter and Lilith in Leo in the first house. So, a lot of this people I know personally will already know about. Much of my shame has been public. Jupiter pushed me to keep expanding anyway. To keep learning who I was and how to project myself to the world. The purpose of a Leo Rising is to present the most authentic version of themselves to the world, to learn to love unconditionally and teach others how to do the same.

More about Leo Rising’s Soul Purpose here:

With a Virgo Moon all I ever wanted was a reassuring partner who could fortify me. I needed other people to make me feel safe and secure. I tried taking Christianity seriously for a while thinking surely it would save us. I ended up no longer able to believe, sitting on the bathroom floor every night in tears, worried I was sending my children to hell; wanting to die.

This led me to become an atheist, which ended up saving my life. Prior to me being introduced to atheism and rational thought I heavily identified with my thoughts as important and rarely wanted to change them. Through rational thought and learning about bias I was able to learn that I am not my thoughts, beliefs, and opinions. I am the awareness above them. I have the Sun conjunct Mercury, which was partly responsible for why this took so long.

I began studying psychology and parenting. It took time because you cannot change years of programming overnight. You cannot transmute all of your pain into purpose at once. I slowly and surely continued applying the techniques I learned to my life. I gained self-love, self-awareness, the ability to self-soothe, and was able to reassure and fortify myself. What a gift!

In 2016, I had enough. I filled out paperwork with no job, having never learned how to drive, to move myself and the children to subsidized housing. On October 29, 2016 we spent our first night here. I got a decent job, paid off all my credit, got my student loans in good standing, and things were going quite well over all. In 2017 I started learning about astrology and tarot.

When I read my birth chart and it said I had an aspect that meant I would follow my North Node no matter what I was sold. It intrigued me because my North Node is Virgo in the second house. It’s all about me learning that my worth and value doesn’t come from other people or what I possess in the external world. It’s becoming self-sufficient and independent. I had followed that exact path without ever knowing that was my path.

My ex-husband and I continued to see one another, tried to make it work, but in November of 2018 I found out something that made that impossible. I ended things with him completely and banned him from seeing the children. I filed for divorce. It was scheduled for October 1, 2019.

Around this same time I started a new job after two years with the other one. I was so excited. I loved all the people I worked with and felt professional and confident. After this trigger over my ex husband I lost that job. Uranus is currently transiting my tenth house, and no job I’ve gotten since has been kept. The last one was shut down due to Covid after three days.

See, I went through what I can only describe as a dark night of the soul after this incident regarding my ex. For several months I allowed guilt, shame, and darkness to consume me. Eventually I sat up, I didn’t come that far to only come that far, and I started processing the emotions and the pain. I began to transmute it all and found my way back to my spirituality.

I was watching a tarot reading one day and she was telling my entire story. She said there would be a three year cycle that was important. That once this legal issue was taken care of that was part of this cycle a long-standing karmic tie was over for me. It would usher in something new and positive in love. Well, I still had a pin above my desk saying “I’d rather be alone” and I meant it. I didn’t want new love. I just wanted to be left alone.

I was meditating, journaling, doing my own tarot readings, and trying to figure out what I am going to do with my life. Saturn and Pluto were wreaking havoc on my sixth house, too. Lots of health stuff to deal with. I lost a bunch of weight, got off a bunch of medications, and I go from doing well to doing not so well with it still. I’m restarting again now.

Well, in mid-September I started having telepathic experiences. I mean these were experiences with someone else’s energy that felt incredibly real. I thought I was going crazy. I wrote them all down anyway. I started getting instructions in meditation and one was to get rid of the pin above my desk. I didn’t want to get rid of that pin. I didn’t want to love anyone new. I did it any way because when the universe tells you something you should listen.

I was given information in meditation. The person coming toward me would have prominent Virgo in their chart. We would talk for hours on the phone everyday at first about interesting and deep topics. We would fall fast and hard and it would be a soulmate connection unlike any other either of us has had. I wrote down that we’d start a healing and spiritual business together.

When October first came I was excited. While it wasn’t exactly three years the divorce would be final, and I truly believed this karmic cycle was ending for me. When I arrived at court they let me know they had to postpone it. I was devastated and came home and cried in bed for hours. Later that day I looked at the sheet they gave me. The new date was October 29, 2019. Three years to the day that I left him and stayed my first night in this apartment.

The experiences with the energy continued. I was given specific visions of past lives I have lived with this person. An ex of mine came into the picture around this time and had been truly cleaning up his life. I figured maybe it was him. He was a Capricorn Sun, but he could have had Virgo prominent elsewhere. So, I maintained a rapport with him, but rather quickly realized it wasn’t him.

Then, on December 26th my mom’s best friend since childhood picked me up because my mom was having surgery that day. The day after Christmas. Her son and I had always gotten along extremely well, but nothing more than casual lovers in the past. She told me that day he and his wife had split up and he was going through a lot. It didn’t dawn on me at all that it was him I had been experiencing. He is the last person I would have considered.

The Capricorn ex I told you about had a birthday two days later on December 28th. It was that day her son messaged me, as if the universe was letting me know it was never the Capricorn and I had made the right call. Only the moment he messaged me I knew. I just knew deep inside everything I wrote about was about to happen and I needed to prepare for it. I didn’t message him back right away. I had to coax myself into responding.

He had not known that I seen his mother two days prior. That was more confirmation for me I believe. In any case, we texted non-stop about what we’d been up to over the years, what we were both going through now, and all sorts of stuff. Eventually he called me. I hate talking on the phone, but there we were talking on the phone 10–12 hours a day and I loved it.

I even learned that the month he and his wife split up was mid-September. The same time the telepathic experiences began for me. I don’t know how his higher self knew it was me he was supposed to come to. I don’t know much about how any of this works. So I am just explaining my experiences.

We spoke about spirituality, the fifth dimension, parenting, psychology, shame, all sorts of deep and amazing topics that my Pluto in the third loves. He kept telling me how amazed he was. That no matter how much he thought he knew about a topic I knew more, and how grateful he was that I was expanding his mind. He was set to come over on New Year’s Eve, but that did not happen for external forces intervened.

It was that day he cried to me the first time. We were falling fast just like I had written. Both of us felt so connected and so in sync. He was telling me before he ever saw me that he felt we shared a soul and were made from the same stardust. I hadn’t yet told him about my telepathic experiences or predictions. He was devastated he couldn’t come over and see me.

On January first I invited him over and as soon as he walked in my door we embraced. His heart began beating so fast I thought it was going to escape his chest. That’s common for him in my presence. What followed was the most amazing bubble love phase I’ve ever experienced. When we lay next to one another it’s as if we are flying through galaxies.

He told me I am his home. That no matter where I am all I have to do is tell him “come home” and he will find me. He said that laying next to me, talking, love songs in the background, made him feel higher than any drug ever could. You could not fake the connection we have. The genuine look in his eyes, the tears, the rawness, and just all of it. The signs and synchronicity.

One of the things he found the most refreshing about me outside of my intelligence is how genuine and authentic I am. He was so grateful he didn’t have to wear a mask. That not only did I not judge him for his past, but I was able to help him understand it. He even cried in public in front of other people one day over something sweet I said. No one had ever just loved him. They made him feel he was so difficult to love, and I know what that is like.

We grew so close so fast. The way he spoke to me saying we must have lived past lives together, how we shared a soul, made me finally feel comfortable enough to share my journals with him. It blew both of our minds because I had forgotten some of the things I’d written. There was one experience I had that stands out because it was a vision of an experience we had all that time later and there is no way I could have planned it.

Then the day came where I knew something was off. It seemed fine on the surface. Nothing had changed as far as how much we were texting and him acting interested. However, I knew in my gut something was not right. The next day I asked him about it and he tried to play it off. In the past he had no issue lying to women and dragging things out, but he realized quickly he wasn’t going to be able to do that with me.

I responded compassionately as I am prone to do, and he typed, “You can’t be real” and my phone rang. He was honest with me and told me he was going back to an extremely toxic situation with his ex wife he had split from in September. I had never put her down. In fact, I wouldn’t let him put her down in my presence. I believe she deserves to walk her highest path, too, and he isn’t innocent in the volatility that they have dealt with in that marriage.

I was devastated. In the past I would have cancelled my meetings that day over something like this. I would have reacted very differently. But, this time I only reached out once to text him and tell him that my stomach hurt over this. He told me if I texted him again he was going to have her reply, so I apologized and told him I would not text again.

I decided he left questioning his own worth and not mine. He would often say when we spoke that he needed to get on my level. He seems to have put me on some pedestal I never asked to be placed on. That’s something only he can solve for himself. I can’t fix or save anyone else. I have tried that all my life and can assure you the only person I’ve ever saved is myself.

See, that’s the lesson I learned about my worth in my karmic marriage. It was never my worth in question, even when he gas-lit me and made me feel it was. When people offer you pain it’s because it’s all they have inside to give you.

That night I went to my meetings. His wife ended up texting me while I was there. I told her I would talk to her when I got home if she wanted to have a grown conversation, but I was busy at the moment. When I texted her back once I got home she told me all sorts of stuff that made me highly upset, but I chose not to stoop to the ego level.

I told her I wished them well, that their children are watching, and they need to get it together. Then I blocked both their numbers in my phone. I moved on with my life because I had to. I’m not putting my life on hold for any man. I have goals, dreams, and plans. Well, the experiences kept happening. At first I pushed his energy away and refused to entertain it.

I did learn after he left that January first, the day we saw each other for the first time in years, was the start of his personal year seven and my personal year one. Can I just tell you how this man’s Moon and Venus in my 12th house intuitively picks up on my insecurities and he quiets them. How he treats me and speaks to me increases my confidence and self-worth.

I’ve never had a man tell me to never lose my passion. He cupped my cheeks and begged me not to ever let it go. The personal year one is all about gathering the confidence to tackle new beginnings. Not only does he help me do that in so many ways just naturally, but everything I wrote down came true, so that increased my confidence in my intuition, which I need for what I want to do for a living going forward.

I definitely opened him up to spiritual and personal growth, which is all about the personal year seven. So, I figured maybe if we weren’t meant to be together we were just meant to inspire each other to grow and evolve. Though I honestly knew deep down we are supposed to be together. Some of what I wrote down back in the end of 2019 hasn’t happened yet.

Then I learned about synastry. Oh man is ours amazing. It is everything we experienced in our charts. Our synastry is such that coming together alters the future completely. There are three aspects that say we cannot lie to each other. That we will intuitively know if the other is lying. That’s how I knew in my belly something wasn’t right before anything changed on the surface.

We have definitely lived past lives together. My Sun in his fourth house is why he says it feels like home. That my energy is healing and peaceful and loving. He said when he walks in my door it’s as if the whole world melts away and he doesn’t have a care. People can say he’s faking it, but I’m here to tell you there is just no way he could be.

The overlays him and I have are amazing. They make for a spiritual, unconditionally loving connection. One that allows the other to keep their independence and there are no immature power dynamics at play. This explains a lot about how no matter who he hurt in the past he never hurt me in almost thirty years now. He easily could have but the universe just never played it that way.

His synastry with her isn’t as kind. It says there isn’t much love at all. It’s more like they have this spiked collar around each other’s necks. That their relationship is like a horror movie and they can’t stop watching. Everything he has told me and I’ve heard over the years is in that synastry report. They have dragged their entire extended family into their marriage. His sister told him enough because they aren’t just toxic to each other and the kids, but to everyone else in their lives as well.

Our mother’s are best friends and so I heard about every single time they broke up after he went back. There was one time in particular I emailed him and told him that I was open to talking and being friends because I knew he needed a positive influence in his life and I heard they had split up. Well, she replied pretending to be him. She said they were happy and living together, which I clearly knew was a lie. But I just said okay and let it go.

In March I found a job that was going to pay quite well. I worked three days and it shut down due to Covid. At the time I was still very politically active, so I was following the news, I was active on political Twitter, and my anxiety grew intense. I got away from spirituality for a bit. Quickly I realized I was expending energy into something I cannot control.

So, I deactivated political Twitter, I unfriended people who posted a lot about it, and I got back into meditation and spirituality. I got back to studying astrology and birth charts. As I did this the downloads began coming again. He was coming back. He would tell me that he’s been having dreams about me. That he can sense me telepathically now, too. All sorts of information and I was writing it down and carrying on.

Then, on May third his energy came rushing in with such an intensity it could not be ignored. That same day I met a woman on my spiritual Twitter account who wanted her birth chart read. So, I am now entertaining this man’s energy again. I am working on her birth chart. I send the chart to her on May sixth, which is the same day the North Node shifted into my 11th house and hers, too. She is also a Leo Rising. A beautiful and intelligent soul.

May seventh was the Super Moon in Scorpio, which is his rising sign. When I tell you that I can sense everything he goes through I tell you no lies. That night I was walking into my kitchen and I felt such an onslaught of anxiety that was not my own. I told the universe, “I can’t do this!” I heard a very quick, “You can and you will.” So, I tried working with him energetically and felt crazy the entire time, but eventually I felt his anxiety calm.

I began around that time logging my own tarot readings of his energy. I would occasionally watch them on YT. All the ones I watched on YT went from being about general life and career to love again. One reading in particular was our entire thirty year history and she told me the number six would be important to our connection somehow. I filed that away.

I paid for a personal reading from a reader I just absolutely connected with on every level. It came on May 25th. See, the woman I did the chart for has degrees and experience that can help me turn what I do into a business and she offered to help me do that. I asked this reader three questions and none of them were about love whatsoever.

First question: Will my business be a success?

Second question: Is this woman meant to help me launch or build it?

Third question: Is this man meant to be part of it at some point?

She started this reading off about me and what kind of person I am and she absolutely nailed it. When she got to the questions she read them in the order I sent them, but decided to start with the man. She said, not only is he going to be part of it, but this goes beyond the business. I see him proposing to you. She said that more than once, actually. She nailed his character and energy as well from the cards. I was blown away.

She also said over and over that I needed to speak to him with intellect and not with emotion. She stressed this. He is already unable to detach from his emotions and feels deeply as a Cancer Moon. He does have that prominent Virgo I spoke of earlier. Eight Virgo placements in one house, in fact. So, I speak to him intellectually anyway. That’s in our synastry and we can talk about intellectual topics for hours and hours without growing bored.

One of the things he said he knew he had to get better at is just telling me the truth about how he feels. Every woman he’s been with takes everything so personally that he watches what he says to avoid arguments, but I always know when he’s holding back or not being forthright. Much of what I learned in my marriage has been useful in this connection honestly. A lot of those old triggers have come up, and I’ve been able to be proud of my growth.

On June 30th it would have been my anniversary with my ex if we hadn’t divorced. I decided that evening to do an energy check in for July regarding this new love and myself. After doing them separately and having them both match I knew he was coming back in July. There was no doubt in my mind. So, I went to lay down right after that and as soon as my head was about to hit the pillow the universe said, “Sit up and talk to him”. So I did.

I was sobbing and everything I was saying was coming out as if I knew intuitively what to say. There wasn’t even any thinking about it. Yes, I felt crazy. And then, the next day July first he friend requested me on Facebook. Exactly six months to the day that I saw him that first time on January first. So, there is that number six I had filed away.

There were many other signs and synchronicities from the universe during this time, too. Random things people would say, songs that would come up, numbers repeating, and so much more. This was common place.

One of the first things he asked me that day on the phone is if I had been speaking to him telepathically the night before. I asked him why before I responded because it caught me off guard. Of course, I had been talking to him and sobbing during the whole experience. Well, he told me he was laying next to her crying and she didn’t care. That he spent hours talking to me in his head and crying out for me. He felt as if I were responding. Well, I was.

I didn’t let him come over right away because I knew I needed boundaries. But as each day passed it got harder and harder. He would say, “Can I please just come home now.” The first couple weeks were fine. We were in heaven again and everything felt amazing. We had deep conversations and healing taking place. He asked to watch the personal reading I paid for. It blew his mind. He couldn’t believe how accurate she got both of us.

He said if I had any doubt before I received that reading that clearly should have removed all doubt. He told me that the worst part about leaving me in January is that for the first time ever hurting a woman physically hurt him. That my pain became his pain. Well, that’s his Moon in my 12th house.

He told me he had so many dreams of us over that six months. That he was able to pick up my energy now when he couldn’t before. He told me basically everything I already knew because I had been receiving it in downloads for months. He didn’t know once again I had written any of that down.

One day we were laying in bed staring at each other and suddenly I told him I missed him. He got so excited and I was so confused. But he had been telling me to say “I missed you” telepathically to see if it would work. Another time he was sleeping in the bed and I walked over to the bed, kissed his forehead and in my head said “I love you”. He said, “I love you, too” right out loud as if he heard my thoughts even in his sleep.

We continued to practice this and it was one of the most exciting parts of it all for him. We would practice with colors, numbers, and often enough we got it right. It wasn’t perfect or correct every time, but enough that you can’t say it’s simply coincidence. This is all in our overlays and synastry, which we learned about after we already knew it was true for us.

It’s more like he can sense my thoughts and I can tell how he feels. So his inner world is traveling my subconscious. He easily picks up on things about me that I don’t even see. However, I’m not so much reading his mind, as I am subconsciously picking up his emotions. Which is just harder if I’m going to be honest.

Pretty quickly we realized that we can create our own little world and float on cloud nine. That’s in our chart, too. Both of us are incredibly intuitive and pick up on energy, so we like to create our own world away from external influences. He needed to create some stability and I had work to do of my own. So, we decided we wouldn’t spend so many nights together.

I found out he was using substances he shouldn’t have been using and it broke my heart. Everyone who knows him doesn’t believe he can walk away from that old life, but I believe in him. He called me one night just to tell me that he knows he’s a mess right now, but he’s going to get it together. That he knows no matter what happens right now one day we are going to be together and we are going to be married. He wants my kids to call him dad within 2 years.

Even though I told no one about this my son came to me shortly after saying he had a dream where he called this man dad. My youngest son had a dream about him, too. So it wasn’t just me picking up on this stuff. My kids did not know about those conversations.

I told no one about any of this. Venus in the 12th is all about secret relationships. He was worried about his wife finding out he was seeing me and using that against him because of his kids. Every time she says she doesn’t want him she’s fine until someone else does.

Eventually, though, I had to set a firmer boundary. I told him no more I love you, no more relationship talk, let’s just be friends. I knew he wasn’t in a space where union was going to happen or be productive. Yet, I was still trying to be there for him in what ways I could.

So we did good for a while this way. Then one night he called me and he said he knew he wasn’t supposed to say it but he missed me, he loved me, he wanted to come stay the night with me. That I didn’t have to let him and he would respect my choice either way, but he just really wanted to see me. Prior to this we met at the park and such, but I hadn’t allowed him over.

Well, that night I did. We didn’t make love or anything like that. He honestly just wanted to lay next to me. In fact, usually he would go outside and have a smoke now and then. That night he didn’t leave my side even once. He told me that when he isn’t with me he overthinks everything and second-guesses everything, but the moment he is next to me his mind knows peace. It’s the only time his mind gives him any peace at all.

So, I asked him, “In this moment, when there is only stillness and peace, what do you know for sure?” He replied, “That you love me and are my home.” Shortly after this night I found out I had a spontaneous abortion and lost an unexpected, unplanned pregnancy quite early. This truly woke me up. I am 41 with three adult children and one that will be an adult next February. He’s in no shape to have more children than the ones he already has.

He had stopped hanging out at the place where the substances were, was working, and he was growing more excited about gaining stability, but he was nowhere near ready to commit to me and a child. I am not ready at my age and after all I’ve been through to be a single mother either.

He wasn’t in a place where he could make me any promises. He said he didn’t want to hurt me because when he hurt me it hurt him and he can’t take it. So, I tried to be just friends with him. Whenever he was feeling something I could tell and would reach out. It blew his mind every time that I could intuitively pick up on when he needed me most.

Then one day I just felt something really off again like the time in January. So, I reached out and asked him if he was planning on working things out with her. He said he wanted to call me. I told him no, it doesn’t require an explanation. It’s a yes or no question. Because honestly, if that was his plan there is no way she is going to let us remain friends, so I felt like by not telling me he was using me until she took him back. He said yes, that was the plan.

I thanked him and I blocked him. That was July 28th. I did email him after I blocked him and told him I won’t block his number in my phone so he can text me when he’s ready to get the things he left here. I said a bit more than that, but I ended this relationship gracefully and in my power.

While we had been together during July he told me he created a fake profile to reach out to me previously, but I never responded. He used a phrase from a song we loved to let me know it was him and asked for my number. I never got that message. Well, the other night I was going through and learned there is a spam category beyond the message requests.

Sure enough, he had reached out. The date was June first. What is up with the first every time he reaches out or I see him I don’t know. The universe didn’t want us together in June apparently, but June is the sixth month of the year, so there is that. I deleted all the messages from January and July. I blocked the fake account as well.

I had a dream shortly after we stopped speaking again that Saturn was somehow relevant to July first. I wrote it down and didn’t think much of it. Later that day I was watching a podcast and they said it was July first when Saturn went Rx into Capricorn. This wants us focused on our stability, career, and structuring our lives.

Well, when he came back everything I had written down came true again. This excited me to work more on my business and figure out exactly what I want to do to structure my life and build it. Not only that, but I had sent him this long, encouraging message right after we started talking again. It inspired him to go out and get a job and start seeking his own structure and stability.

I did tell him this time he cannot come back to me without a divorce, time, and stability under his belt. I am no one’s mistress, no one’s second choice, and no one’s maybe. I bring way too much to the table to play that game. I am not going to inspire you to pick up your broken pieces every time she breaks you only to have you keep going back to what breaks you.

I know the intensity of our connection, how effortless it is, all of that scares him. He told me he views me as a catalyst to change and transform his entire life and while that excites him to the core, it also terrifies him. He’s choosing to play it small like a lot of us do. The thought of stepping up and into our own power can be absolutely intimidating.

He said the words I’ve spoken to him, the wisdom I’ve given him, never leaves his mind. He uses things I taught him to aid his relationship with someone else. I don’t know whether I’m supposed to be hurt or honored by that. It honestly just feels sometimes like the universe is playing some cruel joke on me, but I know there are necessary lessons in all of this.

The other day I had another dream. I woke up and wrote it down at 7:17 a.m. He came to me in the dream and told me they were still separated and she was posting about me on her page. In the dream I couldn’t tell what she posted, but there were many words in all caps. I didn’t unblock her to go look because it’s petty and it’s ego. So, I moved on with my day.

It’s interesting to note that the angel number 717 is a sign that you’re on the right path and the universe doesn’t want you second guessing yourself. Which, if I had went and looked no doubt I would have second guessed every vision, download, and dream as if I hadn’t experienced it at all.

That evening my grown son came up to my room. He was telling me about how his dreams and intuitive hits keep coming true. So, I told him about the Saturn dream and the one from that morning. He doesn’t have her blocked, so he decided to go check and his eyes got big.

Sure enough her page said they are separated and she had posted about me. She didn’t mention my name, but she didn’t have to. It was clearly making fun of my spirituality and calling me a hoe, which I am not. Many of the words were in all caps just like in my dream, too. I wrote about that here:

Later that day I watched this reading with a woman who does charms at the end. It was so on point to what I experienced. The charms spelled out “She can’t know”. Understand she has never met me. She can’t know what I know because she is living in ego and still trying to manipulate situations to her will. I know what I know, and as he says, “I know know”. He isn’t fooling anyone, least of all himself, but either way I wish him well.

He told me in July that when he’s honest with himself he knows. He said I’m the only woman he’s ever intuitively known he can trust. That he doesn’t question how I feel for him. When I would say I love you to him he would reply, “I know, know” and say he loved me, too. In fact, “I know, know” became a common reply we used when we told each other important emotional expressions in general.

Yes, he has hurt me, but he has never once abused me, misspoke to me, treated me unkindly, unfairly, or unjustly. He has only ever been respectful, complimentary, kind, and loving to me. Even in his leaving he is kind.

I remember in January asking him, “Did you mean anything you said about me?” He replied, “Everything I said about the person you are is absolutely true.” He later told me that he was angry I would even ask him that. Well, hello, if you really meant everything you said why are you leaving?

Because we accept the love we think we deserve. He thinks he has to work hard to get someone to love him I guess. Loving him comes easy for me. So easy that I light candles for him and never ask for him to return. I don’t want anyone by my side who doesn’t come freely of their own volition. I simply ask for him to gain the confidence, courage, and self-respect to walk his highest path, whether or not that leads back to me.

Non-attachment to outcomes is best. Every time I think of him my heart grows ten sizes. I feel like the Grinch. That’s how I know this is different. I don’t love him for what he can do to reassure and fortify me. I love him for who he is, for how I feel in his presence, for the authentic connection we share. I love him enough to let him go and let him learn his lessons without interference.

If he comes back so be it. According to the astrology and the cards he will. I’m still keeping logs. I don’t let this consume my life because in all honesty whether he comes back or not I’m happy on my own. I’ve learned that anything someone else can give me I can offer myself. Separation is an illusion. When I lay down at night I invite his energy here and feel as if he is laying right next to me.

I am still going to build something great. I am still going to love people. I am still going to follow my path. I figure the universe knows what it is doing. Uranus is currently transiting his seventh house. It has been since March of 2019.

It isn’t going anywhere any time soon and just went Rx yesterday. I can feel him coming back in my soul. We’ll see if he tries it before a divorce and stability is final. If so, he will get told no. If I don’t respect my boundaries neither will he or anyone else.

He’s a Scorpio Rising and has Aquarius in his fourth house. That means part of his life purpose is to find his soul tribe. Because of what is in his ninth house his soul tribe will be wise people who can expand his mind and perspective on life, like me.

He told me once one of his favorite things about being over here is that there is no meaningless conversation. Even if he and I are playing a game with the kids the conversation is intelligent and stimulating. Saturn and Jupiter move to Aquarius and his fourth house in December and my seventh.

This means his home and emotional foundations, as well as my relationships and business partnerships will have stability and structure. Not only that, but they will have growth, luck, and expansion. So my guess is he will be back before the end of the year and at least be in the process of a divorce.

More about Scorpio Rising’s soul purpose here:

So, are twin flame connections difficult? Yes. Do they cause you pain and trigger you? Yes. However, it is never abusive or toxic. If you are in a situation where someone is verbally, mentally, emotionally, or physically abusing you remove yourself please. That is a karmic tie and it’s time to cut it off.

This man would never.


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You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors. ― Andrew Boyd