Compassion is such a beautiful thing. Like most beautiful things it can cause us great pain. Much of the time we aren’t aware that we can choose something other than that pain, but we can. We can choose to go within and have a conversation with our higher self and even the higher selves of those who hurt us. Your closure is always within.
It will never matter how many times another person comes to speak with you and tries to explain themselves. If they knew why they were hurting you they would seek to correct it and stop. They may wish they could do that more than you do. They have no clue how to change and are afraid.
We can only love from the level of healing we have given ourselves, and we cannot be healed by others. It’s ALL an inside job. We cannot allow our own pain to be fed and expect it not to grow.
We have to stop bonding over our trauma or pretending it does not exist. We all have it in some form or another. The only thing we can do is admit it, feel it, understand it, and let it go. Use it for growth and evolution. Don’t let it go to waste. A cycle can stop with a choice you make right now.
A higher self-understanding can enable forgiveness, and when you stand in your power, and know your worth you set a boundary in love. You still care about this person and you know what they did wasn’t because you deserved the hurt it caused, but instead was because of unhealed hurt within them.
Compassion is the understanding, but beyond that you’re living in fear of losing what lives inside always; no matter who comes and goes. Get comfortable being uncomfortable by remembering when the feeling comes it’s okay. That if you ride it out in your higher self-perspective, you will feel joy again soon.
Don’t feed the fear, shame, and intimidation of self. Nurture your feelings from negative to positive. In the beginning of my journey I would even talk to myself in the mirror, as crazy as it may sound to others. I was working through so much guilt and shame that a few times it almost won. I had to do whatever worked and that worked for me.
The day comes when you can truly forgive them, set them free without drama. You realize you had a choice the whole time. You can choose to see the truth of trauma, shame, and pain and how that affects us as we grow. You can choose to deal with yours in ways we know are effective in helping you overcome and evolve.
Or, you can choose to keep lying to yourself, seeking love outside of self, and drowning in the pain.
The next time someone hurts you recognize the feeling and don’t immediately get angry or seek to push it away. Sit with it and ask yourself why this person has hurt you. Chances are you know their history and past, but even if you don’t, it’s safe to assume they’ve had trauma and shame in their lives.
This reminds you that the pain is not personal. We all project sometimes. Once you’re comfortable you move on from there. Don’t allow the times you’ve projected in the past to pop up unchecked because that doesn’t matter. You’re forgiving yourself for those because you didn’t know better, but now you do. You do not owe anyone anything but yourself.
You decide to have a talk with the person, and you tell them they are no longer allowed to treat you the way they do. That if it continues you will no longer stay around for it, but that you will always love them and know that they have loved you the best they could.
And, if they hurt you again keep your word. Don’t leave with resentment because they really did love you the best they could at the time.
Real love is a balance of soft and hard. It’s not authoritarian and demanding. It’s not needy and clingy. It’s not jealous or mean. It’s not allowing people to hurt us and steal our life force because they’re afraid of their own. If I truly love you, I’m going to let you go when you want to go, or even when you don’t if you can’t stop causing me pain.
I am not an incubator for souls who refuse to grow. I need the space for the souls ready to take charge. The pain I experienced in my life was never personal and I’m lucky that some of those relationships are better today than ever. Some of them had to be let go, and that’s okay, too.
Better things surround me as I continue this journey. Each year I seem to learn more about myself as I continue going within and learning who I am. Sometimes what we think we want is too small for our souls, and it knows. Stop keeping your soul small by deceiving yourself.
Nothing is as personal as it feels. We are all here simply to learn lessons and prove that unconditional love conquers all. Not the type of love we spend most of our lives chasing. That is love’s opposite; fear. “If I lose this person no one else will ever love me.” It’s all about the self, what can fill you up, and how another person makes you feel.
Forgiving them over and over isn’t compassion. That’s enabling bad behavior and teaching them that behavior is okay. It doesn’t matter what we say, it matters what we do. It begins when we are children, and our parents do not ever mean to hurt us. For much of society we have been taught to suppress and hide in shame.
Your parents love you. It’s themselves they were taught to hate. What we feel inside is what we project onto the outside world. That’s true for all of us. You can’t expect your human parents to be anything other than human.
Of course, if they are still toxic or abusive you must set healthy boundaries, but you will know they loved you the best they could for the level of healing they allowed themselves. It was never you who was lacking.
Everyone who reads this will know I just spoke truth. Now, the choice is will you walk away believing and repeating these truths to yourself? Will you re-program your own brain on purpose? Allow yourself to really feel a broken heart, so you can start connecting with your soul? It’s a choice.
I’m inviting you to make the right one.
The universe isn’t judging you and it never matters what others think. Even if everyone told you that you were perfect every day you wouldn’t believe it. Not unless you convinced yourself that were true. You are the universe experiencing itself in a unique and conscious way. You are neither good nor bad. You are the awareness that bad and good even exists.
Practice living there.
I know it’s uncomfortable and it’s taken me so long to be able to do it, but I promise you it’s worth it. The only freedom you will ever know is the one found in being accountable to your own soul. The only unconditional love you will truly feel is unconditional love of self. In embracing emotions and experiences as waves you can ride with intention.
Compassion does not hurt. Compassion helps you understand that the initial pain you felt was in response to hurt and unhealed things within you. It teaches you that when others hurt you it’s from their own unhealed issues. I have compassion you could swim in for days, but that just means I have understanding. I may have to love you from a distance.
Take responsibility for your healing. If you have children this is crucial. You have likely hurt your children and you would give anything to take that back. If you allow the shame and guilt to be avoided they will only grow. You will continue hurting them because of how badly you hurt within.
The only way you can change it is by the behavior you model. They will never listen to what you say, they are watching what you do, and internalizing that in one way or another. You are not bad or undeserving and if you don’t start believing those things your children will believe it of themselves.
Break that cycle. Now is the time to be honest with yourself and stop living in the lies. Let the veil be lifted and see the human experience for what it is. You are creating your own reality with every thought you allow to grow unchecked. The thoughts you have aren’t good or bad, its what you choose to do with them. Notice them and change them.
You are strong enough to carry the weight of the universe because you are the universe. The trust you need doesn’t live inside other people. The trust you need is in yourself. Trust yourself to remember that nothing is as personal as it feels, and that you deserve real love.
That you will be okay no matter what another person does to you because your compassion will pull you through, and your sense of self will set a boundary. You will learn to live in that uncomfortable space in the beginning of negative experiences, and over time it will be less uncomfortable.
Stop avoiding the conflict within by staying in situations of conflict externally. It’s not healthy for you, your children, or anyone else. Have the hard conversations, set the right boundaries, and take it one moment at a time. Get to know your intuition and soul. It will guide you always.
Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. You can remember that when you’re feeling anxious or fearful. “What am I truly afraid of? How can I work through this and find my courage?” It’s all in what you do when the fear shows up. Fear is at the root of so many things, dig it all up and be brave.