There is so much I could write and have written about the concept of a twin flame, which is essentially someone who shares the same soul as you. One of the things I don’t like about some of the teachings is that they say only some people have this privilege and the rest do not. It reminds me a lot of dogma.

I heard someone say the other day only 144,000 are the original set of twins. Says who? The Christian bible? That book has been proven a fraud and it has so many contradictions in it there is no way you should base what you believe on what is written in those pages. Why are you so special?

This is why I don’t like religion or dogma. It causes us to separate groups of people and sow division. No one is better than you. I don’t care if you hear people talking about a first wave, second wave, whatever wave of twin flames. Don’t get caught up in that. You’ll lose the forest for the trees.

The truth is everyone you meet is a mirror for you. You don’t have to share the same soul because the truth is we are all one. Every single one of us is part of the same exact universe. We’re all bits of the same energy experiencing itself in different forms.

Relationships with others are nothing more than a relationship with self. Twin flame, karmic, soulmate, call it whatever you want, but at the end of the day consciousness is one. Each person in your life can reflect something back to you about yourself, for better or worse.

We all crave love and belonging. We search our entire lives to feel and experience both. We are yearning and often feel something is lacking in our life if we aren’t with someone else. This is true for all people, even if they’ve never heard of, or don’t believe in twin flames and soulmates. We all want to find our perfect match and live happily ever after.

Before meeting the person I feel is my twin flame I did engage in a lot of healing on my own. It’s as if I were preparing my life to meet him because everything I overcame he now has to overcome. I studied psychology, learned about power dynamics, and engaged in shadow work.

I didn’t know consciously I was doing this to help others some day, but I know now my entire chart is a map that speaks of me turning my pain into a purpose. It speaks to me having to create this with someone else, too. It’s as if somehow, on an unconscious level, I knew I had to welcome him into my life years later, and needed to be prepared.

I will tell you that whether or not you believe in this concept people you engage in relationships with are going to trigger you. Often without meaning to, but we all have wounds. Your partner cannot heal your wounds, but they will unintentionally trigger them to bring your attention to what needs to heal. Even if you’re with someone mean and karmic this applies.

When we fail to find wholeness, belonging, boundaries, and love on our own we don’t have it to even offer anyone else. So, if you’re dealing with people who are unhealed all they have to give you is pain. If I hadn’t done so much of the healing work after leaving my toxic marriage I would never have gotten through the stages of this twin flame journey as well as I have.

My awakening to him began in September of 2019 before he entered my life in the material world. I guess I always had this vague sense that someone out there was going to be my perfect match, but I filed that with wishful thinking. When his energy started coming to me I had hung up the idea of truly finding love and was ready to live life out alone.

Then, the real awakening happened when he came into my life and every dream, vision, and download I wrote for four months came true. When we physically came together the compatibility hit us straight in the face. It was just this random, chance encounter that felt so destined to us both.

This is someone I’ve known and spoken to on and off for thirty years. If you would have asked either of us prior to this year if we were twin flames we’d have likely laughed. But before he ever knew I had felt him coming, before he knew I was this spiritual, before he knew I had predicted what was happening he said he felt like we must share a soul. Were made from the same stardust.

It’s true we didn’t stay together very long in January when he came around, and that we didn’t make it quite a full month the last time he was here. It doesn’t matter because I understand the reason that is the case is because of the intensity we feel. The bond is out of this world. Time itself is an illusion.

Now, I want to pause here because this bond is unlike anything either of us has ever experienced, but that doesn’t mean yours is less than ours. Even when the bond isn’t this intense people grow afraid of connection and real intimacy. Now, I have an 8th house full of the fact that I am capable of deep, intense, real intimacy, and even I grow afraid of it.

When this happens we often self-sabotage. There is always a test phase to most relationships. Where we are trying to understand our relationship to this other person. The only real difference I’ve noticed between relationships I had prior to healing and now is that the bond is much different. This isn’t a relationship that fed my ego. It fed my soul and there is a difference.

What I’ve noticed is in the past when men would pull away from me I would remove any boundaries I did have. I would practically beg them to stay, to love me, to soothe my soul. I never felt anything for any of them the way I feel for this man, and yet I’ve established boundaries. My limitations have been tested and I’ve moved past this need for constant bliss in relationships.

The second time he came back the honeymoon phase ended quickly. When he left in January it never ended before he left. That entire six months he was gone was a test, though. Then in July it got tested while we were still in contact. We began to notice the obstacles in the way of our future, and get serious about what that meant.

We triggered things in each other that need healing. This is also something I want to talk about because this happens in all relationships, too. However, in this relationship neither him nor I were ever mean or disrespectful to the other. It was through things we mirrored to each other that we didn’t like in ourselves, or that we were perhaps hypocritical about in some way.

I feel like what happened in July was a crisis stage. I wrote about our journey and explained a lot of it, but July was just intense. I do believe in the long-term it will catalyze a deeper, more stable bond. What happened forced me to recognize that I don’t want to fall back into old patterns of codependency. So, I established boundaries about those obstacles in the way.

We both experienced quite a bit of anxiety over our bond and how immediate and intense it was and remained, even after six months apart. There are issues he has to work through that I already have, and even though I worked through them they were triggered for me to take second look. Self-love, grief, betrayal, abandonment, all of these things have to be healed for any relationship to be successful, not just a twin flame.

Separation from him is more painful at first than any other separation I’ve ever had. This is because it’s like separating from part of myself, literally. However, it has also taught me that separation is illusion. See, I felt his energy coming four months before I knew who it was.

That energy has never gone away. It’s still here to this day. I can bask in the feelings he gives me without him being physically present with me. His Moon and Venus are in my 12th house, every planet we have is a mirror to the other’s planets. The aspects we share are amazing. The bond is incredibly telepathic and intuitive. He knows what I think, me how he feels.

With twin flames you hear a lot about the runner and chaser stage, but I think this can also happen in any relationship. If you’re chasing someone you are living in ego and desperation and that is simply not attractive. So attract them to you with confidence. With not needing them, but wanting them. Your desperation is what often pushes people away.

The truth is people run because they fear confronting the deep levels of intimacy that the two of you are capable of. They may feel pain and become defensive, feeling on one hand it’s great to have someone they can be themselves with, and on the other terrified to be themselves. If they leave know that it is not personal and let them go.

Realize there are greater forces at play that are beyond your control. The only thing you can control is your relationship to yourself. The stronger and more stable that is the stronger any other relationship you bring in will be. They have to stop running and you have to stop chasing.

Confront your fear, sadness, pain, and triggers. Heal them and build a mountain of self-love, including loving and appreciating your shadow. A lot of people tell you to avoid the shadow or you can’t manifest. I’m here to tell you if you avoid it you won’t manifest. It’s not going anywhere until you confront it and integrate it, so until then it’s blocking successful long-term union, and likely anything else you’re trying to bring in.

If this person is a true twin flame or soulmate trust the time of surrender will come and that things are being worked on behind the scenes. You must both be in a stage where you’re truly going to be okay with or without each other, so that when and if you do come together there is no toxic codependency.

You have to give up your desire to control the relationship or the other person. When you finally surrender with controlling yourself and knowing it’s all you can do they will mirror you if they are meant for you. Neither of you can escape your destiny. So, even if they are with someone else don’t sweat it.

We accept the love we think we deserve, and it could be they don’t feel worthy of your love just yet. If you’re chasing in desperation they sense your unworthy feelings, too, and will keep mirroring that back to you. Now, this doesn’t mean separation is your fault, so please don’t take it that way. I want you to love yourself for yourself, not to attract them back to your life.

Anything negative you feel about yourself is something that will be reflected back to you from those you’re in relationship with. The only real difference is with a twin flame you recognize that is what is happening. The truth is most often when we judge other people it’s because of something we don’t like about ourselves or who we used to be if we’ve evolved.

If him and I came into union right now I would feel an incredible sense of relief, but if the balance isn’t truly restored first we’re going to end up right back where we are. Other people’s job is not to heal you. They will only ever show you where you need to heal by triggering your wounds. Heal thyself, and then you will attract healed people to you.

So, don’t fall for all these labels. Don’t get caught up in dogma. Don’t worry about what energy your partner, soulmate, twin, karmic is in. That doesn’t ever matter. The only thing that will ever matter is your energy. Focus on aligning your own and let everything else come to you.

If you’re a divine feminine that doesn’t mean you’re a woman. The yin and yang is a better term. Yin energy doesn’t chase or act. It’s soft and receptive. So, yield to that energy, become that energy, and allow yourself to receive what is meant for you without being terrified it’s never coming.

I know people hate it when you tell them more healing has to be done. I hate that shit, too. But the truth is if you’re focused so much on union that you’re not invested in you, in your projects, in your journey you’re holding union up. You’re still in a codependent energy and the universe only speaks energy.

At the end of the day whatever you call your relationships they are all a mirror. Your relationship to your parents, children, family, friends, partners, coworkers, whoever it is can call teach you so much about yourself. Discover who you are using self-awareness and self-reflection. Then change the reflection if you don’t like what you see.

Never shame the old you once you evolve. After all, it’s the old you who puts in the work to get you where you are. ❤

Namaste

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You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors. ― Andrew Boyd