Imposter Syndrome

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”

― C.G. Jung

Hello, my name is Trina, and I’m a constant work in progress. It seems no matter how long I’ve been on the self-healing journey some days I feel like an imposter. As if there is still no way I deserve a good and beautiful life. Many days are wonderful in my life now, even when they’re hard, but that almost makes you more afraid to lose it sometimes.

Imposter syndrome is the feeling that you’re not as competent as others think you are. It’s as if you’re afraid at any moment you’re going to be found out, but man I tell on myself. I’m not wasting anymore time striving for perfection, or worrying if others perceive me as such. It causes way too much anxiety.

I come from a background where for forty years I was told, taught, and believed I did not deserve a good life. This led me to self-sabotage it and live a hard life full of trauma like I didn’t have a choice. I wouldn’t have known anything about trauma responses back then, but mine was fawn.

It was let me force a resolution that isn’t real in order to keep some image or perception of peace. Then being at war with myself wanting to project the fault onto anyone else but me. I am not that person anymore, but I didn’t realize I was even her when I was. It was mindless repeating and begging.