Coming Home: Mars returns to Cancer

Coming home to myself is an ongoing process, and I am navigating the understanding of what that even means. Because if home was never a safe space neither is the inside of your mind. And when difficult emotions and triggers arrive in your life, you tremble, terrified of what feels like a constantly brewing storm.

Eggshells are so hard to remove from your feet.

And how do you become your own shelter when all you’ve ever known is uncertainty and pain? But you need to learn how to be at home in yourself the most when you feel it the least. Wanting someone else to rush in and hold you close, to distract you from yourself, is understandable, but the most unproductive use of the energy.

Other people can love and support you, but they cannot save you. When you’re unhappy with yourself you project the responsibility onto others to make you feel happy again. You hope someone else will come along and tell you that you’re perfect as you are.

That all your flaws and shortcomings will melt away with someone else, when you know as soon as that someone else leaves the inadequacies you refuse to accept and evolve are still there. And sometimes you project that onto the people who love you, and sabotage your connections.

The hardest thing I ever did in my life was sit in my own shit. No one else was holding my hand. But the more I did it, the easier it got. And my mindset today is so much stronger than I understood was possible for me. The beautiful part is that now that I am responsible for my own peace and happiness I allow others space to pursue theirs.

This allows space for connections to flourish. It’s not that I am never triggered or uneasy. It’s that I’ve expanded my tolerance for feeling uncomfortable, and for working through it, and finding my way back to ease and comfort. I don’t hold myself to impossible standards, but just a standard of basic integrity that I believe in.

Integrity doesn’t mean you’re perfect. It means you take accountability when you’re not. This doesn’t mean you apologize and continue the behavior. It means you sit and get to the root of why you did what you did, have empathy for yourself, and work through the shame. That’s the only way to ensure changed behavior follows the apology.

Last night I had this conversation about a Baptist preacher I once knew. My children’s father and I only had our oldest son, and we were living with his very religious father, who forced us into separate rooms, to go to church, and to listen to him read the bible at night.

They shamed me for wearing slacks and not dresses. I was made to go to the thrift store and buy dresses for church. My preference was a nice pair of slacks and sweaters. My preference did not matter.

They wanted us to get married, so we began counseling sessions with the Pastor. During one session he asked Chris to leave the room, and he touched my thigh. I was eighteen years old and he was probably in his 60’s. He was coming on to me and wanting sexual favors.

When I told my son’s grandfather this he told me I must have misunderstood. That this Pastor was a good man, and I was to let this go. So I did externally, but internally it ate me alive. Years later I was given an apology because fourteen other women had come forward.

And last night as I’m having this conversation the other person says that everyone loved that Pastor and thought of him as a good man, a man of God, as if that should somehow absolve them from thinking so little of me, as if my ethics and morals being questioned was okay, but not his.

I explained to this person that people often seek positions like Pastor because they know they will be trusted. At worst they go into it manipulating the situation to gain access to women and children from a position that no one questions.

And if it’s coming from a space of integrity it’s not about them never falling into sin. It’s about them being honest when they do, stepping down as they work through it, and building that honest rapport and trust with those they are claiming to lead. We lead by example or we are shit leaders.

But situations like that are one reason it’s hard for women to feel at home. We are not protected a lot of the time, by the same part of our species we are told will protect and provide for us. And yet we spend our lives apologizing for shit we shouldn’t be sorry for.

It takes years to unlearn that.

And this is what Mars Rx moving back into Cancer has on my mind. Cancer represents softness, protection, emotional safety, and nurturing. On the shadow side it’s manipulative, guilt-trippy, and passive aggressive. The reason Mars is considered in fall in Cancer is because Mars isn’t passive.

You’re talking about a planet that rules the boldest sign there is. And you’re sticking him in an energy that would rather retreat and sulk than to take action to overcome. There isn’t a lot of fight in Cancer, and Mars likes a good fighting spirit to get behind. So now we’re uncomfortable.

You are being asked to go within. To look back at your family history and cycles that have been passed down generations. To understand none of it was personal, and that you can release it now. Sometimes the best action to take is no action, but that is so uncomfortable.

Listen to me, you’re never going to live the life you desire trying to make everyone else responsible for how you feel. You’re never going to have a healthy relationship with others if you haven’t learned how to navigate discomfort within yourself. Because triggers in relationships are a thing.

They are there to get you to see things in yourself that push you to sabotage the very life you say you desire. And here we are. I told you Capricorn season and this last New Moon in Capricorn was about us recognizing the foundation is non-action. It is flow and surrender.

Saturn rules Capricorn from his station in Pisces. Where he has been showing us that the structure we need is around our belief system. If we want to build something lasting we have to believe we deserve it, and that we have the potential to bring it to fruition.

It’s a feminine sign, Capricorn, which means the foundation of everything has to be love. It has to be nurturing. It has to be supporting and believing in ourselves. It has to be self-care and self-understanding. Because if everything you build crumbles, you are the foundation. It’s much easier to rebuild from that space than any other.

And here we are with the planet of action going Rx in Leo, and moving back into Cancer. Asking us first to reflect on what feels authentic to us, and whether or not we are leading ourselves from the heart. And we have that answer by now. It’s time to learn what is holding us back.

Why won’t you let your most vulnerable self be seen?

It’s the only way you will ever truly feel loved and accepted by others. Learning how to be at home with yourself means you won’t allow your inability to handle discomfort become a projection of a warped reality. You won’t question the character and intentions of others and sabotage things.

There is such pride placed on hard work and hustle. On making moves. But so little is talked about how important it is to go within. To retreat into yourself and discover who you are and what you want. So many people hustling to get somewhere that isn’t even clearly defined for them.

The slow down, the in-between, the flow is a necessary and vital component to manifesting the life of your dreams. I was gifted some beautiful things by Liz for Christmas. One of the gifts is a book by Jen Sincero titled You Are a Badass at Making Money.

She says, “The walls of your comfort zone are lovingly decorated with your lifelong collection of favorite excuses.” That shit his so hard when I read it. Cancer represents the home and family. And for many centuries it was more important what others thought of your home and family than it was to actually invest in your home and family.

My love language involves creating safe spaces for people to take off their armor, let down their walls, and be themselves. But in becoming that for so many others I was recognizing where I was failing to let down my own armor, release my own walls, and be myself.

In September of last year all of that changed. I began to open up naturally and easily. I started coming out of my shell and blossoming. It’s like years of tending to intentional seeds had suddenly paid off. And I could see the buds and blooms sprouting up everywhere.

Mars in Leo was asking us to check in with your heart and what we desire most. Mars in Cancer is asking us to visualize it and flow through the wounds and triggers that arise, so we don’t get stuck there. To desire it so deeply we feel like we already have it.

In the Mars Rx blog I wrote previously I separated Mars’ journey into phases. I want to re-share the current one here. It’s my greatest wish that you will make good use of this energy instead of rushing it away because it doesn’t feel good. Life isn’t always about feeling good.

And until we can accept and hold space for the discomfort it’s really difficult to hold space for the comfort and joy. So we settle for familiar, even if it’s not comfortable. Don’t do that.

Phase Three:

• January 6, 2025 through February 23, 2025 Mars re-enters Cancer & stations direct

Most of the first two months of 2025, we are still not ready to implement resolutions and new beginnings. We are covering old ground from a stronger center of self. Deepening our understanding of what real nurturing and emotional safety is. Fully integrating the lesson that no connection can be emotionally safe unless both partners reciprocate.

You’re revising the plan again. Stop getting frustrated with times of revision. They are a consistent part of this journey to wholeness. Use them and use them wisely.

Questions to ask yourself from January 6, 2025 through February 23, 2025:

1. What can I do internally to change the external?
2. How can I face my fear of letting go and trust the process?
3. How can you embrace your new experiences and figure out where you could make them even better? Life is a journey. Never stop evolving.

Dates to Note:

• 01/15/2025 Sun in Capricorn in close opposition to Mars Rx in Cancer

Confrontation time again. You’ve been revisiting the plan, and now you’re realizing where you’ve failed to allow yourself to be the foundation and structure. Where you have to rework something again.

• 01/21/2025 Mars Rx in Cancer in loose sextile to Uranus Rx in Taurus

Some assistance or breakthrough comes from the confrontation.

• 02/06/2025 Mars Rx in Cancer in loose 2nd trine to Saturn Rx in Pisces

Revisiting the actions you’re committed to. Themes from around the end of October.

• 02/23/2025 Mars stations direct

Things feel a bit easier. We do have a shadow period to get through, but overall the weight seems to be lifting. We’re likely working mostly behind the scenes. Preparing to take some sort of meaningful action.

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Phase Four:

• February 23, 2025 through April 18, 2025 Mars direct and into Leo

For most of this phase we are being given another chance. Mars will make the same aspects, offering us a new way to handle an old issue. Eventually he will re-enter Leo on April 18th, and covers some more old ground. First we are covering the internal ground of actions that we can take using emotional intelligence.

Then we cover the ground of how we can take those actions from a place of integrity and authenticity, rather than pride and ego, and create change in the real world. This requires bravery and honesty.

Questions to ask yourself February 23rd through April 18th:

1. Where have I increased my confidence in myself and my abilities?
2. Where do I still need to do some more work?
3. Have I created a plan to work through imposter syndrome, anxiety, and other things that stand in the way of me taking appropriate actions?
4. Where is who I am not aligned with who I want to be?

Dates to Note:

Honestly nothing really stands out. This is literally just covering the ground we’ve managed to till since this whole thing started on September 4, 2024.

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Phase Five:

• April 18th through June 20, 2025 Mars back in Leo and beyond

This entire period Mars will be in Leo. Once he moves past six degrees it’s all new territory. We are feeling bold, confident, aligned, and ready to pounce. Make sure that any action you take is not a compromise to the integral value system you possess. Do not be a pick me.

When we arrive to June 20, 2025 the story is well on its way to being written, as Mars moves into Virgo, where the cutting becomes detailed and precise. Revise, revise, revise. Because if you’re still tolerating less than you deserve that is still your fault.

Everything you want is on the other side of letting go.

If you’d like to exchange some good energy:

Cashapp: $Kdoxsie

Venmo: @Katrina213

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