We all spend so much time begging others to love us, so we can feel like we belong. We hurt them over and over again when they can’t get it right, and they hurt us back. They, too, just looking to feel loved and like they belong. This creates a toxic cycle that can be difficult to break, but closure or not we have to break these cycles.

When they tell you that you cannot love another person correctly until you love yourself they are not lying to you. I know you don’t feel like that is the truth, but it is. Sometimes you aren’t holding onto that person because you love them. It’s because they are familiar, and the unknown is scary. It’s time to be brave.

The truth is you and I are both one. We are all bits of the universe experiencing itself, and that which we reject in others we are rejecting in ourselves, too. When you catch yourself trying to judge someone, which we all are prone to do, stop and ask yourself why? You could choose instead to understand them, and understand if a healthy boundary is required.

From birth we are only given what we live as a tool of learning. We aren’t always taught what real love is. Sometimes we’re taught love is abuse and sticking around after it’s over. Our perceptions of love are warped and when we come together with two warped perspectives we are destined to fail at finding love and belonging.

Don’t be afraid to be alone. We so often try to save other souls because we’re avoiding saving our own. We want a God, a man, a woman, somebody else to save us. Going within is so scary, but it’s the only path to true love and belonging. The love and belonging lives inside of you, and once you find it you’ll believe you’re worthy of it and attract it externally in your life.

Admitting you may be causing the problem or adding to it isn’t easy. Projecting our shame is easier in the moment, but in the long-term it’s absolutely harder. Make this year the foundational year you chose once and for all to respect and love yourself. That you’re going to stop staying in toxic situations out of guilt, shame, or lack of self-worth.

These are feelings that lead people to want to escape. What they are chasing is within them, but the fear holds them back. So, they watch too much TV, they take too many drugs, they drink, and they stay in toxic situations because they feel the devil they don’t know is scarier than the devils they do.

They don’t know themselves and until they do wisdom will not live in them. That’s not your fault. Sometimes we outgrow people and that’s okay. The connection has served it’s purpose and it’s time to let it go. Choose to be wise and view life as a teacher.

Let it guide you through the lessons with the understanding it’s not meant to be a struggle. Energy flows, evolves, and changes. Go with it, tap into it, learn who you are and why you’re here. Cultivate the patience and compassion you need to carry with you.

It’s time to work through unhealthy shame that has led you to repeat cycles that all your ancestors are rooting for you to break. They wish they could have done it. They’re holding you up and giving you the strength. Have the conversations where you say you’re sorry authentically, explain where you were internally at the time, let them know the pain you caused was never personal, ask for their forgiveness and prove they can trust in you with changed behavior going forward.

Vulnerability that raw and honest will save a relationship you thought stood no chance. It can help your children heal, your parents, anyone in your life really who is paying attention. The reason we’re made fun of for sharing our thoughts and feelings is because those making fun are afraid of their own.

Some people won’t forgive you. That’s a tough pill to swallow, but you have to forgive yourself. At the end of the day if you’re staying on the hook it’s because you are refusing to let yourself off. You don’t need their spoken forgiveness for closure. Hell, they could even give you the forgiveness, and you’ll hold yourself on that damn hook.

It’s a choice you make every time the shame comes up until it doesn’t come up as often. Do this in meditation, in a mirror, write it down in a journal, whatever you have to do. Repeat it every time shame comes up and don’t stop even if it takes a while.

“I forgave myself for this already, and I have changed that behavior. I refuse to stay small and go backward by letting this shame win.” We all have shadow and light within us, and we also a have higher observing energy within us. The shadow is fed via fear and the light via love. No one has access to your shadow but you. Let that awareness guide you.

You do not have to be afraid of your shadow. You have to learn to love it. It was built up to protect you, so maybe it didn’t work so well, but its intentions were so good. Love it to the light. Become whole on your own and life will feel magical even when it really isn’t.

Start meditating every day. Journal your experiences and thoughts. Practice gratitude and compassion with the self and others. This means accept apologies from people you may never get.

“I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. We all only love at our level of personal healing and nothing is as personal as it can often feel. I have to keep these boundaries in place until you’re in a better space. While the pain was never personal I just don’t deserve it, and I’ve learned you can only save yourself. I forgive you.”

You will never take the best care of someone else if you aren’t taking the best care of yourself. If you are grateful for life take care of your mind and spirit. Learn to accept who you are and that you have a purpose. Stop waiting for others to tell you what you need to hear and start speaking to yourself. At the end of the day that’s who you believe anyway; for better or for worse.

The spectrum in life is Fear Vs Love. Fear is nothing more than false evidence appearing real. Every emotion in between is a path you can trace back to either love or fear. The reason hate isn’t the opposite of love is because we only hate things because we’re afraid of them or how they make us feel. Unconditional love will never make you afraid.

It feels different because the energy is different. It’s the energy of home and belonging. It’s knowing instinctively you can trust the other person, even after a lifetime of trust issues. You will know when it’s real and authentic. You will have learned the only trust you really have to maintain is trusting yourself to not take things personal and to set healthy boundaries.

You will know you love someone unconditionally when they disappear from your life and you’re still at peace within. You understand that your paths were destined to connect for at least a little while because there were important lessons to be learned and seeds to be planted. There are no regrets because wisdom is a gift and learning is wise.

There is a part of you that understands we all have karma and lessons, and that we are sometimes at different parts of our journey. If they leave they have more lessons to learn, and you can take the lessons they taught you and use them to grow and evolve into your purpose.

If it’s meant to be it will not miss you and you know this, so you’re just content without the closure or answers you used to demand and beg for. You’re not attached to an outcome, even if there is an outcome you strongly prefer. You’re just waking up every day seeking what is for the highest good of all. Knowing if the universe has other plans they’re far better for you anyway.

It doesn’t matter what you have done or said in the past. Today you can choose to forgive yourself for them, by going within and learning why you said and did those things. Healing the trauma within. No, the wounds were not your fault, but yes, only you can heal them. That’s the biggest lesson of them all.

Once you understand yourself you start understanding everyone else. You can see the lessons they are here to teach you. You have less anger, resentment and shame. Understanding conquers fear, and allows you to feed the light.

Namaste

You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors. ― Andrew Boyd