Discipline and Purpose

I saw this image on Facebook. There was no credit to offer, otherwise I would have linked it below the photo per usual. It just summed up how I felt today. Like a being burdened by material reality, who just wants to be lost in spiritual bliss if I can’t make it alright, fix it all, save everyone.

No one knows me better than I know myself. Every day that is the mantra I remember during moments of imposter syndrome, shame, guilt, overthinking, anxiety, and any other shadow trait that rears its head. I deserve every good thing reaching out to me. I’m reaching back.

It doesn’t mean it’s easy. Quite the contrary, actually. Embracing the role I play in achieving my own abundance and blessings has not been easy. Accepting my childhood, my trauma, my mindset, my responsibility to heal, my ability to discipline myself, to seek and walk in purpose, none of that is ever easy. But neither is doing the opposite.

My life, even before I left my abusive ex-husband, has been a consistent, steady pace of growth. What I’ve realized is if I were given everything I want all at once I could not handle it. My anxiety, my imposter syndrome, all the things I previously mentioned would not be manageable. Getting my first car almost did me in at age 44.

I had done so much growing and changing prior to leaving my ex. Of course I had goals and dreams when…