Member-only story
Maybe free will isn’t what we think it is. The brain is a computer that people and circumstances in our life program; often unintentionally. And until there is a reboot, an awareness, an upgrade, we just go about life instincturally reacting to old programming.
Our emotions are a sign that we should pay attention. But we spend so much time trying to avoid the uncomfortable ones.
Let’s talk about it…
From the day I was born I was given the message that I was a burden, a bother, an undeserving slave to the whims of other people. I was taught I was responsible for their emotions, and not allowed to express my own.
I thought I had to earn the love, attention, and affection I wanted and desired. That it somehow existed outside of myself. In the spiritual community there is a lot of emphasis put on divine union, but the goal of any union is reconciliation with the self.
I thought I had such a big heart, and everyone was just taking advantage of it. Of course they were, but the truth is I didn’t give and do out of love when I was those versions of myself. I did it for recognition, for attention, for love, because all I ever saw was women beg for that my entire life.
It is not the sign of a big heart that you overgive and go hard for people. It’s a sign that you have low self-esteem and a lack of boundaries. I will fix myself if I am the problem, but sometimes I’ll need to protect myself when I am not. I cannot control other people’s patterns; just notice them.
As I was writing this I felt so much tension rise up in my body. I stopped and took a few deep breaths. I pressed my fingertips into my shoulders and pushed and rubbed on both sides until I yawned. I did some vagus nerve stretching. I feel like deeply rooted things released in those yawns.
I did some stretches and conversing with my higher self. Understand I made huge changes in my life as we ended the last year. And what I am being asked to step into…
