Greeting the dawn alone

How many dawns did I greet alone? My thoughts heavier than the eyelids that I had to pry apart repeatedly? I’d push to stay awake until moments before I knew his alarm would blare, not wanting to be close to him anymore than I had to be.

Only then, only when I knew he was moments away from being out of my presence for the day, could I bare climbing in bed beside him. Part of me loathed him in ways I never knew I could loathe another human being. I hated climbing into bed next to him. Yet I did it for years. Please don’t do the same thing and call that love.

During the week now, I wake up alone to greet the dawn. Having slept next to an amazing man who has gone off to work. No longer waiting until my eyelids are screaming to climb into bed. In fact, we climb in throughout the day for mini cuddle sessions sometimes. What a difference.

I wake full of the peace and contentment he has added to my life. Knowing that morning he kissed me before he left for work. He hasn’t missed a morning kiss since we started spending our nights together. In fact, if he’s working close to home he’ll pop in for a kiss now and then.

On weekends I often wake first, which is a switch for us. I love letting him sleep in, and then waking him with coffee and a kiss. And it’s ironic that I had to shed my fear of abandonment to claim this kind of love. It’s…