All In Time: Astrocartography

This week has been so incredibly hard and transformative for me. The picture above came across my feed and I want to talk about this. One of the things I’ve had to work hard at is allowing people space. When something is wrong I want to deal with it right now. I don’t want to leave space for you to consider abandoning me and leaving me alone again. I’ve always felt so alone.

In my first marriage he ignored me a lot. He would refuse to talk now or later, and often fall asleep while I was sobbing beside him. Even after I started carrying myself with self-respect, and tried to be vulnerable, stopped taking him personal, he refused to change. His rejection of himself led to my rejection of him, and I’d give anything to have left him sooner.

Going back and seeing it clearly written in my chart helps me believe it happened the way it was meant to. I learned so many lessons in that marriage because part of me understood that even though all I ever knew about home and family was abuse it wasn’t supposed to be that way.

The first half of my life I begged people to love me. I used to write my dad letters as a child begging him to work on our relationship. I did the same with other men as I grew and began dating. I begged my children to love me. And what I realized is the whole time I only felt I needed to beg for love because I wasn’t making decisions…