Alchemy, My Old Friend
What a meaningful, deep, astounding morning it’s been. I went on a walk and let the flowers, the river, the breeze on my face soothe me. Today I am free of the desire or need for specific outcomes. It’s a milestone because I’ve been working on this one for months. I’ve released it, finally.
When we can learn to accept what is rather than get angry or sad that it’s not what we want it to be we have arrived. Not at an end destination, but at the state of flow and flux. We’ve gained the ability to ebb and flow and not allow our emotions to control us. To pull us this way and that.
In the beginning of everyone or everything I invest in emotionally it’s difficult for me to ebb and flow. Once we fall in love with someone or something it tends to consume us. This is especially true for me with Neptune in Sagittarius in my fifth house of love and romance.
Cancer in my 12th house made sure that anyone or anything I had to let go of had claw marks. That isn’t who I am anymore. I am so freaking proud of me. If you could only see where I started and how far I’ve come. I want to help everyone in the world on the journey of self-love and self-acceptance.
There is a huge need for us to always remember that nothing is as personal as it feels. Not even the rejection we experience from other people. Nothing is more important to me than being authentic. I show up every moment of every day a genuine representation of my wholeness. I do not deny my shadow self. I have simply learned how to self-soothe.
This is important because if you tell me you love when I haven’t shown you the genuine version of me how can you mean it? My deepest self will know it is not me you love, but a version of me that I crafted just for you. To gain your approval and validation when it will never matter as much as my own.
I am too much for some people and that’s okay. Maybe I’m not enough for others and that’s okay. You know who I’m just right for? Me.
I love my quirks, my intelligence, my wide open heart space, my pretty eyes, my way with words, my ability to translate complexity into simplicity, my cooking skills, my creativity, my humanity, my love of humanity, my intuitive abilities, my outlook on life, my optimism, that I am an alchemist able to transmute all of my darkness into light. Self-acceptance of my duality.
See, anything I once craved from other people I have learned to offer myself. Now I don’t need anyone in my life. I want people in my life, but I no longer chase. I’m going to sit back and attract. You will either vibrate on the frequency of authenticity or you will miss me.
Wake up every day and write down something you are grateful for about you. Write down all your wonderful qualities. Tell yourself shame is nothing more than a reminder that you haven’t always lived up to your internal values, and that’s okay. We all fail to do that sometimes. Tell shame you appreciate the reminder, but you’re no longer in need of its service.
Stop chasing other people. Write yourself a love letter. Take yourself on a date. Buy yourself a self-care package. Cook and light candles even if you’re eating alone. Learn to love the skin you’re in so good, so well, that when other people decide they cannot stay around you’re still enveloped in the essence of love.
You will still have moments where it’s sad. Where you doubt your worth a bit. It’s not that it ever really goes away completely. What happens is you learn over time how to speak to yourself kinder, to be aware of the thoughts sooner, to be able to transmute them into newer, better, healthier thoughts.
I firmly believe my soul has a purpose. This is an incarnation I don’t want to waste. So, I’m not going to stress over outcomes. I’m going to wake up every day, and simply let other people choose their own path. If that path diverges from my own I’ll remind myself it doesn’t diminish my worth. Sometimes, it’s them questioning their own. Maybe our energies just don’t mesh.
My people will find me. I’m willing to die a lonely, old dog lady before I ever beg another soul to love me again. I have cultivated everything I need within to love you in ways that are out of this world good. I don’t need you to constantly reassure and validate me, but if you’re vibrating at my level you’ll do that automatically. It will be an unspoken assumption.
My soul’s blueprint is one I followed before I ever believed in birth charts and astrology. I’m not going to stop now. I will never stop learning and growing, but I’m not going back to the past and repeating grades I’ve already passed. What a waste of such a short time on earth.
When you no longer need it, it usually comes. It may come in a different form than you expected, so stay open-minded. Even if you believe we get more lives after this why would you not run like hell toward your purpose and passion? The whole idea is to level up each lifetime.
You know who will always reciprocate your energy? The Universe. Meditate and get to know your higher self. It’s a drug-induced state without the drugs. You are the source. Sometimes what we ask for is meant for us, but we are required to have strength and wait. Don’t get blinded and twisted by emotion.
Find your zen. Learn all you can about self-love and which spiritual practices work for you. I love meditation. I love journaling. I love candle magic. I love tarot cards. I love astrology and birth charts. I love psychology. I love automatic writing. Find what works for you and do it.
You are a divine, fertile being who can absolutely plant new seeds in your life and water them. Be your own light in the darkness. Be your most authentic self and if you don’t know what that is take time to discover who you are. That’s your legacy. The ultimate legacy we should all hope to leave behind.
When my soul is being assessed after this life is over it’s going to be so proud. I feel lighter than I have in so, so long. Release the need to control life.
Namaste
I’m always looking for new members of my soul tribe. Would love to have you.
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