Cultivating Presence
This year has forced me to become more present with myself. My life today, as we approach the end of this year, looks so drastically different. I went into this year in a relationship I no longer have. One that for two years was the definition of a healthy relationship.
It was difficult for me to swallow I had been deceived that long, but difficult never stopped me from doing anything. I realized the emotional and mental safety he pretended to create was never really there. Then the day came where the physical safety had to be questioned.
Prior to that day I had a six month plan to leave, and make sure when I did that he would be okay financially. But the moment he stripped me of physical safety I could no longer worry about his material safety. My children’s father helped me with the money to move quickly.
In February my children’s father, who was absent their whole lives, started coming to our state to visit. He moved to Florida all those years ago, and was coming back to Michigan for a funeral. He had been trying to get the kids in his life for years, but they hadn’t wanted to engage with him.
One of our daughters had been engaging over text and phone for some time before this, but the other two kids had not. I convinced my other daughter to go and meet him. Since then he has been a consistent, supportive, loving, amazing addition to their lives and mine.
He has helped me in ways that I cannot describe. Our oldest son is 27 and has autism, sensory processing disorder, and an impaired working memory. Prior to his dad coming into the picture I had already worked with him and brought him a long way, but having his dad accelerated it.
He now has his first job. And his dad and I are very different in many ways. Trying to co-parent isn’t hard because we both love the kids and want what is best for them. However, we are very different in our political leanings, and he has broken every stereotype I’ve ever had.
He is alone for Thanksgiving, so we’re going to drive down and celebrate with him. I didn’t drive until I was 44 years old. May 20, 2023 I got my license for the first time. I had been manifesting learning how to drive for so long, and it finally arrived. I felt like an imposter.
Now here I am driving across the whole country in just two days. This experience is going to be everything. My daughter is currently learning how to drive, thankfully twenty years younger than I did. And we talked about this yesterday.
How excited I am to have this new milestone. And she said she can’t wait until she can do it, too. She is why I do everything I do. Our children are the reason I conquer every fear, and don’t back down from what is difficult. They are watching me and I am their example as long as I live.
I want to teach them how to be present and listen to their body. So I rest when I need to rest. I don’t practice over-burdening myself to show them that’s how you gain your worth and recognition. I want them to know their worth and recognize themselves.
What an interesting turn of events. And as quickly as I wish things would go I know that in my haste I’m not being grateful for how far they’ve already come. For how much beautiful change has already taken place.
In two days I am taking a couple of my kids and my grandson on a sixteen hour drive to see someone they’ve come to love so much. To show him that he matters, too, and we aren’t going to invite him into our lives, and then make him pay forever for something he already beats himself up for every single day of his life. That isn’t how we operate.
Oh, Aries ninth house. So much has been happening there for me. And here I am expanding in ways I never saw coming. Creating safe spaces for people who believe wildly different things than I do, and learning from them. Genuinely desiring to understand their point of view.
This helps me approach them with the same nurturing, care, and consideration I claim we should all have access to. It’s not easy. But removing my bias and offense is the only way to create a bridge that can get others to see their own, and remove the film from their eyes.
I don’t know where the path leads next, and I guess that’s why I am titling this cultivating presence. I have two new mottos moving forward. The first is the law of assumption. If someone I know and love has consistent good character, I refuse to believe any disagreement is coming from malice.
The second is taking care of today let’s tomorrow take care of itself. That’s the secret to flow. Understanding the past and future have no real influence on what you do in the present, unless you allow it. And what you do right now, in this moment, is what creates the future.
The future is always out there. So I’m learning I don’t need promises of forever that can’t be made with real integrity. Just help me take care of today, and tomorrow cares for itself. Let’s do what we can today and tomorrow do what we can then. Let’s live in the present with presence.
Since moving to this new apartment things have been wildly chaotic. And I’m still not quite coming into my own here. If I’m being honest it’s felt so temporary since I got here on October 4th. The day Saturn exactly opposed my natal Moon. When I tell you the Saturn opposition to the Moon and Saturn in my chart has been a wild ride I tell you no lies.
I don’t know where I’m going from here, but it feels like I’m going sooner than anyone would ever believe. So watch this space, as always.
There is a written reading one of my return clients has been waiting on for some time. I haven’t had a chance to complete it. So I am not taking on any more written readings, as they take up far more time and space than I have to offer at this time. However, if you’d like to do a Google Meet let’s talk!
We can spend an hour going over your transits and what is happening in your chart. You can ask all the questions you’d like. Cost is a minimum donation of $50 and if you feel you received more value than that any additional compensation is appreciated.
This will be for the month of December. I will not be back from my trip until December 2nd. So all readings will have to be scheduled then, and payment made at least an hour prior to the reading time.
Stay tuned for the weekly astrology update soon! ❤
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