Chasing Healing: Cloud 9

Adjust Your Sails
14 min readMay 25
A Pic I saw on Facebook. Not sure who to credit. If you know please comment!

As I scroll the home page of this site the titles jump out at me…

“The sneaky phrases toxic people use to manipulate you.”

“Childhood trauma teaches us what love is.”

“Ten more benefits of mindfulness practice.”

“The power of mindfulness: 10 ways to improve your mental well-being.”

And it got me thinking that sometimes we take our energy from one thing and put it into something else. That even healing and mindfulness can become an obsession that keeps us from the real work of embracing and accepting our duality. I will forever co-exist with my trauma and triggers.

My Scorpio 4th house shows that it’s home and family, it’s my emotional foundations, my connection to my parents, that I will hold onto. That I will become obsessed with. That I will transform in this lifetime. Where is Scorpio for you? The South Node has been there, and boy has it forced me to let go of so many things, including perceptions I held forever.

I have used mindfulness to absolutely change my life, and I swear by it. Studying human behavior, generational trauma, and psychology is what no doubt saved my life. But, it didn’t take the trauma away. It just taught me how to perceive and carry it differently. How to respond to it in a new way.

And there was a time when I really did think if I worked hard enough, meditated long enough, did all the things for all the right reasons, I would be healed. I would be free from the anxiety, the triggers, the trauma. And in some cases that is true. There are things that no longer trigger me that once did, but there are some triggers that will likely remain forever.

So, instead of chasing healing, which is a sign I am still not ready to sit in the discomfort of the trauma, I’ve decided to keep working on sitting in the discomfort. Because that’s what mindfulness is. The more safe I feel in my own discomfort, the more safe I can help others feel in theirs. Shadow work is when we start viewing the relationships around us as mirrors.

What are they reflecting back to us about what we are willing to tolerate? What does it say about how much we think we are worth? People pleasing and lacking boundaries is a trauma response. It’s not your big heart, in…

Adjust Your Sails

You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors. ― Andrew Boyd