Energy Check-In
I am sitting here tonight in awe of my life. For those who know me in the off screen world thank you. Thank you for validating my authenticity, my integrity, my intelligence, my spirit, without me ever having to ask you, let alone beg. Thank you to past versions of me, too.
The versions of me so broken, so wanting to give up, not knowing where to even start. Once I started absorbing information I was so overwhelmed. But I was never more anxiously attached to anyone than I was my kids, and I knew they were watching me. I didn’t want to teach them how to settle, or to give up, or to waste their potential.
I didn’t want them to grow up and feel as conflicted about me as I did my own mother. I wanted to be anyone but her. And one day my daughter told me she was gonna be such a better mom than me, and she was right. Today we are so close. She credits me for the cycles I’ve broken.
I’m the reason she understands when she is triggered, so she can ask herself why, rather than lash out and make someone else responsible for her emotions. I take accountability in words and action because that’s integrity. One without the other will never be enough.
I will tell you and show you.
Anxious attachment comes from fear of abandonment, and I was terrified if I continued down the path I was on my children would hate me forever. I could not fathom that life. So I did the work. And I had to learn that it doesn’t matter who else ever gives me credit, even my kids, I have to own the credit I deserve for the changes I’ve made in my life.
Recently I went through a period of time when I thought my daughter would abandon me for what I view as not tolerating disruptions and disrespect. But I just kept showing up as who I say I am. Doing what I tell you I do to control and regulate my own nervous system.
And tonight it felt like the peace was finally coming back between us, as it always does. I love her and she knows it. The funny thing is several years ago we were having a deep conversation about attachment styles. I told her at that time I think the only thing I may not get over is if one of my kids abandoned me. And she is so wise.
She said to me, “Mom, you’ve taught us that no matter what we have to be okay, and so even if one of us did leave you out of our life, you would have to be okay. You’ve done the growing and changing. It has to be enough for you.”
I changed my entire life to make sure my kids knew they were loved and would never abandon me. And in the end, I realized I have no control over that, and she was right. The secret to getting through life is to convince yourself to respond to harshness with quiet strength. It’s surrender.
It’s to recognize that so much is out of your control and that’s okay. There are things we can control, like ourselves, our emotions, our behaviors, who we hang around, and our focus should be there. And it’s so much easier than you think once you do it enough.
The next few days have some lovely astrology and I want to talk about it. Today, January 27th, the Sun at six Aquarius squared Jupiter at six Taurus. The Sun in Aquarius is getting your spirit to identify with interdependence. Jupiter in Taurus is ethical resourcing, expanding safety, security, and abundance, but this is a square.
So the tension is wrapping your mind around a different view of abundance. Today I received a service I needed, a haircut. And in return I gave her a service she needed, a transit reading. We both got something we needed without spending a dime. Just some time we actually enjoyed.
At work I have a friend who is a massage therapist. She does reiki and energy work for me. We’re going to do trades. She will perform energy work and I will read her transits. Aquarius is a new way to connect in society as they turn it more and more dystopian.
It’s time to release the hustle, the grind, the selling of your time and labor to make other people rich. The energy right now is ripe for you to use your gifts and talents to make a living. And Uranus stationed direct today, too. Uranus in Taurus is massive change and liberation in the material world.
Pluto is in Aquarius now. The secrets were exposed in Capricorn. The answers are now found in the ways we connect to society and other people in it. They have everyone so busy competing while they collaborate behind closed doors. All we have is each other.
The matrix will continue being exposed. Instead of a government and overall exposure, we are moving into individual names being revealed in Aquarius. That’s why Epstein’s list came out. We understand the rot at the top, but now we’re really going to see who is behind it.
Mercury is at 17 Capricorn exactly conjunct Mars. This is about taking all the talk and putting it into action. Mercury in Capricorn is us thinking and talking about the structures in our lives. It’s us being honest about what we want and how we get it. And how we get is aligning with it.
Mars is exalted here, so it can be very patriarchal. I think Mercury conjunct Mars collectively we could see some theme emerge or be exposed there. But in our personal lives it’s about our own energy and time, and how we’re spending it. Mars is direct action. Mercury is thoughts and communication.
This is powerful energy. A time when authentic and vulnerable interaction can create the next level of your life. Tomorrow we have Mercury at 19 Capricorn trine Uranus, now direct, at 19 Taurus. Ease and breakthroughs for the mental plane of existence.
This could be exciting news and conversation. Also Venus at six Capricorn is sextile Saturn at six Pisces. This is commitment to relationships, to contracts, to projects, to lifestyles. Saturn in Pisces is about building the inner discipline to attract the outer life.
It’s about realizing that you have to be committed as much to the energetic and inner work as you are to the hustle and grind. To sitting in gratitude, joy, pleasure, and attraction. The foundation IS the energetic work you do or do not do.
What habits and rituals do you need to be more consistent with in order to build inner peace and discipline? Because on Monday, Venus at six Capricorn trines Jupiter at six Taurus. Both benefics speaking in the most harmonious aspect they can.
Venus in Capricorn wants earthly, sensual, deep and powerful energy that feels rooted and grounded. She takes her relationships seriously, and is committed to pleasure and legacy. Jupiter in Taurus is ready to expand the material resources in your life, so that you can live a more pleasurable existence.
So are you committed above all to your higher self? Are you spending time networking with the higher version of you, and implementing what you learn? Because Jupiter and Saturn wont perfect their sextile, but it’s there. Later they will be in square. Jupiter is showing you that you will expand your material world, by maturing your inner world (Saturn in Pisces).
So whatever you do moving forward there are expansive lessons. This energy is powerful enough to change and altar your entire material world for the better. We are being pushed to use our talents and gifts to sustain us. And we’re going to learn how valuable those are over everything.
Next Saturday we are hosting a benefit for John. He is feeling much better, but still unable to work. The amount of love and support in our lives has absolutely astounded me. We are both so grateful. And the conversations we’ve been having are deep and powerful.
In fact, we realized we both lost a mutual friend the other day. We don’t know who it is, but we didn’t really put much thought into it. It’s easy to start wondering what you did, but we probably didn’t do anything wrong. And we lost one friend, while dozens of people, friends, family, even strangers, have stepped up to help us with this benefit.
We will be just shy of being completely caught up with the mortgage if the benefit goes as good as I know it will. If any of you who cannot be there with us would like to invest in a good cause we have a Go Fund Me, Cashapp, Venmo, and Chime. ❤
Cashapp: $Kdoxsie
Chime: $Katrina-Doxsie
Venmo: @Katrina213
Namaste! ❤
