Attachments

Why is it that we fear the things we want the most? Connection, belonging, love, joy, pleasure. These are things we all want, but when we get them we often sabotage it. We are all dealing with different attachment styles, but we are all attached to certain outcomes.

I think the first thing we need to remember is that nothing lasts forever. While your connections, belonging, love, joy, and pleasure don’t last forever, neither do your break ups, your loneliness, feelings of being unloved, depression, and displeasure. It’s all temporary and often within our control.

Even if you had the most amazing upbringing there are likely attachment styles at work in your life. The more trauma you have, the more attached you are to the traumatized version of self, the more attached you become to certain outcomes. Your victimhood become a self-fulfilling prophecy because you sabotage and choose it over everything.

Becoming self-aware of your trauma and tendencies to self-sabotage is the first step. No need to shame yourself over them, as they are just fears of rejection and abandonment that our inner child struggles with. Shame will not heal your inner child. If it could it would have worked by now.

We need self-acceptance. When you are feeling unloved, lonely, depressed, sad, anxious you need to accept that, too. You will never ever live a life free from the…