Mothering Ourselves
Recently as my daughter has had to work through deep wounds that I have allowed to enter her life, my own wounds were ripped open. I could sit here and lie and tell you that it’s been an easy process, but that isn’t true. What I will say is I handle these moments so much better than I used to.
I refuse to allow what happened to me growing up be personal. The world was different then, less access to resources, and cycles are hard to break. As a cycle breaker I’m telling you that shit is so hard. It’s why most people do not do it. But because I did it, my children are doing it sooner.
Everyday you are seeding your life. Real nurturing is not doing everything for everyone. It’s not allowing your loved ones to suffer in victimhood. It’s about validating where they are, but inspiring them to move if they don’t like how it feels. You can’t enable people to overly count on you, and then get mad and project resentment about it. Stop being a yes person.
You don’t have to do everything alone. It’s okay to delegate some shit. Don’t worry if someone else doesn’t do something as well as you feel you could. That’s a control issue that is yours to work through. Because the only thing that will ever bring you peace is surrender.
Surrender is letting every moment be exactly what it is. Validate the moment and move on to the next one. You don’t have to do this alone. The saying that women feel more than men is just untrue. As society harmed women it wasn’t like it made it easy for men.
Men aren’t allowed to show their feelings. And then we want to cry and get mad when we beg them to over and over, and they just don’t know how. I feel like part of my mission on Earth is to channel and uplift humanity.
That’s all my Aquarius placements. I believe more than ever that I have divine helpers in the subtle realms. And I hope that this helps you.
Let me ask you, how are you still dimming your light? How can you mother yourself in ways that don’t make you feel you’re competing for a spot in the bare minimum olympics? We are going to be nurturing our children and families differently moving into the future.
Aquarius is the sign that teaches us our partner, our child, our friend, our neighbor, our worst enemy, is our equal. They are their own soul with their own lessons. And the power we have to influence them is huge.
We are releasing patterns as individuals and a collective. As above, so below. There is beauty in being devoted to being in control of your own emotions and responses. You can be a teacher just by showing up in emotionally intelligent ways. Just say yes.
What lights you up? Go there. Dare to sit in the discomfort of your dream life. What does that look like? Nurture that dream, too. Have the discipline to sit with all of your feelings and figure them out. I listened to a spiritual teacher earlier say that we should just stop thinking. That the way to manifest the life you want is to never think at all.
I could not disagree more. When I first sit with myself I do usually turn on a frequency and empty my mind. I take deep breaths and enter this space of peace and calm. But then I think. I love to think and talk about what I am thinking about. It’s such a thing for me.
Thinking is not bad. When you approach it that way it creates this unconscious fear. Something I noticed that I do differently with my grandson is I don’t tend to say, “That’s bad”, as if his curiosity is the issue. I have begun saying, “That isn’t safe”.
I wasn’t some awful person when I didn’t realize the issue. It can just take me longer to get the issue because of how I was raised. We really do mindlessly repeat cycles without self-awareness. And I would relive my entire shitty existence again to get to this space. I am so grateful.
My faith has the power to turn trauma into healing. I look fear in the face and shift conflict into growth and bonding. My happiness will only ever be as great as my level of trust in the Universe. In the level of trust I can build with myself that I am going to choose to be okay no matter what.
And sometimes that looks like a bad week, where even if I didn’t project the worst onto others, I was not letting my own fearless freedom light up the world. Because my life is surely not perfect. Even though I no longer vibrate on the energy of victimhood I go through plenty of tests.
I think we are all in a period where we can feel like loss in a thing. Whether it’s loss of youth, health, vitality, the mind, material comforts. It just feels like we have to work harder than ever to just survive. You have to learn how to ask for support, and it’s smart to start asking the divine.
To sit in meditation or automatic writing and let yourself be guided by a higher version of you that is waiting for you in the cosmos. You don’t have to do it alone, but some of us are meant to lead the way. This requires a level of independence. You are capable and competent.
It is time to set and enforce serious boundaries with the people in your life. It is time to remember that the reason your boundaries stop working is because you keep falling back into the fear of disappointing people. The secret to growing strong emotionally is to sit in that discomfort.
I promise you that the only way to ever be able to enforce boundaries and be uncomfortable with someone else, to risk abandonment, is to get comfortable in discomfort with yourself first. Build your tolerance for it.
Feel it all, but let go of the idea that you own it. Be teachable. And understand that the talisman of wisdom you create in this life is not for your own good. It’s to do your part in evolving the present, so that the future is brighter for those yet to arrive.
Real nurturing is setting an example. If you want the people around you to be strong, independent, and thriving teach them how. They have to figure their lives out the same way you do. There is part of me that still wants to get angry over that, but thankfully she is the quieter voice now.
I want more time to balance between loving others and taking care of myself. But so many of us feel this way. Today alone I saw several venting posts about husband’s who expect their wives to be like their moms.
We do that to them!
As women we have greater power than you would ever believe to influence the people around us. It just takes recognition of your worth, setting boundaries on red flags, and enforcing them. It takes leaving manipulation and fear behind. You have to stop begging and release. Surrender it all.
You can focus on the fact that you feel like nothing ever changes, so that nothing changes. Or, you could sit in the discomfort, even if it’s discomfort related to leveling up. Remind your imposter syndrome of your worth.
As women we are the portal of life into this world. We raise and nurture that life. Society has taught us that women are to slave over their families, and be at their beck and call. And we wonder why daughters grow up to repeat mama’s mistakes, and the men all act like their daddies.
The Moon is in Aquarius square Uranus in Taurus. Emotionally we just want to vibe. We are so tired of feeling. But that isn’t practical. Life is not always good vibes only. It’s moments like this, right now.
I worked an 8 hour shift and it was so busy. I left there with my brain so fried I told my colleague I was going home to take a nap. And just before I left work I had several people reach out asking me for rides.
I had to stop and put air in my tires after work and it didn’t go as planned. I came home and tried to eat the dinner John made, but my autoimmune has been acting up, and my stomach isn’t loving me right now. I feel pulled in so many different directions. Here is what is also true…
I am a projector in Human Design. I have a four hour max output before I have to take a time out. So I told one person it would depend on timing. I told the others the plan was for me to come home, change, eat, relax a bit and take care of myself. Then I would take them where they wanted to go.
What a difference that makes. And the bonus is that I am teaching my children it’s okay to take care of themselves first. You don’t teach by preaching. You teach by doing. Start somewhere.
Like Knowing your worth…
That means even if you feel like the most undeserving person on the planet you convince yourself you’re not. That regardless of how you feel in a given moment, you can react from space of worthiness. It will feel foreign and wrong at first because you’re rewiring neural pathways formed long ago.
Feelings follow actions. Build self-respect like a muscle, one better decision at a time. And when you inevitably revert back recognize it sooner, so that you can pivot to emotional intelligence. But don’t rush yourself. This work takes time. Discomfort doesn’t feel good to sit in.
Saying no, wait, pause is not easy for me. It’s uncomfortable. But so is the resentment and later projection of it if I say yes in that moment. Choose your hard honestly. Choosing to say wait saves so much hurt and pain. No one is going to hate you if you tell them something has to wait, and if they do, well reconsider having them in your life.
Set and enforce boundaries…
As you begin asserting yourself you can do it in kind ways, but be firm about it. If someone violates your new boundary you must enforce it. It’s not up to them to suddenly change just because you’ve decided to. Self-awareness and self-control are a you thing.
This means you will have to leave behind what is familiar for what is free and liberating. Love won’t restrict you. That’s how you know. Once you know your worth it’s time to start cutting cords. Now is the time as Venus will soon move into Libra and conjunct the South Node.
Figure out your thing…
What is something that helps you get back to baseline? I understand that when I am overstimulated it’s because I take on the world’s emotions and amplify them loudly. So it’s my job to know when it’s time to take a break, to restore myself, and to pour into me for a bit.
Sometimes that looks like coming home and jumping straight into a bath with a roach to smoke. Other days it looks like me sitting here writing a blog. Still yet, it can look like me watching TikTok in bed for an hour. It’s different depending on the day, and that’s okay.
What always works best for me is sitting down with a peaceful frequency. Closing my eyes and take slow, deep breaths. Getting high on the dopamine of the divine. Because once I do that I feel like I am ready to tackle whatever I had to take a break from.
Get to really know yourself…
I used to beg a man for words of affirmation. I really thought if he could just say the words here and there it would fix everything. HA. My real love language is acts of service. I don’t give a shit what you say. What is it you are actually doing? Because that’s where the proof is for me.
Once you start peeling back the layers of what anxiety said it wanted, you start discovering what you actually want. Getting an astrology or human design reading is something I highly suggest. You can of course click the link below and get one or both from Liz and I, but I honestly suggest anyone to get started.
It’s like a confirmation that your higher self exists. Knowing intimately what is happening in my charts guides me through so much. It even points out the shadow side of every sign and how that plays out in my life. Getting a reading won’t make the work less daunting. Just gives it a purpose.
Practice emotional intelligence over and over…
Challenge yourself to sit in uncomfortable emotions. Don’t be in a rush to get rid of and escape them. If someone triggers you notice what your body does. Use that as a cue that it’s time to retreat. Tell them you need some time to process something, and will return to the conversation.
Normalize healthy detachment and communication. If the people in your life cannot honor and respect that they are likely anxiously attached. If they aren’t willing to get help you may have to let them go for your own sanity. Knowing when is easier than you think.
If someone is asking you to help them through something difficult that they are choosing over and over it’s time to say no. It’s time to cut them off. Because you have important work to do with people who are ready to take responsibility for their decisions in life.
Emotional intelligence is knowing no matter how much it hurts, nothing is as personal as it feels. You teach people how to treat you as a woman, and thereby how to treat others. Your children are watching you.
You may get irritated that they want so much from you, but who taught them they should expect it? You did. Now it’s time to teach them something different, and know that in doing so, you’re filling them with wonderful knowledge and examples of how to create their own peace.
Start Small, friends…
For months I have been doing my spiritual routine. Prior to that I would go months without one. But I chose that to focus on and now everyday, even the days I wake up later, I pull cards and meditate. My next focus is on the foods that I eat. I need to heal some of the damage to my gut.
So, I’m going to stop myself from overthinking all of the changes I need to make, and learn how to best implement meal prep into my life. Once that is figured out I’ll figure out the gym. Then I’ll move on to the next thing.
As badly as I’d like to implement the changes all right now that isn’t plausible for any of us. I am doing ONE thing, and then once mastered, I’ll add another. It takes time to build muscle; internally and externally.
Until you’re able to regulate yourself regulating yourself is your ONE thing.
Real nurturing, true nurturing, comes from setting an example and setting boundaries. And it’s not about being perfect, but consistent over time. That’s all anyone who has ever lived can offer. It is when we learn how to properly nurture ourselves that we can properly nurture others. ❤
I love you all so much.
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