Adjust Your Sails
10 min readNov 15, 2023

Yesterday my daughter was verbally assaulted in the most trashy way I’ve ever seen displayed. It was not only natural for her to want to defend herself, but just as natural for me to want to defend her. However, in both our cases it was coming from ego, and wanting to appear right or better than someone else was telling us we were.

This world is full of ways to tell us that we are not good enough. That we don’t deserve basic human decency and respect. That’s why I’ve always taught that it’s not about what is external to you. It’s your own voice that will forever matter most.

There was nothing to prove. It was the most obvious thing in the world that the people coming after her had zero emotional intelligence or maturity. The entire situation never warranted a response. I noticed that almost as quickly as I angered I calmed down. It was zero to ten and back again.

I understood quite quickly that this was not someone I had ever met, and that it was clear in the way they communicated I do not want to meet them. I am not trying to have negative, trashy people in my life. I don’t care what negative, trashy people say about me or mine because it’s all projection.

Emotional intelligence will change your entire life. I was in a funky mood yesterday, but the universe still sent me confirmation after confirmation. I came home and spent a bit of time with John. Had the most genuine moment of connection we’ve had in a while. He is so consistent, so safe.

When the scenario first happened I messaged Liz and told her I could tell Mars was in my 4th house because I was about to beat somebody up. When she replied I was already home and in a good space, but I laughed. I love the way she says things.

Her 12th house Pisces Mercury can go deep, and it falls in my 8th house. All her Mars ruled Aries in the first house can cut deep without ever coming out of character. I am grateful to have her in my life. She confirms who I am or reminds me without even trying. Just by being herself.

I was proud of how my daughter responded to the situation, but she shouldn’t have responded at all. She gave this woman dignity that she didn’t have for herself. But what happens in those moments is we take that person’s projected insecurity and allow it to trigger our own.

I had already talked with my daughter, and then I told her Liz’s response. Above all my daughter has to know who she is. Then she has to trust the tribe around her knows who she is, too. Lastly, leave the opinion of anyone outside of that alone. Healthy people don’t go around acting the way that woman did, and I have empathy for her.

In continuing the conversation we would only be feeding into her need to feel powerful in harmful and illegitimate ways. Real power doesn’t speak the way we were spoken to. And with that my heart hurts for that woman and the family members in question.

I am holding energetic space enough to wish them well. It has taken me so long to get this good at this. There is so much more acknowledgement and support for intentional living now than there used to be. I love the astrology and human design because you know they showed up.

I am meant to know what to do in the moment with the splenic authority. And like I said, I knew very quickly this wasn’t something worth investing time and energy into. The legacy I want to leave for my children has so much more to do with emotional intelligence and authentic connection, than it will ever have to do with anything else.

I want to start with the fact that I’m in the 2nd exact hit of my Uranus opposition. A time in my life where the universe is done playing with me. It’s time for me to step up. Look at that 5th house transiting Moon, suggesting I would be emotional over a child.

The Moon was sextile Pluto, suggesting this would come from a communication. It came through social media while I was at work. Uranus opposition between the 4th and 10th are disruptions and liberations having to do with family and home and career and public image.

There have been so many sudden things come at us lately. The Moon was conjunct my Neptune, suggesting I’d handle those emotions from a spiritual and higher perspective. It was sextile my Mars, suggesting someone triggering me in an open way, but the ability to handle it well.

It was sextile my Sun, suggesting others in my life would serve as helpful in the situation and they were. And she was trine my Lilith, which is the lesson that I choose what I waste or do not waste my time on. I choose what and who I dignify by whether or not I respond to it. That’s real power.

The Sun is my chart ruler and is transiting the 4th house. This suggests that I am learning new ways to be in home and family. The Sun transiting the 4th is approaching square to my natal Sun. This suggests tensions in relationships that cause me to question my identity.

Only it’s not negative. Obviously, the woman in question was negative, but the tension wasn’t for me. I’ve spent so much time intentionally sitting in my own discomfort in order to rob it of the power it had over me. There isn’t much I can’t work through on my own now, and when I need a reminder I have cultivated an uplifting, calm, supportive ass circle.

The Sun and Mars are getting ready to form a conjunction on top of my natal Uranus, and oppose transiting Uranus all at the same time. A two year reset on the actions we take as a family. A two year reset in emotional growth and intelligence.

Jupiter is transiting the house of public image, and is trine my 6th house Capricorn Venus. I don’t have to work hard to defend my public image. My private consistency proves itself. The way I act everyday, routinely, that is who I am, and I don’t need anyone else to acknowledge that truth.

This beautiful gift of Jupiter transiting my tenth house. For better or worse I am learning my public image doesn’t matter if the reason it matters isn’t rooted in my own integrity and intention. He may be trine my Venus, but he is square my Ascendant. Suggesting challenges to how I view my public image, and to make sure my actions are aligned with my words.

The North Node is in my Aries 9th house right now. I am meant to pursue the path of least resistance. By dignifying some things with a response I am still approaching it from a fear mindset, concerned I am still not good enough. I do not have time to waste on that.

It’s in my daughter’s chart, too. The most amazing thing happened to her, that made this even smaller potatoes. She is an artist and posted progress she’s made on a sunset ride on the local event boat in town. Those who run the boat’s social media commented on her photo and shared it with a lovely caption. And that’s where her attention should be right now.

The Aries North Node is in her 10th house. Right now she needs to be focused on her public image and coming at that from a peaceful place. She is getting the attention of powerful benefactors thanks to her effort to create and put herself out there. Carrying ourselves with class is just sound and good advice at all times honestly.

The Taurus Scorpio stuff is happening between her 5th and 11th houses. The Sun and Mars coming together in her 5th house suggested the desire to protect her son or her parenting, and that is what this was about. Even the Event boat noticing her art is fitting for the 5th and 11th axis.

It can also signal a two year cycle where her art and pleasurable skills are marketed more, as she changes the type of people she allows around her. Pluto is finishing up in her 7th house of partnerships, and ready to move into the 8th house of joining resources with powerful people.

A two year cycle in which she realizes she has nothing to prove about herself as a mother or an artist. She is ruled by the Moon and it was in her sixth house, along with Mercury, suggesting communication may upset her otherwise routine day.

I love that the Moon was trine her 2nd house Venus. This suggested the classy way she handled herself in response. It can show myself and Liz validating her, while reminding her to know who she is all by herself. It can be an example for her of the type of women she should have in her life.

She recently attended our first meeting of the Grand Rising Assembly and Sisterhood. We’re forming a group of empowered and supportive women to bring change to the world in whatever ways we can. It starts within, though. It begins with the being receptive, open, in the flow.

Venus transiting her 4th house of home and family was sextile Pluto in the 8th. This was a time for her to learn a new way to feel powerful. If you could have seen us ten years ago you would have never believed the progress we’ve made. And we know that. We don’t need others to.

If someone cannot control their emotions and temper they are not strong. That is the greatest weakness. If you cannot control and lead yourself you have zero business trying to control and lead children or anyone else. How can you lead others when you’re constantly lost in victimhood and rage?

Not only should you set healthy boundaries on emotional immaturity in others, but you shouldn’t even dignify it with a response. I don’t want revenge, so I’m not going to stalk her, or do anything out of character for me. She doesn’t control my mood. That’s an inside job I’m pretty good at now. It wasn’t always that way.

And when I used to be reactionary the last thing I needed was more judgment. But neither is it my job to save her or teach her any lessons. But now I get to use this real life example to explain how you handle emotional disruptions like that.

You do not dignify them with your energy and time. Someone’s rage at you is the first red flag that they have unhealed parts of themselves running the show. And you cannot fix that. It’s an inside job that you must leave up to them, which often means you walk away. Empathy is not enabling.

My daughter responded politely, and then posted it on her social media. My initial comment was let her come try something. Which I think would be many mother’s response. But then I realized that I don’t want to be known for egging on violence, or calling that into my life.

The small energy I wasted being upset was enough. So I told my daughter she should take the post down. That she knows herself, those who love her know her so well, and she didn’t need the external validation. Afterall, drama just invites a negative public image, when you’ve got the potential to join artistic circles, and envision a long-term plan.

I’m telling you all, no one, absolutely NO ONE, can make you feel inferior without your consent. And, even if you’re initially triggered that’s okay. You can decide or remember who you are in the middle of a meltdown. It all matters and it all counts. No one knows what it took to get you this far.

Y’all I am exhausted. I’ve been bleeding since October 3rd, and it feels like tears are being made to my uterus. I have an autoimmune disorder that causes aches and fatigue. I have spine issues, heel issues, feet issues, and my life just never stops. But it doesn’t matter. None of it controls my mood.

If it starts to feel like it is I am aware and take action to prevent it. Even if I don’t feel like it I take a bath, or sage and meditate, or just spend some time alone unwinding. I understand it’s my job to regulate my own emotions. That is the biggest accomplishment of my life. Having been on both sides I can tell you this side is the authentic power side.

I worked my 8 hours today and have to go back for a couple hours tonight to shampoo the carpets. The bleeding made that a problem last time, so I am hopeful doing less at a time will be sufficient. We all have so much going on. Please stop giving your power away to other people. Know your worth.

You should read this:

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Adjust Your Sails

You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors. ― Andrew Boyd