When you can sense a good change about to happen for you the immediate reaction is fear if your past is full of trauma and chaos. When you fear the change it keeps you stuck in cycles that are toxic and only adds more trauma and chaos to your life. We get stuck in these loops if we’re not careful.
How do you deal with your emotions when they rise up? Do you avoid them at all costs? Do you miss the subtle signs they give you because you’re trying to protect your heart at all costs? Do you live chronically disappointed just in case the other shoe drops? If so this has to change before your life can change.
Inside of you is a passionate soul yearning to express itself. The scariest thing in the world is wearing our hearts on our sleeves, but it’s the only way to fully express who you are and be accepted and loved authentically. Short of this anyone who says they love you won’t be loving the authentic you.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been with them for decades. They are loving a mask. You have played impostor syndrome long enough. Most relationships consist of two empty people trying to siphon what they can from one another, but there is nothing there to siphon. All the negativity and sludge builds over time. They get stuck in the thick of it, unable to see clearly.
A lot of the reasons so many people feel unloved in all sorts of relationships is because they are expecting other people to fill them up. See, you must first heal yourself, cultivate love for self, find your worth and stand in it, only then will you be your authentic self. Only then will you have something inside to offer other people that is a genuine representation of love.
Only then will you believe that other people can love you. If you are going through life feeling unworthy and unloved no one can tell you otherwise no matter how hard they try, and they probably feel like a failure for it. When we self-sabotage we hurt so much more than ourselves.
When another person has a lack of focus, lack of self-love, self-worth they aren’t going to be able to make you feel loved and worthy. They are in a mode of protection. They have walls up and no matter how high you climb they will build them higher. You cannot save them. They will keep pulling you back down into the toxic sludge again and again.
I spent fifteen years, a Leo Rising, meant to burst forth and shine, being pulled into his box over and over again. I kept thinking one more try. Surely he loves us enough to do it this time. But he was too afraid of my light. He didn’t want others to see it and potentially take it away from him. These people feed off of you and eat you alive if you let them.
None of it is personal. Be determined to remember that. The only reason hurt people hurt people is because of the hurt. We often bleed on people who never cut us. It’s going to take time to build confidence and the willpower to stand up for yourself and set healthy boundaries, but it’s necessary. You can’t love people whole. They have to love themselves there.
When you cultivate confidence, self-love, self-worth you will radiate unconditional love to others. It will be attracted into your life with minimal effort. Just be responsible for your own energy and make sure you’re not carrying the energy of others around if it isn’t welcome. Protect thyself.
How do you cultivate those traits? Well, you start by realizing that you might feel super motivated right now, but realistically you can’t overcome all your negative traits in a day. So you make a deal with yourself to go slow and steady. To not feel the need to do all your growing in a day to be worthy. You’re worthy right now. Keep reminding yourself of that.
You can have excuses or results, but you will never be allowed both. There is a fine line between understanding you can’t take on too much, and using that as an excuse to stay stuck and take longer than you need to. Learn that line.
You can put in the hours to research emotional intelligence, self-worth, self-love, etc. They have so many exercises that can help you. One of the best methods for me is simply replacing the thoughts. If I start feeling insecure, down, or unworthy I am self-aware enough to know that’s what I’m feeling.
So, I figure out why I’m feeling that way. I’m not afraid to sit in my bed and feel it through. To cry if I have to. Usually at some point wherever the feeling came from becomes clear to me. I can then remind myself I’ve forgiven a person, or that I’ve already dealt with that issue.
Don’t live your life afraid to take a risk. Don’t lie to yourself to allow yourself to stay small and ignore your soul’s calling. Build your relationship with yourself so strong and solid, that no matter who comes and goes you are good. Yes, it hurts, and you can take the time to process those feelings, too.
Healing isn’t linear. No matter how often you tell yourself something wasn’t as personal as it feels it still hurts. So as needed set a boundary to prove you love yourself and have a standard of worth. Then take some time to slow down, rest, and heal. Tap into your higher self and intuition.
This will allow for you to have brilliant moments of clarity to embrace the new change you’re fearing. To help you squash the fear, anxiety, and other things blocking you from it in that moment. Simply talk to your feelings. “Hello, anxiety, I appreciate that you’ve been trying to protect me, but I don’t need your protection anymore.”
This validates your own feelings the way another would, but it’s more powerful because you believe most what you tell yourself. Do this enough and the anxiety decreases. Try shadow work exercises, too. Open yourself up to the divine and allow for visions, signs, dreams, and higher realms to speak to you. Be open to what comes.
Completion and joy cannot take place without a belief that you deserve it. Unfortunately, no outside validation will ever be enough. It will make you feel good momentarily, but be gone as quick as it came in. Let your world change. Watch it shift before your eyes, and trust the unknown a little bit.
Of course, defend your energy, time, and resources in a healthy way, but do not live life protecting yourself from pain. It’s rather silly. Pain is certain if you don’t allow the change. The pain and agony of staying stuck in the thick of toxic cycles and repeated lessons you long ago learned and have ignored.
You have only so much time in this life. Why aren’t you running with haste toward what you love? All the tools you need to have a healthy relationship live within you. It’s time to dig them out. Release the nostalgia of karmic lessons you have had to or need to let go of.
Don’t you want a soul tribe? I’m not talking about all the fake, funny people who make up your current circle. The one you cultivated wearing a mask. I’m talking about a tribe.
People who understand you intuitively, telepathically almost. Those who won’t add to your trauma and pain because they have healed their own, and aren’t looking to you for a salvation you cannot offer them? People who remind you when you’re off and help right you again?
Every day you’re one choice away from a different life. A different relationship. A different experience. Stop complaining and make a change. Accept the risk that is before you and leap. The universe has your back.
Your inner child needs you to re-parent yourself. To be the safe space for expression you never had growing up. Don’t hate your parents or the people who raised you. It’s all just repeated cycles that I swear none of them wanted or enjoyed repeating. It’s time to be your own salve and heal the wounds.