Compatibility VS Suitability
Today feels different. Maybe it’s because right now the Moon is opposite my natal first house Jupiter, preparing to grow fertile with soil. We have a New Moon in my 7th house, Aquarius, tomorrow. That’s the partnership and relationship house, of which is a big part of my purpose here on Earth.
Transit Venus has been trine my natal Saturn in the 2nd house for some time now. Relationships, what they mean, the responsibility of them, has been heavy on my mind. Especially because my boyfriend has been talking marriage, my children are being set up to fly and use their wings, my relationships are evolving right now in such huge ways.
There are moments I doubt myself. Even though I know I am responsible for myself I don’t always feel like being responsible. Yet, I know that if I fail to be responsible to me I will never be truly responsible for others. That I will stop investing in me and cater to them, neither of us growing anywhere.
A great example of this is how my twins always felt they had more expectations than my other two children. My oldest has special needs and my youngest was the youngest. So, it was easier for me to ask the twins for help since it didn’t take as much effort to teach my oldest, and the youngest was always “too little”. That wasn’t responsible of me.
Before all this sixth house energy I was only really aware of my mindset and the foundation of good mental health. I hadn’t considered my physical state much. But without proper sleep, eating right, taking care of my physical health I was not a responsible mother either.
I would miss the time frame to make important calls. I failed to motivate my children to do more and better. To truly teach and guide the way I am meant to. This foundation of personal responsibility is the most important.
Now that I’m doing better with that area I’ve made the calls, I am ready to motivate, to teach and guide. It’s my responsibility to do so, but how could I without modeling it first? Without setting that example?
Part of having a healthy relationship with yourself involves being responsible for yourself. This means controlling and recognizing your triggers. Being able to be vulnerable in conversation about them with the other person. Understanding their triggers and growing together in self-awareness. It’s taking care of your mind, body, and spirit.
Whether it’s our children, our parents, our siblings, our friends, or our romantic partner, we cannot be truly responsible for them at all. They have to choose to see their own potential and take the responsibility of it seriously. So all that time we invest in them, and we fail to invest in ourselves, is wasted. We could have been setting good examples and setting healthy boundaries.
We each need to take care of our own bodies, our own minds, our own spirits. Then we can align with others who do the same. It doesn’t require perfection. It doesn’t require you to wear this mask that hides the real you away. It requires authenticity. Showing up as yourself.
So I have apologized to my twins for ever making them feel they had to somehow earn my love by working harder than my other two children. I have dealt with the shame of it. I have apologized to my other two for failing in my responsibility to myself, and thus failing them. I have not only taken accountability, but I am taking actions to prove the change.
When I was recently triggered in my relationship I reacted rather than responding appropriately. I don’t do this often anymore, but I am human. My partner did not take me personal. He understood what was happening. He came to me and we had an open and vulnerable conversation.
I was able to take accountability for my actions, and gain some self-awareness for the next time this may happen. Rather than react I will respond with asking a question or having a conversation. My reaction that night was over-the-top for something that turned out to be nothing.
Self-awareness feels like a curse some days if I’m being real with you. However, most days I view it as a blessing. I definitely would not want to be walking around with none the way I used to. It’s like everything I ever dreamed has real rooted and grounded possibility now, and it’s scary.
I know myself incredibly well and that has empowered me. I have come to this place of self-acceptance, and using the correct definition I feel invincible. I know for a fact nothing anyone else ever does to hurt me will succeed. That if I get knocked down I will get back up every time.
I am aware that there is always potential for pain and harm, but also aware of my capability to survive it. I’ve become too powerful to defeat long-term. The definition of invincible is “too powerful to defeat or overcome”. However, just because this is true doesn’t mean I am fearless.
One of the truest quotes that everyone throws around is about how courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s moving forward in spite of it. And that’s what I’ve always done. It used to take me longer to get up when I would fall, but I always got back up. I was determined to figure life out.
Do it afraid. Trust your intuition and the unknown. Face your shame and insecurity head on. If you don’t it remains an elephant in the room that everyone sees, and never speaks about. Own who you are. If you need help or therapy to do that I encourage you to do so.
I had to face my children’s lived experiences honestly, not deny them via my own shame. I had to take full responsibility for that shame, and vow to do better. Because I have done this out loud and consistently I am blessed to have my grown children in my life. Blessed to watch them transform and grow.
Stop talking about your trauma over and over. Whether to friends, a partner, or a therapist. That sort of talk “therapy” is useless. It only reminds you over and over that you’re a victim, and it keeps you in that victim mindset. Your body is keeping the score. Emotions and triggers affect you physically.
It is those moments you can use self-awareness to your advantage. Where you can remind yourself “I was a victim and my feelings about that are valid.” But, it’s also a great time to remind yourself “It wasn’t as personal as it felt, and while my feelings are valid, my reactions may not be”.
Compatibility isn’t everything, not even in astrology. What if that compatibility is nothing more than a shared brokenness? You find yourself trapped in situations because you entered them with a compatible wound, and once one of you heals that wound everything changes.
Your preferences change as you heal. Just as an example, the woman I am today would never look twice at the men I dated in the past. Let alone beg them to accept and love me. They were once everything I thought I wanted, but I didn’t know what I wanted. Only what I was told I should want.
Compatibility is nothing on its own. Maybe the person you’re with is compatible with your broken, rock bottom, victimhood, but isn’t capable of watching you rise. You want someone there for you in the season of your struggle, but can they also handle your season of success?
Are you truly compatible OR do you share similar dysfunction? Do you just share trauma over similar wounds, and find temporary validation in one another? Are you afraid to heal because you know that if you do that compatibility you bragged about is no longer there?
Just because you heal doesn’t mean they will. When you heal you have removed what the two of you had in common. Your success will threaten them. They will struggle to not take it personal. They will try and convince you that your potential isn’t there yet. To keep you small with them.
It has very little to do with you. You have to be so whole and secure in yourself that you can embrace your wings, even if they’re still crawling on the ground. It’s not your duty to save them.
The two of you likely tried to find salvation in each other, and that sort of toxic energy can be addictive. But so can healing and loving yourself. So can the feeling of empowering yourself through facing your fears and doing what you know in your heart and soul is for YOUR higher good.
You have nothing to feel guilty for if you outgrow someone else. We are all on our own journey. Maybe they were meant to get you through a time in your life, and now you’re ready to move on to the next level. They will reach their next level in their timing, not yours. That’s so hard for us to accept, but true.
If you know yourself, if you’re on the healing journey, if you are taking the assignment of life seriously, you need someone who suits you. Not someone you’re “compatible” with based on superficial shit and trauma. Someone who can understand your trauma because they understand their own. Someone who is ready to grow away from allowing trauma to control their choices.
Because listen to me, anyone who doesn’t compliment your growth, who tries to hold you back, who feels too heavy to carry, isn’t meant for this chapter of your life. You have a responsibility to YOURSELF first. If you keep selling that trying to be responsible for them you both waste your potential.
When you get a gift from the universe in another person I promise you won’t be compromising your mental health for it. We should never have to exchange our mental health, our dreams and goals, to keep anything worth having. If you’re exhausted, tired, fed up, ready to give up hear this:
“Maybe you’re so exhausted because you’re breastfeeding toxicity in order to maintain an image of being happy, over the very thing that you told everybody was a blessing.” ~a man on a TikTok video
We often try to convince ourselves the good times outweigh the bad when they do not. We have a million reasons to move on, and yet we cling to the search for one reason to stay. It’s not selfish to leave. It’s difficult only until you do it, and then it’s the best thing in the world. It’s so freeing.
I am grateful I left. If I had not learned about my responsibility to self I never would have done it. If I had not been determined to become a good mother and example for my children I never would have done it. I wouldn’t be with this confident, loving, kind, respectful, generous man today.
No, I don’t care what my ex is doing. He used to threaten to kill himself if I were to leave, and over five years later he is still alive. Most people will say and do anything to maintain control over you. They will beat you down until you doubt yourself too much to take a risk on your dreams. A person who is “meant for you” is not ever going to do that. I promise you.
It’s time to be responsible for your life. For your own happiness and joy. For your own triggers and wounds. It’s time to be responsible for your mental health, and stop exchanging more of it for crumbs and empty promises from people who stretch you to your limits over and over again.
Be honest, are the people in your life compatible because you share unhealed trauma? Or are the people in your life suitable to the purpose and intention you live your life with? Are the people around you feeding your victimhood or your victory? Will you keep handing your power over so easily? Or will you start making more self-empowered choices?
The ball is always in your court. You can keep trying to toss it into other people’s court and waiting on them, but ultimately it’s always at your feet. You can pick it up and dribble, or exhaust yourself juggling everyone else’s balls.
It’s YOUR choice.
This New Moon in Aquarius falls somewhere in your chart. What house is it? What type of relationships and connections live there? Aquarius can be very fixed and rigid. Is there something you need to release in order to pave the way for a new beginning there?
This is about the difference between being codependent versus interdependent. We all need people. The problem is not that need. It’s how we go about getting what we need or denying that need that is the problem.
It is people not taking responsibility for themselves, and too much for everyone else that is the problem.
Namaste ❤
For those who ask here are the tip jars. They are never ever expected, but I appreciate your support. Even your comments and shares mean a lot to me. I hope any kindness you bestow upon me returns a hundredfold. ❤
