Given the Chance

Adjust Your Sails
7 min readOct 4, 2023

Maybe you were never given a chance to be soft. To relinquish control and surrender. Maybe instead, you were forced into a role that taught you power didn’t belong to you. Maybe you have never understood that you have sovereignty and agency over your life because from the day you were born you were taught you did not.

So you become attached to the fear of abandonment and rejection, and you self-sabotage any attempts to move you away from the victim mindset. You become the one everyone else relies on, but then those same people shit on you, disrespect you, treat you as if your worth and value doesn’t exist.

When you live your entire life in fight or flight safe isn’t something available to you. In fact, when things are too peaceful it feels like a threat. Especially to the high-functioning codependents Liz and I discuss in the Aries Libra bonus episode we released yesterday.

You know, where you anticipate things going wrong before they do? This way you can work hard to plan, strategize, and prevent what you feel is the inevitable disruption of your nervous system? And it’s not even about abandonment or rejection underneath it all, no. It’s about you not wanting to feel an ounce of dysregulation because it’s uncomfortable.

If no one held you as a child when you were upset. If they told you to stop crying or they would give you something to cry about. If they didn’t connect with you on an emotional level, and teach you emotional intelligence, you don’t have the first clue how to sit with uncomfortable emotions.

So we have all these different attachment styles masquerading as love. Let me ask you something, is the disrespect, betrayal, withholding of affection, hurt and pain, rare in your relationships? Is the repair there afterward where both parties take accountability and grow together? If not, that isn’t love. And I hope you decide soon to stop pretending it is.

Even if you think you love them ask yourself if you love how they make you feel? Because there is a huge difference. Mel Robbins talks about this…



Adjust Your Sails

You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors. ― Andrew Boyd